I Feel Like I'm Losing It

[fibrocrazy]

I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia in my teens going in as a Freshman in High School. I was not supported by the school and it was an uphill battle my entire High School career. I'm now a Junior in College and have been accepted into the schools Nursing Program. The past couple of years have been hell.

I try to keep up with school, work, and my friends while trying not to push myself to far but I have not been good at this balancing act. I have pushed myself to do better and hide my pain because no one really cares when they have their own problems to worry about. I have been having pain flare ups and horrible fibro fog over the past school year and it severely impacted my ability to study and hang out with friends.

Its awkward explaining to people why I can't stay up till two hanging out, and why I need to go to bed 'early'. It also sucks when your friends are all night owls and you just can't.

I am currently working as an Aid in a Nursing home and the hours and physical and psychological demands are over bearing some days. I put on a smile and silently suffer through work, I love working with people and making a difference but the physical labor is a killer.

I'm only 19 almost 20 and I still struggle with controlling my pain and anxiety. I'm looking for help or suggestions about how to balance my life and control my pain. My doctor doesn't seem to care or believe that I can possibly be in this much pain and doesn't want me to be dependent on pain killers so she wont prescribe them and I have had many moments where I just want to give up. My doctor believes that I have pain because I have anxiety... My anxiety is largely due to my pain and I don't know what to do anymore.

 

[Tuba1Kenobi]

Im on the same boat I feel like a different person than I once was. I just turned 20 and had it all highschool.

 

[Lyndsey]

Hi there,

I am really sorry to hear about your struggles. Your story sounds all so familiar as I am sure it does to many on this site. I have also been diagnosed with fibro/CFS and also brain lesions and chronic migraines and they believe I also have lupus. Like you I am a very motivated person, and struggled through the symptoms silently for years until I was unable to bear it anymore and had to stop working. I have been off for a year now, and it is a real mental battle coping with not working and what that does to self esteem as well.

Anxiety for me is one of my biggest issues, and I have also been told by doctors that this is a symptom of fibro, however I have dealt with having anxiety my whole life. I am 31 now, and cant believe how long I have been dealing with this and want my quality of life back. When the flare ups take over, I know just how devastating it feels, and the guilt that you feel when you can't hang out with people and just want to curl up and cry from the pain. Just know that you are not alone and this is a great resource to come to and talk with people in similar situations. It really lifts me up when I am hitting rock bottom.

My suggestion to you is to keep searching for doctors that are good, and as we all know they are hard to come by. I was seeing many doctors for years before I got any kind of diagnosis and found myself constantly defending the fact that a lot of my anxiety was from my health problems, not the other way around. There are good doctors out there, and you must be your own advocate and keep pushing hard for solutions and answers. If your current doctor is not helping you or listening to you I highly recommend searching for a new one. Look at reviews online first.

I now have several specialists that are working with me, and they are all very good. I still don't have a solution other than pain medication, but I will continue to push for other alternatives for a better quality of life, and I pray that you do the same for yourself. One thing I find is that no matter how painful it is, if I push myself to even do a short walk outside it helps. The fresh air can be good. I have to admit a lot of the time I don't have the energy but when I do I am glad I did. Just a year and half ago I was still working out 4 days a week, and I can't believe how badly I have deteriorated to the point that I can barely be active cause it amplifies my pain. But my rheumatologist told me that with fibro it is important to have some activity in your life or else things get worse, and the pain gets worse. Do you have a rheumatologist right now ? Or just a general practitioner? If not maybe you could ask for a referral to one. They help specifically with auto immune diseases, fibro ect.

I am also looking into trying some new alternative natural methods I will let you know if it is successful and then maybe you can try. Good luck to you and keep pushing. Don't worry about feeling bad that you can't stay out late or do what others do, they are not in your situation. I also struggle with worrying what people think of me so I understand, but you need to take care of yourself first. You are the number one priority remember that. (I need to practice what I preach ).

My thoughts and prayers out to you today. xo If you ever need a friend to talk to you can private message me anytime.

Lyndsey

 

[MrsNelson]

I just want to say you are a strong young lady because I was a CNA for about 10 years. I couldn't do the job anymore I can't even take care of my kids well and I take pain meds. Be strong and keep trying.

 

[Drewsalem]

hi fibrocrazy! I feel for you as I lost my career and business and have been bankrupt due to this debilitating condition that nobody understands. I am 40 and have kicked most of the opiates as they were affecting my mind and my interpersonal relationships with my family and what friends remain. Yes they did kill the pain but I nearly lost one of my front teeth due to 12mm bone loss in my top jaw. No more perfect smile, but I still smile.

Without being too personal was there an incident or car accident or stress that happened earlier before the diagnosis? I can track mine back to a herniated disc over ten years ago. Things like relationships and parents divorce and stress and image and pain all go together.

Find a doctor that does care and diarise flare ups and what you can and can't do. I commend you for studying nursing as we all need more people who are compassionate and can heal. It seems you give a lot with your nursing home placement, be sure to leave some time for yourself.

I have had anxiety all my life and I feel stress and fibro contribute to each other. Try mindfulness meditation. I have to engage with my pain to some degree, not avoid it, so it will soften. It's like butting heads with a goat; all it wants is a pat. If you are interested please let me know.

Here for you

Drew