I am not really sure how this works. I am sure this odd to most people but when it comes to computer things i am a complete novice. this is the first time ive ever written a blog about anything. also bare with me because i am writing this on my laptop and keep forgetting it doesn't autocorrect everything as you go so please excuse the errors. i don't really have the energy to fix right now either. i am in the middle of a really bad fibro flare up and i cant find the right words to describe the pain and everything else going on right now. i can barely hold my focus long enough to write this. i don't talk to anyone about whats going on anymore. they don't understand this disease at all. i don't blame them or hold it against them because i have it and do not fully understand it myself. i try to push through the pain and everything that comes along but I'm at a complete stand still right now. i cant physically mentally or emotionally push through. i do as little as possible and hope this flare up is almost over. i have three kids and they deserve a better mom. i used to cook all the time now its take out or delivery or just frozen just bake and ready to eat casseroles and days like today the casseroles are not possible. its taken me over an hour to write this so far. i just feel so useless. i just want to rest and regroup but i cant catch up. i am scraping the bottom of the barrel and wish some one around me understood how completely drained i am and the amount of pain I'm dealing with. i cant type more than a sentence without resting more less wash a load of laundry or dishes. washing my hair was a challenge today. I'm sorry for all the complaining but i needed to vent to people that know the struggles that come with this disease. to all others I'm just lazy or worse because its all invisible to them but if they looked closer theyd see it in ours eyes. theyd see the pain and suffering and the hurt. I'm not normally this depressing its just been really rough lately and i couldn't keep it bottled up

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