Old 02-08-2018, 07:10 AM #1 (permalink)
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Default Remarks from doctors - that hurt real bad

Hi,

After many years of living as a recluse, I finally started going to doctors and getting referrals to see specialists.

From the 1st doctor I went to; while in a full blast panic attack, these are the remarks she made;

- "you should start working" (yeah because I finished an ivy league university with honors, worked from the age of 17, so that I could sit at home completely broke and feeling useless, worthless? thanks for the reminder doc!)

- "you should get out more, with friends, go on a holiday" (you paying doc? While at it, why not find me some friends too, and a cure for fibro.....)

but wait....

- "you should get a massage, it will cure your fibromyalgia" (cure!!??!! Wow, she should get the Nobel prize!)

- "you should lose some weight" (even after telling her I had lost 10 pounds last year and was finally within the very healthy BMI range!!! Do I need to be size 0?)

Then highlights from my next appointments with other specialists;

- when I told the ob/gyn doctor that these examinations cause me extra anxiety because of my past trauma, she said the following; "60% of women have been raped or sexually assaulted, but they move on. You should too." (wow....I have no comment for this one.)

- the orthopedic surgeon - at least he was very honest - your shoulder is a mess. There is no painkiller in the world for this pain, you should have surgery. BUT a surgery can make things even worse for you. And can take months on the state system, but thousands of dollars in a private hospital. Good luck to you. (thanks doc, no wonder I was feeling hopeless LOL)

I don't know, I somehow expect more from doctors, you know. These remarks are often made by 'normal' human beings, but doctors see all kinds of patients, are trained for many years, (I hope) they exchange people-knowledge among each other, read a lot of scientific literature, stay up-to-date on statistics, treatments, research....but apparently, most doctors simply don't.

I now need a few weeks off to continue with my medical journey. I really need a time out, these visits were really so very tiring and each time I felt like I was being punched in the gut, slapped in the face, and kicked in the butt!!! I need to learn to box better LOL
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Old 02-08-2018, 01:06 PM #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Remarks from doctors - that hurt real bad


Geez!
So far I've been lucky - I went to a pain specialist because of the pains I was having 2 years ago and they are the ones that diagnosed me with Fibro - and they are actually one of the first that come up in a web search for Fibro stuff , at least in my area-

My normal doc is very compassionate and takes in consideration of everything, even my gyno.. shes awesome and well - very gentle.

I'm sorry you have to deal with jerks, at least your one doc was honest and straight to the point - id rather have that than jerk doc say something stupid like a massage will cure your Fibro.. if that was the case, we would all be "cured" and we wouldn't have a forum!
Just WOW to that doc... i mean really??

Hang in there, hopefully you will find some docs that arn't as jerky! They are out there I promise! Far and few between.. but they are there
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Old 02-08-2018, 03:13 PM #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Remarks from doctors - that hurt real bad

vickythect, what can I say. Except that I am so sorry that you ended up going to those particular #$@%^&* doctors.

What I think: While doctors are supposedly trained to handle patients appropriately, they are mostly trained to think of themselves as being superior to their patients. This is a fact, as I have heard this first hand from people in medical school. This attitude is drilled into them, supposedly so that they will be able to be objective and make hard decisions without sentiment, and not allow a failure which perhaps cost the patient dearly to ruin their lives and careers.

What this attitude produces in most people, though, is callousness. Unless you actually get a doctor who has the same disorder you have (very unlikely) they will not be truly empathetic. And with Fibro it is even less likely.
Like the doctor who told me that unless I worked out five days a week for 45 minutes a day keeping my heart rate constantly above a certain level, I wasn't trying hard enough and that that was the "only" thing that would help.
Right.

Clearly the person who said a massage would "cure" doesn't believe that Fibro exists in the first place.
To heck with her.

Clearly the doctor who told you to go on holiday has never spent any time living hand-to-mouth and therefore forgets that anyone does. I have noticed that the vast majority of rich people constantly forget that not everyone can afford to do the things that they do, and usually act surprised when told that the funds to spontaneously join them in Belize for a week just don't exist in my world.

The doctor who told you to go back to work is a complete idiot. Why do people not realize that if we could do XYZ, whatever it is, we would?!

Being told you should lose weight is totally inappropriate unless you are morbidly obese, in which case it is a health matter that should be addressed. Clearly from what you say this is not the case for you!

And the one who said that about 60% of women.....how the heck does she know that "they move on"?? Has she talked to all of them?? That was a ridiculous thing to say, not to mention highly inappropriate, unprofessional and insensitive. If that person knew anything about the subject she would know that everyone's story is different, and you cannot be where you aren't. If something is traumatic for you, it just is. Leave it alone.

I suspect that either A) she was never sexually abused and has never spent any time working with women who were and therefore no idea what she is talking about or B) she was abused, and has never dealt with it, preferring to bury it under layers of "I'm fine, I'm fine, I moved on", pretending that it has no affect on her life.
If the latter is the case, she is wrong about that.

The thing I have learned is not to expect better than that from doctors, and then I am not disappointed.
Most of them are not truly caring individuals. They are just there to do a job and they don't like dealing with people like us very much because they can't fix us. I think sometimes that frustrates them because they like to think of themselves as god-like mechanics who fix things. They then take that frustration out on us.
JMO, based on my experience.
Of which I have had plenty.
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Old 02-12-2018, 10:03 AM #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Remarks from doctors - that hurt real bad

Quote:
Originally Posted by sunkacola View Post
I have noticed that the vast majority of rich people constantly forget that not everyone can afford to do the things that they do, and usually act surprised when told that the funds to spontaneously join them in Belize for a week just don't exist in my world.


The thing I have learned is not to expect better than that from doctors, and then I am not disappointed.
Most of them are not truly caring individuals. They are just there to do a job and they don't like dealing with people like us very much because they can't fix us. I think sometimes that frustrates them because they like to think of themselves as god-like mechanics who fix things. They then take that frustration out on us.
JMO, based on my experience.
Of which I have had plenty.
Hahaha just picturing rich people being surprised that I won't be able to join them in Belize! LOL!!! I actually do know people like that. The world we live in....

The 10 days after these doctors' visit (which I had to spend mostly in bed and in tears), I am finally doing better and just like you say, each visit, each comment is a lesson learned. I had already lowered my expectations, but now know to even further lower them. Sad but true.

I am also glad I met that great urologist - he is proof that there are doctors out there who do actually care about their patients. Or the very honest one, love that too. Give it to me straight, don't play the 'you'll get better, don't worry, you should work, you should go on a holiday, you should get private massages' game with me.
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Old 02-16-2018, 09:54 AM #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Remarks from doctors - that hurt real bad

Yes, Vicky, those doctors are few and far between. I have often had better success with a nurse practitioner, but I have also run into a few of those who were much worse than the doctors. So you never know.

I go into every new doctor situation with a smile and with great politeness and a calm rational explanation of what is going on, no emotion. I am friendly but not deferential, and I expect the worst from the doctor while acting as though I expect the best. That way I don't come off as suspicious or wary, even though I am on the inside. And if the person is inclined to be decent and listen to me and treat me like an intelligent human being then we are off to a good start. If the doctor person turns out to be one of the bad ones, I am not hurt or disappointed because on the inside I am already steeled for exactly this to happen. I think this is the best way to approach it, for me at least.

Letting the bad doctors get to me only damages me. It does no good, and makes no difference to how things are except that it will make me sicker both physically and emotionally. After a bad experience I tend to go home and focus all of my energy that evening on doing whatever I need to do to get over what has just happened as fast as possible.

Usually this just means, for me, absolutely refusing to focus on it or replay it in my head, telling myself that their opinion of me has no bearing on who I am or what is going on, and that I am a strong person and this will not bring me down. I do not talk about the experience with anyone because this just reinforces the bad feelings. I find it is best just to let it go, let it be in the past as fast as possible. Dwelling on it does no good and does a lot of harm to me. I distract myself with a book or movie, play with my dogs, and go to bed and by the next day I am over it.

Some people say that there's no difference between rich people and poor ones but there is, and I guess you have to be one of the poorer ones to see that. In my experience the less someone has, the more likely it is that that person will be generous and sharing with what they have, and the more a person has the more indifferent and entitled that person tends to be.
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