Old 02-24-2019, 11:08 AM #1 (permalink)
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Join Date: 2019
City: Salem
State: South Carolina
Country: US
Interest: I am a relative of someone with Fibromyalgia and/or chronic pain.
Posts: 3
Bruin11 is on a distinguished road
Default Husband cares for wife of 35 years

I am new to this forum and it is helpful to seek and learn from experienced ways to cope with a loved one suffering from this insidious disease.
I must say however, it shocked me the general view that husbands, men are incapable of support and kindness to their loved ones. I am sure that some are and the spectrum of support is judged as inadequate by most.
This generalization is harmful and believe not to be the pervasive view of most caregivers. Is it a frustrating role, lonely and change your life from the roots up, you bet. To suggest otherwise is naive.
Chronic illness effects all and have found frequent communication together in specific terms is paramount. This illness manifests itself in unique individual ways in my experience. It is not a straight line or predictable daily. If not addressed as a team it will fail. Not because of generalizations or gender but rather most days are not the same, support needs change and can be anticipated. Once this is understood, the vacuum of mind reading is illuminated and easily addressed together.
i have learned I cannot fix this illness. I cannot change its impact on me. I will not stop learning. She is an active participant.
I am not weak, selfish, stupid or an egomaniac incapable of nurturing because of my gender.
If you cannot communicate you have a much bigger issue than Fibro.
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