Blogs

This has been a long week for me. The weather has been hot and muggy, and although twice today there was threat of rain, rain did not come. I hope it comes soon to lower the heat 90+ and humity levels, as well as, water my garden.

My morning swim was a delight as usual with my ladies giving me a good giggle. That normally sets me up for the day but as i was getting dressed that telltale down below dullness aching was starting to bother me, i knew I had to get home and soon. Yep IBS had come visiting again so soon. I had gone into a bit of a remission where it had stopped be such a constant distraction a few months ago, but the last few weeks has been getting more and more troublesome.

Sometimes I come to this blog all filled with energy and many ways of welcoming in our new members. I want everyone who comes to feel very welcome and know that this forum cares about them. But sometimes I feel like a one woman show because I struggle each time to say enough hello's and get you newbies settled in and posting, and yet a few of you slip by the way side and start feeling that no one cares.

I hurt so much in so many different places and in so many different ways its just not funny anymore.
People say to stay positive and I am normally one of those people that spin a funny side to it all and act nutty to cover up how i feel but today I have been reduced to tears most of the day, embarrassing as I am at work.

I am happy to report my small garden is growing, so later this summer I will have the makings of a big salad with all fresh ingredients. This garden is just a hobby to keep my mind off the pain of fibro. Sometimes thou the garden makes me remember my fibro when my lower back hurts and cramps up and my knees get painful and weak. But I think the pain is worth the effort to have a small plot of food.

I have been trying to work on new hobbies to take my mind off the pain I feel, but some new hobbies cause more pain drather then less. Like my garden, which I got planted with things that won't freeze if we have a late frost, but now we are having hard rainstorms that I worry about washing out my seeds. So far nothing has sprouted and I am hoping that the seeds will grow. So another thing causing stress instead of curing it. lol

As you know this is not the 9th day of me being here, it's just my way of setting up the times I blog.

Life is strange how the twists and turns of it all often bring you back to the places you began. I was born in Pa, traveled out west a few times, settled back in Pa, for a short time. Then moved to Fl, for two years, moved back to Pa, then moved to Fl, for 24 years. Now I am back in Pa, again with no plans to move anywheres else for now. And I am content to be here.

I had a long weekend and booked the Tuesday off, with my normal day off being Wednesday, giving me a glorious 5 days away from work. Plenty of time to get my room decorating project finished or close to.
As usual Hubby kept pulling me away from what I wanted to do to help him with his weekend project on making a start on the shed build.

I am feeling so confused and helpless at the moment. The things happening in my life feel so out of my control. My boyfriends cancer, my son ( long story I will go into a bit later) Mum and her hip replacement, thankfully she is doing well and is home now. Just feel like I want to crawl into a nice warm hole for awhile but I know this won't help. My boyfriend has quit, quitting and is smoking again, he still won't smoke in front of me and is still trying to hide the fact he is smoking.

Sometimes I wonder why I like being a loner. I was always one who liked exploring in the forests alone and going off on horseback rides by myself. In school I had friends, but never felt like part of a group, and never had that real close feeling of a true friend with anyone. It was not for lack of trying, trying so hard but failing in the end.