Old 11-24-2014, 12:58 AM #1 (permalink)
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Unhappy Im at my wits end

I am struggling lately. After spending 5 months on disability leave due to a failed hand surgery I went back to work at the end of September. I was very happy, making good money and finally felt like I had a purpose. The job was very stressful and I wasnt happy but I did my best because I wanted my Fiance and I to be able to move out of my parents house by my birthday (November 20). Well thanks to my "lovely" fibro I ended with the dreaded severe fatigue to the point of falling asleep at my desk, falling asleep while driving and sleeping 14 hours. My doctor put my back on disability leave and my work has posted my job to find someone else.

I feel useless. My fiance says he understands, and I know he does to a point, but I feel like he is pissed that I am once again not working and he is the only one making money. Today I slept until 5pm and when he was finally able to get me to wake up he was so mad at me for sleeping that late that he gave me the silent treatment up until 20 minutes ago (930 pm). He has never done that before. I love him and I know he loves me but I am so scared he is going to leave me because of all of my medical conditions. (Fibro, chronic back pain, bipolar) I dont think he would but it sits in my mind. This may have to do with the fact that I was adopted because my biological dad went to prison when I was 2 weeks old for 5 years and my biological mom just up and left when I was 2 to go do heroin again. I am convinced that everyone who says they love me will leave. Thankfully I was raised by my grandparents and have a wonderful life.

Sorry for it being so long. I just feel like you all can understand this better than anyone else and I needed to vent to someone who gets it. I hope you all have good days tomorrow and not bad ones.
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Old 11-30-2014, 09:05 PM #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Im at my wits end

I am sorry that the fatigue of fibro is making life hard on you. I remember years ago going through a period of my life where I simply could not stay awake. If I was riding in the car I fell asleep. If I was sleeping it was very hard to wake me up. My doctor decided it was depression and put me on medication that caused panic attacks during the times I was awake. Then this symptom did ease off some, but I did seek some counseling on my own to prove to the doctor that it was not depression. I found out though, part of my wanting to sleep was from being depressed about my location and more so, my not being able to work. This last one is hard for those of us who have always worked hard and enjoyed earning good money.

I am not saying that all of your problem is depression, but it could be part of it. Plus it would do you good to find a therapist you like that could teach you some skills in handling mental heath issues and give you someone who would truly listen and provide helpful ways to improve your mood and relationship.

That said, also consider your medication side effects and maybe a vitamin you might be lacking in your diet. Please read around the forum to pick up handy hints and ideas, and also I am sure other members will offer some helpful advice and supportive comments as well. I hope to see you around the forum and get to know you better through your posts. Keep your chin up and know that we care and understand what your going through.
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Old 11-30-2014, 09:18 PM #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Im at my wits end

I already take Celexa for depression and anxiety plus a vitamin d and b12 supplement as well as a 1 a day vitamin. I live in WA and we have had quiet the weather change with it being fall so I'm wondering if that's it. I have a referral to a psychiatrist because of my bipolar so I will see what happens with that. Thanks for your reply
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Old 12-01-2014, 03:15 AM #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Im at my wits end

It's very tough but I am sure you will overcome everything. You're fighting, trying and you will be victorious. I have no doubts about it Little_E.
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Old 12-01-2014, 11:18 AM #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Im at my wits end

I went through the. It staying awake part, lucky I was single atm and I would fell asleep in my dinner lol.
I had to leave work, things are tight for me and my OH. But I no if I work it will never last,trying to get ppl who love u to understand is near impossible .its so hard for them to understand its everyday .it don't give u a brake and u will always hurt. I've had to do thing for my other half that really make me hurt , and I no he don't want me to hurt but some times you have to push yourself alittle for the ones u love.i no that might sound like I'm putting pressure on u. But trust me it's nothing I don't do everyday myself. Try to do something for him everyday it can be simple and small.it makes all the diffrence to them u no.xx
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