Old 06-19-2017, 12:05 AM #1 (permalink)
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Default Feeling twice older than my age

Why does fibromyalgia make me feel so old? I mean not just in the physical sense but more like mentally sense. I want to stay young since I'm pushing 40, but I can't get excited with anything politics anymore , I feels tired and annoyed watching people go on and about every thing so negatively that they don't even know half of what they were talking about, it's very sad yet I have to listen to them go on and on cause it making them feels good about them self, I do want to help them do so but my brain just kept thinking about a 1000 way to kill my self with.

When my mother passed away from non-smoking lung cancer that she fought hard for 5 years after diagnosed with stage 4 . ( her pictures on the left on my Avatar) And because of all the anti cigarette campaign video of all the people who coughing dying with lung cancer And many other nasty deceases were deemed as they're all Deserving To Die messages. Lots of people thought my mother was a closet smoker. And everytime I've been asked about it I felt like I have to defending her honor by explaning how she have alway been a big time anti-smoking person all her life ever since she was young. And it's the Non-smoker type cancer. As her doctor confirmed over and over that non-smoker are the very aggressive type of cancer that spread very quickly from lung to bones and brain , and harder to kill completely with chemo cause it's always comes back and faster than before. I guess I just had enough explaining and defending. I felt angry and pain by those anti smoking adds so much , it felt like my heart were crushed , and I can't breath everytime they played the old person suffering and dying alone in their bed with no one , or with someone who doesn't want to take care of them by their side, as if they aren't human being but more like disgusting trash, so bad that at one point when the commercial add coming on I started to smoking my self out of spite, although not that I would continuing after much of course.

I feel sadness depress and then I feels old. I'm thinking of life and death very often. My brain starting to get useless do to fibro fog. I lost the excitement of living, and more like how should I prepare for the worst of tomorrow. I used to be a possitive person , still am , but not as much or as often as I once was.
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Old 06-19-2017, 06:13 PM #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Feeling twice older than my age

Hi Tipnatee,

I'm sorry you lost your mom.That bond of mother and daughter is very difficult to lose.

You have to give yourself time to grieve .Some can take awhile before they feel they can move on.And that doesn't mean your not going to think about her every day.
Having Fibromyalgia is not easy, some days we fight to remain positive.But we have to try and work at it.Of course they're are days that we feel twice our age,but that's what we are dealt with right now.Who knows what our future will bring.
You could improve and have more active days.We can't give up on ourselves.You sound like a strong independent person.And as long as you can try to remain positive most of the time,you'll be ok.

I have days that I'm down too,and wonder why god has chosen me to have this disease.But then the next day I'll get up and try to do something to cheer myself up.Like your cooking u enjoy.People like to read about your recipes,and that makes u feel good.Im sure you have other good qualities to give to others.

As I get older I feel like I want to give back more to the world.If it's just helping someone in the store or whatever.Even though I'm sick I have a lot to look forward to,like grandchildren eventually lol.

Nobody is perfect and nobody has a perfect life.So having Fibromyalgia is definitely a block in the road. There are many detours that we can take in life to make it better for us.When you have a disease like this you might have to be a bit more selfish, and do things that help improve your life.

Your'e not alone and this is a good place to vent and people will listen!


Have a good day!



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Old 06-19-2017, 08:42 PM #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Feeling twice older than my age

Your words really moved me to tears 😭 thank you.
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Old 06-19-2017, 10:42 PM #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Feeling twice older than my age

I must say , one image of her that still haunted me every now and then is when I was with her a month before she's gone is the image of her trying very hard standing and gripping the back yard stair rail trying to look very hard outside since her eyes could hardly see much more since cancer had already spreaded to her brain. The hospice nurse and I asked her what is she trying to do? .. Her answer was " I'm waiting for my daughter". I went in front of her and told her that I was right here .. she looking up at my face and she smile at me as bright as the sun in that afternoon. I should be happy to have that memory of her but everytime that I recall that image right now all I have are my tear fallen down over my face and it can't be stop. You are right , I've never really actually allowing my self to grief fully. Life has been one hell after another. I'm trying to keep my cool but at this point I'm starting to lose my balances bits by bits.

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Old 06-24-2017, 09:05 AM #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Feeling twice older than my age

I feel you, im 19 and have had fibromyalgia for about 5 years now. I work in an assisted living retirement home with seniors and i feel like a senior most of the time!
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