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CrazyCatLady

Member
Joined
Jul 29, 2016
Messages
20
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
07/2016
Country
CA
State
ON
Hi!

So, I posted in the newly diagnosed section but this seems to be the place to introduce ones-self, so here I go!

I was just diagnosed on monday but have had a lifetime of pain in my 28 short years.
I feel like a 90 year old inside and out.

I was bullied all through school and never had any friends then was brutally assaulted at 15 and became agoraphobic and couldn't go to school. I've always been introverted because I was bullied-- never partied. Always straight edge; never tried smoking or drinking or recreational drugs.
I've had one boyfriend and he broke up with me 8 years ago and I truly believe I'll be alone forever because I'm unemployed and depressed and extremely anxious and don't trust people.

When I was a little girl, I thought I'd have children and a job that I sort of liked and maybe even a home but those dreams seem to have been dashed off the side of a very sharp, rocky cliff.
I watch people I went to school with who were all kind of terrible to me, appear to be so happy and to experience new things and to travel and work and get married and be in relationships and start families and I feel stunted.
I feel totally alone in this.
When my mom was my age, she was married and owned a house and had 2 children. haha
My older sister is a single parent with the most incredible kid and my younger brother owns a fancy car and has travelled the world and here I am, trapped in my mind... and now, in my body too.

I feel like even if I miraculously felt well enough to think of a dream and to chase it, now-- my body would stop me. I'm in too much pain to do anything and wasted my 'healthy years' doing nothing.

It's very discouraging.

Anyways... I'll have to just keep trying.
I've heard it all-- I'm 'still young' and 'don't know what could happen', so whatever... :roll:
Haha.

Thankyou for being here, forum!
 

diamond

Legendary member
Joined
Sep 18, 2015
Messages
1,548
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
01/2008
Country
UK
State
anywhere
Dear Crazycatlady...I am a crazy cat lover so maybe you are too.

I am so sorry for your situation being young in some ways makes it harder and while i long for my old life back I am grateful for the years i had as a healthy woman.

Your background of emotional suffering is quite typical of many who get fibro...my first symptoms started as fatigue in my early 30's but no pain then thank goodness.

Have you seen a rheumatologist who can discuss possible treatments with you.....and what about help with your anxiety and depression.

Are there any support groups for any of these near you...mixing with other people that suffer from anxiety is a very safe environment to meet people share experiences and strike up friendships even if they do not last forever it can e a way back into gaining the confidence to mix with people.

Stay here and vent or ask anything. Take Care
 

CrazyCatLady

Member
Joined
Jul 29, 2016
Messages
20
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
07/2016
Country
CA
State
ON
Dear Crazycatlady...I am a crazy cat lover so maybe you are too.

I am so sorry for your situation being young in some ways makes it harder and while i long for my old life back I am grateful for the years i had as a healthy woman.

Your background of emotional suffering is quite typical of many who get fibro...my first symptoms started as fatigue in my early 30's but no pain then thank goodness.

Have you seen a rheumatologist who can discuss possible treatments with you.....and what about help with your anxiety and depression.

Are there any support groups for any of these near you...mixing with other people that suffer from anxiety is a very safe environment to meet people share experiences and strike up friendships even if they do not last forever it can e a way back into gaining the confidence to mix with people.

Stay here and vent or ask anything. Take Care



Thankyou for your empathy and care, willow.
I did take the username 'CrazyCatLady' because I like cats-- but I only have one and I'm not obsessed with them as much as a few other people I know. haha
I just don't socialize, so most of the talking I do in a week tends to be at my cat who is often times my only friend.

My rheumatologist-- the one who diagnosed me; sent me back to my horrible neurologist to talk about treatment options... but I haven't had any luck with her at all-- she doesn't answer messages at all; took her 9 months to make an MRI appointment and her reception just plays on their phone all day long and don't even look at you when you try to talk to them... I'm going to try to get a different neurologist, as I think I should still look into causes for the numbness in my face and eye.
My GP has talked over therapies and such.
There are exactly zero therapists in my area for me to see on a regular basis which is absolutely ridiculous. In the last town I lived in-- little town in the middle of nowhere; they had a whole bunch of therapists AND volunteer psych doctors who made home visits and would go out for walks with me.
Now I'm in a much larger town and there's nothing that I can get that's included in my provincial health insurance.

It's getting to the point that I can't even walk without a cane anymore and this happened very quickly; so I think that I can enter a water therapy program at the nearby hospital.
... think I'll do that.


Thanks for being here!
 

njdev95av

New member
Joined
Sep 12, 2016
Messages
8
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
04/2000
Country
US
State
NJ
I know what it is like to have all your dreams fade away, for a long time i was afraid to even let myself hope for a life because overtime i had a flare or setback I ended up in more pain that i started with. i am also a middle child (only 32 started with health problems a 8years ) with a successful older sister and a younger brother that travels all over the country for work, who is also getting ready to propose to his girlfriend. haven't been able to work for over 4 years and ended up moving back in with my parents. I feel like the loser of the family and a complete failure all the time. then I remind myself that no one else in my family has ever dealt with a serious health problem except me and the way they act when they get the flu tells me they would not survive what I go through every day.

It is easier for me to look at the brighter side now that i have found a treatment plan that is actually starting to work for me, i used to feel like i was just waiting to die. one thing that i do on my better days is take my dog for therapy visits, you might want to see if a local hospital or treatment center has therapy dog visits and if they can set up a home visitation program. some programs are free based on volunteer availability. most therapy dogs are calm enough even around cats that it shouldn't be a problem and if you are having an ok day they would probably be happy to go for short walks with you or sit outside. for a long time my dog was the only reason I got up in the morning so I understand the benefits of companion animals well.

I don't know if it would help you but have you thought about trying alternative therapies? I found that for me a combination of paleo/vegetarian eating combined with supplements and essential oils is what finally started to help me. The medication I was taking was actually doing much more harm than good but i couldn't tell how bad my side effects were until i was able to come off of them. Just remember that not all Essential Oils are created equal. some have synthetic chemicals that can not only make them burn you but also get absorbed into the body and add to the symptoms you already have. look for a high purity oil like Young Living or DoTerra. they are more expensive but worth it in my opinion. If you do not have a bath you can add a few drops of an essential oil to a carrier oil (coconut or olive work well) and massage specific areas, I use peppermint and wintergreen daily for pain and clove and cypress for circulation issues. if you would like more info about the oils please let me know. the other supplement I am taking is a high potency chlorophyll supplement, I use Vitamineral Green. It has a lot of vitamins and minerals and the days I miss taking it I really notice a drop in mood, energy level, and an increase in my pain and head aches.

I also think you need to find some new doctors, if you can't honestly talk to them and expect actual answers and timely action than they are not the type of doctor with the patient best interest in mind. i have been to 4 GI docs before I found the right fit but once you have one good doctor they can help you find others.

Good luck and as my therapist always reminds me; even on your worst day if you chose to do something no matter how small you have succeeded in doing something.
 

Shyest

Member
Joined
Sep 12, 2016
Messages
17
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
01/2014
Country
US
State
PA
I'm 24 and have Fibro and CFS and a host of other stuff. I empathize a lot with what you are going through, I am so sorry you have had such difficulties in addition to now being ill.

If therapy is something you are interested in, and you might be able to submit "out of network" (I do not know how Canada's health care system works) or if you could pay out of pocket even a few times, you might benefit from something called "teletherapy/telephsychiatry." It lets you use a phone or skype/google chat, other video chat service to have a session with your mental health therapist or doctor. I know it may not be 100% the same as being in a room with the person, but maybe it would still be something to think over. It isn't usually any more expensive then in person therapy meetings. I knew of one doctor I found online in the US once who charged reduced rates via a sliding scale, so if you would pay out of pocket this is a feature to look for. I don't know if you have been diagnosed and I do not mean this in a "I am diagnosing you without meeting you through the internet despite not being a doctor" way, but given how much you have been through you might want to be screened for PTSD symptoms. Even if you don't have this diagnosis, if you have some of the symptoms, you might want to try a type of talk therapy called EMDR once/if you find a therapist you like.

I too am unemployed (and possibly filing for gov benefits in the next few months if no changes in my health occur), anxious, and rarely leave the house (not agoraphobic, but lend towards a homebody personality even before chronic illness took my ability to really leave away).
 

FibroFighter93

New member
Joined
Sep 13, 2016
Messages
7
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
08/2016
Country
US
State
Maryland
Dear CrazyCatLady,

I am so sorry for everything that you are going through. I am right there with you on what you said in the end about "being young and never know what could happen" I hear this a lot, from my boyfriend and parents, I know they say this to keep me positive and hopeful, but I just feel like they don't understand what we are feeling or going through not only physically with the pain but mentally too. Pain changes people, it changes how we act and how we think. I am only 23 and just got diagnosed with Fibromyalgia a month ago. But I have been suffering from this for 6 years. I was wondering if you have tried anything for Anxiety and Depression? Like different SSRIs, Depression and Pain sort of go hand and hand, I have tried SO MANY different options, Lyrica, Cymbalta, Lexapro, etc. I found that Zoloft has REALLY helped me cope with what I am going through, don't get me wrong I still have bad days where I get fed up, and emotional but overall it does help. Also, Tylenol with Codine helps my pain.

Stay strong through this journey, and know you are NOT ALONE. By the way I love your username, I am a Crazy Cat Lady myself I have 3 cats and just got a new kitten! haha
 

CrazyCatLady

Member
Joined
Jul 29, 2016
Messages
20
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
07/2016
Country
CA
State
ON
I know what it is like to have all your dreams fade away, for a long time i was afraid to even let myself hope for a life because overtime i had a flare or setback I ended up in more pain that i started with. i am also a middle child (only 32 started with health problems a 8years ) with a successful older sister and a younger brother that travels all over the country for work, who is also getting ready to propose to his girlfriend. haven't been able to work for over 4 years and ended up moving back in with my parents. I feel like the loser of the family and a complete failure all the time. then I remind myself that no one else in my family has ever dealt with a serious health problem except me and the way they act when they get the flu tells me they would not survive what I go through every day.

It is easier for me to look at the brighter side now that i have found a treatment plan that is actually starting to work for me, i used to feel like i was just waiting to die. one thing that i do on my better days is take my dog for therapy visits, you might want to see if a local hospital or treatment center has therapy dog visits and if they can set up a home visitation program. some programs are free based on volunteer availability. most therapy dogs are calm enough even around cats that it shouldn't be a problem and if you are having an ok day they would probably be happy to go for short walks with you or sit outside. for a long time my dog was the only reason I got up in the morning so I understand the benefits of companion animals well.

I don't know if it would help you but have you thought about trying alternative therapies? I found that for me a combination of paleo/vegetarian eating combined with supplements and essential oils is what finally started to help me. The medication I was taking was actually doing much more harm than good but i couldn't tell how bad my side effects were until i was able to come off of them. Just remember that not all Essential Oils are created equal. some have synthetic chemicals that can not only make them burn you but also get absorbed into the body and add to the symptoms you already have. look for a high purity oil like Young Living or DoTerra. they are more expensive but worth it in my opinion. If you do not have a bath you can add a few drops of an essential oil to a carrier oil (coconut or olive work well) and massage specific areas, I use peppermint and wintergreen daily for pain and clove and cypress for circulation issues. if you would like more info about the oils please let me know. the other supplement I am taking is a high potency chlorophyll supplement, I use Vitamineral Green. It has a lot of vitamins and minerals and the days I miss taking it I really notice a drop in mood, energy level, and an increase in my pain and head aches.

I also think you need to find some new doctors, if you can't honestly talk to them and expect actual answers and timely action than they are not the type of doctor with the patient best interest in mind. i have been to 4 GI docs before I found the right fit but once you have one good doctor they can help you find others.

Good luck and as my therapist always reminds me; even on your worst day if you chose to do something no matter how small you have succeeded in doing something.

Hi, there!
I'm a little relieved to hear I'm not the only one who feels how I do-- but then... how could I be? Fibro seems to be such an all-encompassing illness that I can't possibly be the only one who feels helpless. Who feels like a loser.
Over the last 10 years, I've been on over 23 different medications for anxiety and none of them have done anything positive for me. I'm incredibly sensitive to any and all chemicals, it would seem-- in my food and in my pills; and my body does NOT absorb any vitamins from anything even though I have had everything tested and appear to be perfectly normal.
I eat a vegetarian, dairy free, gluten free, anti-inflammatory diet and take a large number of supplements as well as dietenacious earth and healthy gut /protein power/the works-- nothing ever makes me feel any better.
My mom is like an unlicensed natruopath and is always researching ways to help me feel better and new supplements to try.
There is only so much we can do, though-- as we live in low income housing and I have to somehow live off of 80$/month for food since that's all I can seem to get from disability.
It's rough much of the time. Food banks can only do so much but I'm thankful to have them as a resource at all.

As for my doctor---- yes. I'm always on the lookout for someone better but not many people are taking in new patients and I can't choose for myself without a referral because I can't afford to pay for anyone not covered entirely by the province's health plan.
So... I wait. haha
 

CrazyCatLady

Member
Joined
Jul 29, 2016
Messages
20
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
07/2016
Country
CA
State
ON
I'm 24 and have Fibro and CFS and a host of other stuff. I empathize a lot with what you are going through, I am so sorry you have had such difficulties in addition to now being ill.

If therapy is something you are interested in, and you might be able to submit "out of network" (I do not know how Canada's health care system works) or if you could pay out of pocket even a few times, you might benefit from something called "teletherapy/telephsychiatry." It lets you use a phone or skype/google chat, other video chat service to have a session with your mental health therapist or doctor. I know it may not be 100% the same as being in a room with the person, but maybe it would still be something to think over. It isn't usually any more expensive then in person therapy meetings. I knew of one doctor I found online in the US once who charged reduced rates via a sliding scale, so if you would pay out of pocket this is a feature to look for. I don't know if you have been diagnosed and I do not mean this in a "I am diagnosing you without meeting you through the internet despite not being a doctor" way, but given how much you have been through you might want to be screened for PTSD symptoms. Even if you don't have this diagnosis, if you have some of the symptoms, you might want to try a type of talk therapy called EMDR once/if you find a therapist you like.

I too am unemployed (and possibly filing for gov benefits in the next few months if no changes in my health occur), anxious, and rarely leave the house (not agoraphobic, but lend towards a homebody personality even before chronic illness took my ability to really leave away).

Oh, yes-- I was first diagnosed with PTSD at 5 years old-- then again at 16 and again at 20... haha
I have found that therapy had left me more upset and not really helped me at all... but I would like to try again, soon. (I've attempted cbt and emdr 5 times in total over the years)
The problem is that we've moved to a city with MUCH less resources and it's been extremely difficult to get in anywhere that will have me longterm, since they do single sessions and kick you out... as if one session would do anything.
I have no money at all, so I can't do anything that isn't fully covered-- which is another big problem.
Any of the mental health programs that are FREE, tend to be short term for addicts, though... which means IF I can even get matched with a therapist that I like; I can only see them for 4 or 5 months before I have to stop seeing them... which is silly since I have had PTSD and agoraphobia for a very long time, so you would think that I would require a longer commitment.

So, I'm just trying not to lose hope and to be open to new therapies and not scared away from things I have tried in the past because as you get older, you change and maybe I wasn't *ready*, back then but I am now, right? You never know.
 

CrazyCatLady

Member
Joined
Jul 29, 2016
Messages
20
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
07/2016
Country
CA
State
ON
Dear CrazyCatLady,

I am so sorry for everything that you are going through. I am right there with you on what you said in the end about "being young and never know what could happen" I hear this a lot, from my boyfriend and parents, I know they say this to keep me positive and hopeful, but I just feel like they don't understand what we are feeling or going through not only physically with the pain but mentally too. Pain changes people, it changes how we act and how we think. I am only 23 and just got diagnosed with Fibromyalgia a month ago. But I have been suffering from this for 6 years. I was wondering if you have tried anything for Anxiety and Depression? Like different SSRIs, Depression and Pain sort of go hand and hand, I have tried SO MANY different options, Lyrica, Cymbalta, Lexapro, etc. I found that Zoloft has REALLY helped me cope with what I am going through, don't get me wrong I still have bad days where I get fed up, and emotional but overall it does help. Also, Tylenol with Codine helps my pain.

Stay strong through this journey, and know you are NOT ALONE. By the way I love your username, I am a Crazy Cat Lady myself I have 3 cats and just got a new kitten! haha

A new kitten!! I'm so jealous!
My mom seems to want another cat-- and of course I do as well but right now, I can hardly afford to feed my one cat, so it's best to just keep her as a single cat-child for now.
One day I will have many more!


About the meds; yes, I have tried many many many different medications and combinations of SSRI's and always, always, always get the WORST side-effects. I was always sick, could never think and was puking constantly and having issues with clotting and worse depression and migraines and liver problems and several times, was taking meds that kept me awake for 6 days at a time until I crashed and ended up in the hospital.
So... I'm trying to go all natural because I've never been able to take meds and have them do ANYTHING for me. haha
 

FibroFighter93

New member
Joined
Sep 13, 2016
Messages
7
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
08/2016
Country
US
State
Maryland
Awe well at least you have one good kitty to help you through this! I have 4 cats and 2 dogs, and its crazy that my furr babies know when I am having the WORST day, they stick by me like glue. I think animals understand our pain more than some people.

Im very sorry you cant find a medication that works for you, I am also very sensitive to medications, I have been through a VERY long list of meds that didnt work for me at all. Ive tried natural supplements as well but they make me sick as a dog! Extreme nausea, vomiting, fatigue...etc. So I know exactly what you are going through. Stay strong girl, you are not alone!
 
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