1sweed's blog

Sometimes I come to this blog all filled with energy and many ways of welcoming in our new members. I want everyone who comes to feel very welcome and know that this forum cares about them. But sometimes I feel like a one woman show because I struggle each time to say enough hello's and get you newbies settled in and posting, and yet a few of you slip by the way side and start feeling that no one cares.

I am happy to report my small garden is growing, so later this summer I will have the makings of a big salad with all fresh ingredients. This garden is just a hobby to keep my mind off the pain of fibro. Sometimes thou the garden makes me remember my fibro when my lower back hurts and cramps up and my knees get painful and weak. But I think the pain is worth the effort to have a small plot of food.

I have been trying to work on new hobbies to take my mind off the pain I feel, but some new hobbies cause more pain drather then less. Like my garden, which I got planted with things that won't freeze if we have a late frost, but now we are having hard rainstorms that I worry about washing out my seeds. So far nothing has sprouted and I am hoping that the seeds will grow. So another thing causing stress instead of curing it. lol

As you know this is not the 9th day of me being here, it's just my way of setting up the times I blog.

Life is strange how the twists and turns of it all often bring you back to the places you began. I was born in Pa, traveled out west a few times, settled back in Pa, for a short time. Then moved to Fl, for two years, moved back to Pa, then moved to Fl, for 24 years. Now I am back in Pa, again with no plans to move anywheres else for now. And I am content to be here.

Sometimes I wonder why I like being a loner. I was always one who liked exploring in the forests alone and going off on horseback rides by myself. In school I had friends, but never felt like part of a group, and never had that real close feeling of a true friend with anyone. It was not for lack of trying, trying so hard but failing in the end.

Although, I don't post here everyday I do think on things to write about that could help someone else who is coping with the loss of work or the pain and heartache we get from family and friends that think we are faking it all.

First off I too struggle with paying bills and finding enough food and doing my own thing. this year I hope to have a small garden that will give me a few vegetables to help me save money at the grocery store.

My life this week has been a nightmare in relation to trying to help my mom and also care for myself as well. We have reached a stage where many visits and phone calls are necessary to keep her safe and happy with all care givers.

But I am the go to girl. I must cook the meals and clean the house, buy the groceries and do the laundry, take to doctor appointments and make sure everyone else is on the same page, and boy am I wore out.

It seems that life is never ending in pain and suffering, but is often short in happiness and being pain-free. Now I am on the edge of a flare, but not yet into one. The sadness and stress in my life is running at a slow but continuous cycle of ups and downs that keep me in a state of confusion in trying to understand it all.

This will be day four because, well it falls next in line so why not. I have been so busy the last several days that I really wore myself out. Too many errands and too little time set aside for myself. I ran myself ragged trying to keep up with the physical and mental chores, that others laided out for me, until my brain shut down and I could almost think no more.

This is the third day I have posted in this blog and I feel it will be a connect the dots type of blog, where everything I say will come together in a way that makes it all easier to understand and shows a pathway out.

Today I went down to the edge of the woods near my home and stood there and listened. The birds were singing and the trees were talking in the wind, that click and clatter, that they make as the wind flows between the branches. Ever now and then a branch would break off and fall to the ground. And time stood still.