Old 04-15-2016, 10:42 AM #16 (permalink)
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Default Re: Having a breakdown!!!!!

It doesn't sound like your mum is ever going to give you the emotional support you need.

Its very sad for you. I don't really get any from my parents either but they are elderly now so it's very different and i just accept they don't have anything to give outside of their own lives and age related illnesses.

It all sound very highly charged and to be honest your posts come across very powerfully with lots of capital letters and exclamation marks which just shows how much pain you are in emotionally.

Perhaps these wounds in you can't be healed by discussion with your mum. That is so hard to deal with and i am no expert.

Carry on working on yourself...you have clearly done so well with the drug addiction (something else i know little about) and hopefully in time and with therapy you can heal yourself and make new relationships that make you feel valued and cared for.

I wish you luck as ill health and all this emotional pain too must be very hard. I know because i carry much of my own.

I am so sorry about your dog...our pets offer us something so special...unconditional love...all they want is a nice bowl of food and lots of affection ....a bit like humans really!

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Old 04-15-2016, 02:46 PM #17 (permalink)
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Default Re: Having a breakdown!!!!!

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Originally Posted by Trellum View Post
So sorry about your pup, I've heard about cushing before, but in humans. I'm guessing it's as bad or even worse for dogs (I had no idea dogs could also get it, poor things!). I'm so sorry your mom acts like that, it does sound like she is cold, has she ever sad something nice to you? in any other instance?

Mine has a couple of times, but most of the time she just brushes off my worries quickly... making me feel like my feelings are not valid or what is going on is not important at all. It's awful I think for people like us that leave us wanting some validation from our parents - I still do.

*SIGH* Sadly we can't chose our parents I wish I could have had a more understanding mother. While growing up did you ever feel like you had to compete with other things (people, TV, or whatever) to get some of her attention? I did and still do. I mean you'd think a kind word here and there would be easier than bitter words or criticisms, right? Always telling you what you did wrong, but rarely or never what you did right. No one should need to deal with that

I really hope your pup feels better soon, I also have a pup I love dearly, you get to love them so much, like your children.

Hi again!

I don't remember my mom ever saying anything sweet or uplifting to me. I think when she tried to go there she gets extremely uncomfortable and stops herself. So she evidently had issues with it.

My dad is the same way. He's never said anything remotely nice from as far back as I can remember. He was mean and hateful. He wanted us kids to just shut up and leave him alone!! I was totally shocked one day when he actually asked me how I was feeling (meaning emotionally). I was going through a hard time with work, etc. once I was diagnosed. But it wasn't long lived!

Thanks for replying!!

Karen
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Old 04-15-2016, 02:58 PM #18 (permalink)
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Default Re: Having a breakdown!!!!!

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Originally Posted by willow View Post
It doesn't sound like your mum is ever going to give you the emotional support you need.

Its very sad for you. I don't really get any from my parents either but they are elderly now so it's very different and i just accept they don't have anything to give outside of their own lives and age related illnesses.

It all sound very highly charged and to be honest your posts come across very powerfully with lots of capital letters and exclamation marks which just shows how much pain you are in emotionally.

Perhaps these wounds in you can't be healed by discussion with your mum. That is so hard to deal with and i am no expert.

Carry on working on yourself...you have clearly done so well with the drug addiction (something else i know little about) and hopefully in time and with therapy you can heal yourself and make new relationships that make you feel valued and cared for.

I wish you luck as ill health and all this emotional pain too must be very hard. I know because i carry much of my own.

I am so sorry about your dog...our pets offer us something so special...unconditional love...all they want is a nice bowl of food and lots of affection ....a bit like humans really!

Hello!

I wanted to reply bc you said something to tell you that yes, I was very emotionally hurt the night I wrote the post but after that initial post I was fine. It's very difficult to know how to hear someone's tone through an emai or text. So I do t want you to think just bc I use exclamation marks frequently it doesn't always mean I'm extremely mad.

Also, you're absolutely right! I should get used to my mom being the way she is. My therapist has tried to tell me to "stop returning to a dry well to get water!"

Should have listened to get a long time ago!

Well, I was up all night with my dog so I'm nodding off while trying to type this.

Need a nap!!

Thanks!!
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Old 04-15-2016, 04:19 PM #19 (permalink)
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Default Re: Having a breakdown!!!!!

Hey Karen, I'm so sorry to hear how your parent's behave toward you. While it is kind of them, extremely kind, it sounds like other than financially, they really aren't there for you and that makes my heart hurt. I was blessed with wonderful, loving parents and can't imagine not having their emotional support. When my health finally got to the point where I could no longer work, I applied for disability, which it sounds like you have done. Not being able to work and waiting on notification from Social Security is so stressful and scary. Have you checked into whether you qualify for food stamps? Are there other local social services available to you to help in any way financially to lessen the burden on your parents, and give you more feeling of taking care of yourself while you wait?

Over the past couple of years I have been deeply hurt by my now 27 year old son, my brother and his wife due to some things my son said to me (long story), and some very close friends (35-40 year friendship) after they heard I applied for disability. I was in a pretty bad place emotionally for a number of reasons, all due to my declining health. My counselor has helped me tremendously and started me on a journey. In my journey, I have learned to let go of the pain others cause. I steer clear of those that cause me stress or anxiety or that are emotionally unavailable to me. I realize you are in a situation that you have to communicate with your parents because they are assisting you financially, but my suggestion would be, since it sounds like you HAVE to rely on their generosity to survive, limit your contact with them.

I would not ask them any questions about purchases. I would not purchase anything you can not afford. I would not share what is going on with your dog. I would not hint that you miss your daughter. I would send them a thank you note when they provide you with money. Anything outside you need outside of what they help you with now, I would find other alternatives to handle.

I'm so sorry your fur baby is ill. Find out if there are any nonprofit support groups in your area that can help you financially with his/her care. When I was younger, my dog developed a blockage in his intestine. The surgery was going to be $600. My parents could have easily (and would have) paid the bill. I'm prideful, so I went looking for alternative ways to cover the cost. Concern for Animals was there in a pinch. They paid the bill for me. Is there anything in your area like that?

I wish with all my heart your parents were different. Be thankful for their generosity, but I would leave your interactions with them with only that. Gentle hugs......
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