Old 07-23-2017, 05:43 AM #1 (permalink)
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Default Metaphors, stories, lessons, teachers....

My brain sometimes feels like it wants to explode! I want to get the thoughts and information out " there " but like a Twilight Zone story I often can not find " there ". On one of those political talk shows, I recently heard someone say: " there is no there, there " and I rolled on the floor with a mix of excitement and laughter. Did they really say THAT? and I wondered if everyone know what was meant by that.
How can I tell? How can anyone ever tell if what they say is understood?

Besides the doctors that one see's for Fibro and or other associated maladies that are often mentioned with Fibro it's still a challenge to " communicate ". I often get the feeling that they KNOW the words that I use but they do not UNDERSTAND the meaning.

I read many years ago that according to the author of the book I was reading that there is a big difference between the word " knowledge " and " understanding ". He explains his theory. It makes sense to me in ways that I perhaps had never experienced before. Silly me, I thought that because I got it, everyone got it especially if it was broken down like the author broke it down. Instead it caused MAJOR riffs and disagreements; one with my wife who seemed to want to assert her own theory which contradicted the authors theory. I wondered and even asked how we could move on if this riff now existed and it seemed to stimulate major tumult every time anything close to the subject arose.

Over the years I noticed that this DIS-EASE arose often between people and it seemed to me that it mostly happened because someone wanted to WIN; they wanted to "be right" they wanted to be heard and acknowledged for their reasoning. I never figured out how to get past this hole in the road.

That said, whenever I found people who listened to the theory and the definition and they found themselves like I was AMAZED! with the explanation it seemed that we suddenly found our self on the same team and in a much better position to communicate. In many ways it was like a magic elixir that healed all things broken. So why did this work with some HB's but not with others?

I never found out but I know to this very day that the circumstances always turn out the same way.

"LOVE" has nothing to do with it in fact it makes the problem worse more often than better because it seems that expectations come with love but love does not over-ride truth.

The idea of finding someone in the world with-whom I can be happily in love and in partnership with has suddenly taken a turn for the worse. I often think that
" smartness " is reliant on excellent if not perfect communication and THAT is near impossible to find.

I haven't given up yet but I have no idea where to search for a like mind.

What is interesting is that the 3 closest people in my life now are all involved in some way with mental health. The psychiatrist said to me: I don't understand why you can't find love or even friendship. If we weren't in this relationship as doctor and patient I would LOVE to be friends with you but the code of medical ethics forbids that we carry on a relationship outside of this office. The other two people who are associated with the mental health community basically say exactly the same thing. They seem not to get why it is so difficult for me to find love and friendship when they ALL tell me that they would certainly want me as a friend if the professional relationship wasn't in the way.

Honestly that makes me feel good that they say those words but it is sad to think that I can't find anyone besides them to have fun with.

Life can be cruel at time. Do I dare say: LOL?
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Old 07-28-2017, 08:11 PM #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Metaphors, stories, lessons, teachers....

Hello Van Gogh,

Yes, life is cruel. For some. For others, it's a breeze.

In arguments people do want to 'win' but that means someone must concede.

Finding like-minded humans is something I gave up the search for years ago. Occasionally they find me but I have no energy left. I'm lucky to have a few old friends that 'get' me and I can speak my mind to so your post has made me very grateful to them.
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Old 07-29-2017, 02:13 AM #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Metaphors, stories, lessons, teachers....

You seem very emotionally intelligent VanGogh...i think some of us listen and subconsciously scour other people and our environment and really take things in deeply..this makes us naturally empathetic as we truly 'hear' what other people say..not just the words but we immediately 'understand'.

Most people muddle through life on a much more superficial level..they pay lip service to other peoples emotions and feelings.

I look back on all the friendships i have had in my life...some now a distant memory because life changes and we all move on for a whole variety of reasons...fibro now being the most influential from my side....and i see that the general type of people i have had close friendships with are like me...sensitive kind caring ...not really loud superficial types who i find rather shallow.

Peaceandquiet hit the nail on the head..for some life is cruel and for others its a breeze...tbh its usually the more selfish think skinned people for whom life is a breeze and they simply don't get us...and they just dont worry much or feel things very deeply at all.

I literally feel other peoples emotional pain and my heart which of course is my brain instantly goes out to them and what i feel are the right supportive words truly meant flow out of me..i have yet to meet another single person who is the same back to me whenever ive needed it but my 2 best friends are similar just maybe not quite so as in tune or able to put themselves in other peoples shoes.

I have met hundreds of people in the course of my life and career before i got sick and many have been friends/colleagues at a certain level but those deep friendships are rarer to find.

Im sure you have many great qualities...but us more serious types find it harder to meet people on the same level...not to say i dont love fun and cheekiness and im sure you are the same...but i hate gossip and people being put down or being rejected for not conforming to the social norms.

I hope you do find friendship and maybe love again soon one day.
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Old 07-30-2017, 08:53 AM #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Metaphors, stories, lessons, teachers....

I will respectfully disagree with Diamond on one thing: I don't think it is true that the people who find life a breeze are usually more selfish or thick skinned or don't feel things very deeply.

Mind you, life has never been a breeze for me, so maybe I don't know what I am talking about. But I think that saying something like that amounts to "sour grapes".....a way to make yourself feel better about having a hard time in life by putting yourself above the people who have it good. But that is really not necessary, nor will it help the person who does that.

I think that it has a lot more to do with how skillfully you handle deep feelings than whether or not you have them. Many, many happy people for whom life is easy are genuinely caring and feel things deeply and are the farthest thing from selfish.

As for having disagreements with people, I have found that for me my life became a lot more simple and calm when I realized that no one in the world needs to see things the way that I do, on any subject or concern whatever. It is not my job to convince anyone of anything. I have my view and opinions, and some of them are very strong. If a person wants to hear them I am happy to speak. We can discuss, and they can tell me their opinions as well. We can compare them, maybe understand each other better, maybe one of us might even learn something and I am especially glad if that someone is me.

But if they want to argue, I won't. Period. It is never beneficial to anyone, or to your cause, whatever it is, for you to think you are "right", which means someone else has to be "wrong". If a person has that attitude, then I won't discuss something with them on which we disagree.
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Old 08-02-2017, 06:29 AM #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Metaphors, stories, lessons, teachers....

I just discovered these replies today. I appreciate them all and that you find it worthy of commenting on.

More time is needed for me to enjoy what each of you wrote and I will make that time later; perhaps even today.

A woman who I classified as one of my best friends wrote to me recently and shocked me with her words. I felt like I was being used during her pursuit of me during my " chat days ".

She did teach me something during that period of time when I thought that we were best friends. She told me that " people come into your life for one of three things: 1 A reason 2 A season 3 for A Lifetime.

I had her all wrong
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Old 08-02-2017, 08:53 AM #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Metaphors, stories, lessons, teachers....

Sorry for any offence i have been completely misunderstood and will now leave this forum for good. It was a possible observation meant to be supportive of vangugh and peaceandquiet no more no less...perhaps my literacy skills are not so good these days ...and the word selfish was inappropriate and poorly used.

I was merely saying if you find life a breeze then generally in my humble view you possible worry less...for me to worry less i would need to feel things less deeply or be less sensitive.... i would need to have what i can only poorly phrase as have a thicker skin.

Its just a point of view no need to attack me sunkacola especially as i have been extremely supportive of you over allsorts including the interstate possibly being built near your house and went out of my way to follow up several times.

Thats because i could feel your upset and stress myself and my heart went out to you and i didnt forget it the next day or the next week or month.. because that is my character through out my life to any one who hits hard times.

Clearly i am not skilled at handling hurt feelings..but then i already know that.

To say its sour grapes or i am making a post to put myself above others is unkind to point you have driven me away as i am not thick enough skinned or resilient enough for your post not to hurt my feelings and knock my confidence about posting safely here.

I also never mentioned anything about believing my opinion is right..it is just that an opinion..and a well meant one at that.

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Old 08-02-2017, 08:58 AM #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Metaphors, stories, lessons, teachers....

Quote:
Originally Posted by diamond View Post
Sorry for any offence i have been completely misunderstood and will now leave this forum for good. I was a vague comments meant to be supportive of vangough and peaceandquiet no more no less...perhaps my literacy skills are not so good these days ...

I was merely saying if you find lief a breeze then generally i my humble view you possible worry less...for me to worry less i would need to feel them less deeply..to feel them less deeply i would need to have what i can only poorly phrase as have a thicker skin.#

Its just a point of view no need to attack sunkacola especially as i have been extremely supportive of you over allsorts including the interstate possible being built near your house and went out of my way to follow up several times.

Thats because i could feel you anxiety and stress myself and my heart went out to you and i didnt forget it the next day or the next week..so for me life isnt a breeze probably because that is my character through out my life to any one who hits hard times.

To say its sour grapes or i am making a post to put myself above others is cruel and unkind to point you have driven me away as i am not thick enough skinned or resilient enough for your post not to hurt my feelings and knock my confidence about posting safely here.
I'm responding without reading more closely because it seems that you were apologizing for something. I didn't take ANYONE'S post as negative in any way and I'm sorry if I gave that impression.

Want to hit send and go back and read again
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Old 08-02-2017, 09:06 AM #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Metaphors, stories, lessons, teachers....

Hi again Diamond, I didn't see that you named someone else in your post I thought it was something that I said.

In any event people can disagree and they do. How you take it is sometimes a choice and other times it is a reaction. Speaking for myself I know that sometimes I react one way and other times it's different.

Hope you stay around!
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Old 08-02-2017, 09:56 AM #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Metaphors, stories, lessons, teachers....

Thanks vanGogh..i was just so shocked to see my well meaning post had been replied to as if somehow i had made it in order to make myself feel better or putting myself above other people who are feeling good..if anything i think people who have it good are way more balanced and react with more logic than emotion and have better coping strategies for life and maybe they dwell less on problems including other peoples.

I also would stick to my view that there are some self centred people who do appear to fair better in life...i have known people who can strike out and hurt others or want to get their own way and feel no shame or give the other persons feelings a second thought..infact they have the ability to blame the person they have hurt for being too sensitive and simply don't appear to care how their actions affect another human being.

But then what do i know! I don't purport to be an expert....I'm just on a fibro forum!

Maybe i just dont explain myself well...lol but i know what i mean.

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Old 08-02-2017, 09:03 PM #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Metaphors, stories, lessons, teachers....

Quote:
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You seem very emotionally intelligent VanGogh...i think some of us listen and subconsciously scour other people and our environment and really take things in deeply..this makes us naturally empathetic as we truly 'hear' what other people say..not just the words but we immediately 'understand'.

Most people muddle through life on a much more superficial level..they pay lip service to other peoples emotions and feelings.

I look back on all the friendships i have had in my life...some now a distant memory because life changes and we all move on for a whole variety of reasons...fibro now being the most influential from my side....and i see that the general type of people i have had close friendships with are like me...sensitive kind caring ...not really loud superficial types who i find rather shallow.

Peaceandquiet hit the nail on the head..for some life is cruel and for others its a breeze...tbh its usually the more selfish think skinned people for whom life is a breeze and they simply don't get us...and they just dont worry much or feel things very deeply at all.

I literally feel other peoples emotional pain and my heart which of course is my brain instantly goes out to them and what i feel are the right supportive words truly meant flow out of me..i have yet to meet another single person who is the same back to me whenever ive needed it but my 2 best friends are similar just maybe not quite so as in tune or able to put themselves in other peoples shoes.

I have met hundreds of people in the course of my life and career before i got sick and many have been friends/colleagues at a certain level but those deep friendships are rarer to find.

Im sure you have many great qualities...but us more serious types find it harder to meet people on the same level...not to say i dont love fun and cheekiness and im sure you are the same...but i hate gossip and people being put down or being rejected for not conforming to the social norms.

I hope you do find friendship and maybe love again soon one day.
diamond,

I have to say that I interpreted your post of support to VanGogh completely differently from sunkacola. I read it and thought "wow, diamond has such a generous heart and the love that flows from her in words is so comforting to others".

From the bottom of my heart, I thank you for your ongoing gentleness and empathy.
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