Old 01-20-2015, 08:52 PM #1 (permalink)
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Hi all,
I'm new here. I've tried to handle this fibro alone. Ha. I raised four children. I was a wonderful mom. Room mother for all of them, girl scout leader, coach for numerous sports etc..I always had their backs no matter what. As most moms do I sacraficed a lot for them. Divorced in 2005 and when he disappeared from their lives I took up the slack. When they becam teenagers they were beyond terrible. My son got on Meth and dropped out of school, my daughters disrespected me, drank and skipped school, I can't count the number of times I got called by the police to pick them up. I loved and supported them all through this... alone. My siblings and mother were not in the same city and no help in any way. I did the absolute best I could. They all finally grew up into what I thought were pretty good people. Independent, happy, self sufficient. When my mother became too ill to take care of herself I dropped my life and moved to her city to take care of her, this despite the fact that I have two brothers in that city. They just weren't taking care of her..she was paying someone to mow her lawn for gods sake. Fast forward two years and now I am in full blown fibro. Diagnosed by a rheumatologist. On medication but some days just unable to function. Lost my job. Lived on unemployment until that ended, denied for disability. Mom insisted I just move in with her. Seemed logical. She has a large three bedroom house. So I did. Five months ago. I cleaned. Cooked. Shopped with or for her. Took her to all of her numerous doctor appointments. Did all of the tasks she asked me too. Everything. Yes, she paid my car, my phone and my storage. Total about $450 a month. She told me on numerous occasions she could afford it. I did without a lot. I came to visit my kids in a city a few hours away because my daughter is newly pregnant. I arranged all moms care for when I was gone. The day before I'm to come home I get a text from my sister saying mom can no longer afford to pay my bills and I need to get my stuff and move out. No prior warning, nothing. I was shocked and devistated to say the least. So I spoke to my youngest (23) daughter and we made a quick plan that I would get a waitress job, save some money and her and I would get a place together within a month. She's living with a bum and she wants out anyway. My son has an extra bedroom where I stay when I visit (which I have done so on many occassions simply to babysit their two kids for something they had to do, and every time I'm here I'm always happy to watch the kids, I love my grandbabies more than anything so when they want to go out or play bingo or simply go to the grocery store I am always happy to babysit) so I told him the situation and asked if I could stay for 3-4 weeks. He said no. He just couldn't afford to feed me and didn't want the stress on his family. Now realize I don't want any of them to pay for any of my bills, I will deal with that. I was shocked and so hurt by this. Does he not remember the stress I had with him? His meth use? Stealing from me..lieing to me...dealing with cops and meth heads every day? I never hesitated to help him. Finally helping him to overcome. So I asked my pregnant daughter if I could sleep on her couch for a few weeks, she initially said yes, her fiance would fix the futon so I could sleep on it. So I drove to my moms, got my stuff, slept in my car so as not to ask anyone for money for hotel. Drove back to be greeted by my children basically telling me what a loser and burden I am and I can't stay with my daughter because she can't afford to feed me. And that I was a 48 year old child who did nothing but sleep. But, out of pity I could stay with my son with a long list of conditions and boundarys. To summarize I'm not allowed to sleep past 7:30am and not at all during the day. If I feel bad I'm to take a walk or play a game, because everyone feels bad sometimes. I just need to push through it they said. Everyone has bad days they said. I was so hurt. So angry. I left and slept in my car again. The next day I have succombed and am staying with my son and these ridiculous terms. I left today and took a nap in my car at the park after job searching. I just cannot believe this. After everything I've done for all of them. To simply abandon me at my lowest point. I wanted to end it all but I'm afraid I'll mess that up too and end up living and worse off. Has anyone else had similar experience? I just don't know what to think. I plan to get a job and go out on my own and forget them.
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Old 01-24-2015, 06:23 AM #2 (permalink)
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OMG girl and I thought my problems were bad. Yes my eldest son got into meth and at age 35 he still is. I no longer want to be around him because of his verbal abuse. My youngest son is vulgar and disrespectful toward's me and calls me lady. Your story scares me because right now my mother and I live together and what's to happen when she's gone. She's my best friend and understands me better than anyone. I am on disability which is a plus for me. Did you ask your mother if she accepted the fact that your sister told you to stay away? Do you have any friends that could help? I am sorry you're going through this and you're in my thoughts and prayers.
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Old 01-24-2015, 11:28 AM #3 (permalink)
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Omg , darling you keep going.when your settled and I'm sure you will be .no more babysitting in fact stuff them. Trust me there will come a time they need you. And you can say sorry you didn't help me when I needed it .i could never leave my mother to suffer alone weather she was sick or not. Sure I don't no you but family's family. They just use you. I to have four kids two of mine are adults and we all no we all got our own life's . I'm scared to death one day il be a burden.
But what goes around comes around. Hang in there girl xx
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Old 01-24-2015, 08:44 PM #4 (permalink)
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Do you have a Good Church to go to?
For Myself, it works. Please reach out to someone, we all need loving arms.
I was emotionally abandoned from my Mom and Dad, and grew up under difficult circumstances.
It took years and tears to walk through some very difficult areas of forgiveness. There's not enough time, nor do I know if you believe nor want to hear this.

God Blesses Messes
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Old 01-26-2015, 06:42 AM #5 (permalink)
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i am so sorry you are going through this. i hope you don't mind that i am sending prayers your way. I don't get how anyone can treat their mom like that. My mom has deminta and she lives with my wife and me. All three of us are sick and we take care of each other. It's the kid's job one day to take care of the parents. Sounds like your son needs to learn respect.
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Old 01-26-2015, 02:58 PM #6 (permalink)
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Hi Done,
So sorry to hear of your struggles. I do not have any contact with my two boys. I tried but they were so disrespectful that I was not willing to put up with the disrespect. Their father and I got divorced when they were 12 and 9. I gave him custody and paid child support but didn't see them. I felt if I just disappeared they would have a better life. I found out differently and contacted them once the younger one was 18. I couldn't believe the things they said to me over the next few years and I finally decided I was a good person and didn't deserve to be treated that way. My life has been much happier even though I think of them every day. I will always love them but I wasn't going to be told off by them all the time and blamed whenever they had issues. Both of my parents are deceased as well as 4 of 8 of my siblings. My blood family is so messed up. I have learned that hurt people hurt people and I just don't have much to do with any of them any more. I am the youngest of nine. Find a good therapist or support group hon. Learn to love yourself and expect the best and don't settle for anything less. Hugs to you!
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Old 01-26-2015, 09:29 PM #7 (permalink)
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Oh my! Thank you all for your kind words and support. Family sure can suck! Some of your stories break my heart. This illness is devastating, but being treated like a drug addict or a criminal by your own family is worse. Especially when you've done nothing but be sick to deserve it.
I'm so thankful to each of you, just to know that I'm not alone in this is so helpful in my mind.
Peace to you all.
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Old 01-26-2015, 10:10 PM #8 (permalink)
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Ok.....someone please tell me.........?.........why why why....is this such a secret? Why oh why DOESN'T our family's CARE.? I have a theory think I'll blog It.

God blesses messes!
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