Old 04-30-2017, 03:31 PM #1 (permalink)
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Default The dreaded L word!

Just wanted to vent, maybe make me feel a bit better. So I spent 4 days in a row last week helping hubby in the garden, taking down trees etc & spent all week paying for it. I went into work yesterday & spent 2 hours moving heavy case notes (I work in a hospital Monday to Friday, none of us ever work weekends) just to stop colleagues talking behind my back & calling me lazy. I'm watching my sisters pup for 3wks while she's on holiday which I offered to do & took her out a long walk today, ended up 4 & a half miles which really wasn't planned & I've been fit for nothing else since. I asked hubby to do something for me earlier & heard him mumble lazy f**ker on the way out the door loud enough for me to hear. Right now I could run away, this is hard enough to deal with without comments like that.
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Old 04-30-2017, 04:05 PM #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: The dreaded L word!

Lou38,
Sending thoughts of courage and encouragement your way. I know how hard it is when family members and friends seem to think that fibro is an lazy disorder and thus treat the one that has it with disrespect and hurtful words. I am glad your on this forum because we have all been there and can offer support and cyber friendships to offer advice and hope, and a sense of not being alone. We believe and care about your feelings and I hope that your husband starts giving you the support and help that you deserve.
Right now I am working part time, as I need the money, but I often over do as you say so the boss or others don't think I am just lazy. This weekend I have been pampering myself with doing nothing but watching movies and reading good books, walking around my yard and playing on computer. It was a beautiful day but I was lazy all day so to have energy enough to go to work tomorrow.
You can vent here as much as needed and we will provide the hugs and tissues to dry your eyes. Hope this brightens your day.
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Old 04-30-2017, 10:54 PM #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: The dreaded L word!

Hi Lou38,

It sounds like you were doing a lot.And on top of it taking care of a puppy!
He's got some nerve saying that to you.It upsets me because,sometimes I get that feeling from my husband and it really hurts. You are not lazy and
He needs to know your ill and you can only do so much.Saying that hurts your feeling and disrespects you.
You can talk to him calmly and tell him how you feel. Some men just don't get it ,or like when the woman can no longer do the things or work like they use do. They become selfish.Next time don't help him in the garden lol.

Vent away, I understand completely.


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Old 05-01-2017, 04:45 AM #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: The dreaded L word!

I completely feel your pain. I hate the word lazy, loathe it so so so very much.

It is hard enough for us to think we are being lazy, feel guilt about taking it easy while we are clearly exhausted (with or with no reason). Our inner battles are hell already. Then the outside world calls us lazy....that is when things really really break inside of us.

To let you know that you are not the only one, here is a personal story - on my birthdays, my mom and sister know that I allow myself to do anything and everything I like which usually includes going to a movie + lots of food. I rarely go out to cafes, but on my birthday we always do. The rest of the day, I eat crisps, chocolates, sweets etc. Also because I have no friends, I celebrate my birthday with animals. We have lots of stray animals so I go out and feed them extra yummy food, spend time with them, cuddle with them etc. This has been my traditional for the last 10 years. But on my last birthday, I was so exhausted after the movie that I did not want to go out for lunch, or do take-away, so we went home and I went into bed, resting most of the day. I was in bed crying because I wanted to do fun things, spend time with animals, eat bad food, but I could not even get out of my bed. Then I hear my mom on the phone to my aunt, 'she is in bed, being lazy'. I was so so so heartbroken. How can they not see that this is not being lazy. I confronted her the next day, she just shrugged her shoulders and said 'I did not want to worry your aunt'. But this was a lie because they were not worried about me whatsoever that day. They did not even bring me a cup of tea, or made me any food. They did not even come in to ask me whether I was feeling ok.

I am heartbroken and honestly I am also very angry at them. But I also noticed how I am not the only one. My online buddies from a social anxiety forum share the same sentiments as well. Often the people we expect understanding from do not understand us whatsoever. They, in fact, do not know us at all. In my case, though I love love love my mom, I am also trying to accept the fact that she is simply not a caring mother. If I asked her now what my illness is, she would not be able to say fibromyalgia or depression or borderline personality disorder or social anxiety, even though I have told her a thousand times.... So yeah...in her eyes, I am just being lazy....or weak.
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Old 05-01-2017, 05:32 AM #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: The dreaded L word!

Thanks for all your kind words, it means a lot. My husband apologised last night and said he'd just had a hard weekend between working a 12 hour shift on Friday and spending most of the weekend painting fences etc in the garden. It was more like an I've said sorry, get over it kind of apology which hurt more because he didn't get just how much hurt his words had caused me. Hell if I were lazy I wouldn't do even half of what I do around the house or work 30 hours a week. It's harder on me because I work school hours which is great for not needing childcare but it means I never get a break between kids & work. My husband works shifts and doesn't realise how lucky he is having a weekday off every week to himself. Men! They always think they're the ones who are hard done by!
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Old 05-01-2017, 05:12 PM #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: The dreaded L word!

I wish i had the energy to write my own personal stories but truly we ALL have them...yes they hurt so much so Lou and everyone i empathize entirely!

Vickythecats description i can relate to on many levels...i haven't actually been called lazy..but ive been told i don't try hard enough..it's my lifestyle....or blamed as if its all imaginary and my own father said it wasnt possible to have pain that bad for no reason..that it wasn't 'normal'..lol i know it's it not normal!

It makes you a mixture of frustrated hurt and angry all at the same time..i kind of recoil and want to stay away from people who make these comments....let them walk a mile in our shoes..or even try sleeping at night in pain....see how desperate they would be to get back in their own pain free bodies!
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Old 05-02-2017, 10:41 AM #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: The dreaded L word!

Quote:
Originally Posted by vickythecat View Post

Often the people we expect understanding from do not understand us whatsoever. They, in fact, do not know us at all.

This is so true. It is part of the reason that I do not trust people and mostly avoid them. I have learned not to count on anyone, ever, except myself, and my life experience has taught me this. I am so very sorry that your husband said such a cruel insensitive thing to you. I have a hard tie being as alone as I am in the world, but at least no one is treating me like that.

Often, I wonder how well anyone can ever really know another person. I think, maybe really not that well, no matter how long you have known them or even lived with them. It takes a lot of effort on the part of both people really to understand each other and most people never bother to try.
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Old 05-03-2017, 09:21 AM #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: The dreaded L word!

sunkacola you are so right...i dont think we know people at all...its when times are testing we find out how much they actually care about us..mostly i have found i AM THE MOST CARING...lol other people only want me for the good parts or the life i offer them or contribute to....when ever anything seriously bad happens i have rarely found anyone cares very deeply..or they might for a while but if anything is long term they get resentful or simply dont understand and once your not the fun capable person they want you to be then their resentment gets aimed at you too .....almost like punishment on top of some of lifes greatest challenges..like fibro or other health issues..
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