A whole day of torture

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Akshunhiro

Member
Joined
Jun 21, 2017
Messages
16
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
04/2012
Country
AU
State
NSW
I don't know if this relates to fibro, maybe indirectly, but I need to vent. I just had one of the worst days of my whole life. In addition to fibro and ankylosing spondylitis, I also suffer from GERD (gastroesophageal reflux disease) which causes me to get nutcracker esophageal spasms. I've mentioned these before but for those who didn't read that particular post, these spasms occur just under the tip of the sternum and they feel like a heart attack or a bad leg cramp in your chest. They can last between minutes and hours. Utter agony.

A few days ago, I had one that lasted 4 hours and I had thought that was a nightmare. Man, I was so wrong about that.

Yesterday, I had a series of these spasms that lasted for about 15-16 hours. I was begging to die and it just kept going on and on and on and my whole world was just one long excruciating torture session with not one second of relief. I suspect that the fibro might be amplifying the pain because my whole family gets these spasms and they don't get hit nearly as hard as I do.

I'm so incredibly tired. I feel like I've been hit by a tour bus at full occupancy. And I just keep wondering why all these things are happening to me. I don't deserve them. I'm a good person. Why is my whole life about pain?

I took a very painful trip to the doctor yesterday and they gave me calcium channel blockers, which may help. The truth is that it's a rare condition and no one really knows why they happen or what causes it and they only have half an idea of how to treat them. The medications don't help everyone and they're not even sure of how they do help. I feel hopeless right now. Like I don't want to go on anymore.
 

vickythecat

Senior member
Joined
Jan 5, 2017
Messages
364
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
01/2013
Country
EU
State
Earth
Of course you are not deserving any of the illnesses and pains you are going through. Please know that deep in your heart, no matter how often we tend to ask ourselves why me, what did I do, what did I do to deserve this etc. We did nothing. Or maybe we did and that was being very caring, loving, passionate. Many of us wanted to take the worries of the world and make them better....

I really hope the calcium channel blockers do work, please give them an honest try. Maybe combine them with other meds/supplements or therapies that are out there, while avoiding foods that might trigger it. I am no health expert of course, I am probably just repeating what you have been hearing for many years now, I'm sorry about that.

What helps me on my very bad days - mentally and physically - is to put the focus away from me. I will keep myself busy (usually trying to help others - in my case that is stray animals. I now have 5 very tiny kittens to take care of, a lot of work, but they are so wonderful) This could be anything for you. Gardening, being out there in nature, going to the movies, cooking, watching endless funny videos online. Just make sure you keep busy. It is also a great idea to go meet family members or friends if you have them. Also if you are in the mood for them. :)

Be strong, breathe in and out...life is beautiful despite the pain.
 

moe1959

Very helpful member
Joined
Sep 13, 2014
Messages
708
Reason
Undiagnosed
Diagnosis
09/2014
Country
US
State
wa.
This may be something well worth looking into further. Have you gotton a second opinion?
I totaly understand about wanting to give up. On the days that are so paralyzing, you feel so frustraited, besides the pain, I hope and pray you have loved ones that understand and can help you out.
Have you already seen an internist. ?
Look up referred pain.
 

Tipnatee N

Very helpful member
Joined
May 8, 2017
Messages
594
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
11/2012
Country
us
State
New york
When I was 8 I was suffering very bad from stomach ulcer which my doctor was described as some type of hyper acid gastro reflux's but being that young I didn't understand much I didn't grasped the horror of it cause I was already put in soft food diet till I was 12. I couldn't eat anything without throwing back up , the acid was burning my throat on the way up I Couldn't speak for months. I was already experiencing anemia so with stomach bouncing out of control I kept passing out on and off ended up on and off hospital stayed. When I was 14 I started throwing up blood. I have to keep drinking those white thick liquid stuff and dozen of medicines I lost count. That's when my mom starting to forced me to eat lots of turmeric along with my medicines. It help me so much cause before when they put in the string camera to see how many ulcer wounds I had in my stomach I had more than 106-108 sore open wounds . Then after turmeric treatments ( I hate to drink it so turning them in to the little balls using honey to keep them together was also help) I actually started to healed up my ulcer very fast after a year I was able to eat normal food again. But my stomach had reduced in size after healing, so till now I can only eat small amount of food each meal . I still get loads of acid reflux regardless so I still have to watch out what I eats along with over the counter medicines but I'm a 1000 times better than before. With fibro I found that can get extremely heartburn , short breathing , head spinning ( vertigo) nauseous , internally spasm , lost circulation, etc, and then it usually lead to hyperventilating and panic attack. That's when I truly wish I could just drop dead every time. Still I'm worry about people in my life who care for me. I can't just give up on them yet, cause if I did then I'll truly become the worse person ever. So I'll bite my tongue and live on. Life suck I know cause that's something we all here have in common. But live on take loads of guts ( no pun intended) sometime I'm counting any small bad things I've ever done in the passed ( even just hurting small bugs) just to find some deserving explanation. I find it oddly help. :oops: xoxo. Hope you can find some rest someways somehow.
 
Last edited:

Akshunhiro

Member
Joined
Jun 21, 2017
Messages
16
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
04/2012
Country
AU
State
NSW
Hi everyone again :) After 5 days of the pain and two visits to the GP, I finally caved in and went to the ER. Turns out, I was having a rather severe gallbladder attack, and two days ago, I had the surgery to have it removed laparascopically. There was a stone just under an inch in diameter blocking the bile duct. Unsure whether the spasms were happening too or the spasms were caused by the gallbladder problem or if it was just the gallbladder attacks. But I am recovering from surgery now. Apparently, problems with the gallbladder can take a huge toll on the body for a long time and so my quality of life may actually improve now that it is gone. We'll see after I have fully recovered. Right now, it's hard to tell :) thanks for listening, everyone :)
 

Akshunhiro

Member
Joined
Jun 21, 2017
Messages
16
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
04/2012
Country
AU
State
NSW
When I was 8 I was suffering very bad from stomach ulcer which my doctor was described as some type of hyper acid gastro reflux's but being that young I didn't understand much I didn't grasped the horror of it cause I was already put in soft food diet till I was 12. I couldn't eat anything without throwing back up , the acid was burning my throat on the way up I Couldn't speak for months. I was already experiencing anemia so with stomach bouncing out of control I kept passing out on and off ended up on and off hospital stayed. When I was 14 I started throwing up blood. I have to keep drinking those white thick liquid stuff and dozen of medicines I lost count. That's when my mom starting to forced me to eat lots of turmeric along with my medicines. It help me so much cause before when they put in the string camera to see how many ulcer wounds I had in my stomach I had more than 106-108 sore open wounds . Then after turmeric treatments ( I hate to drink it so turning them in to the little balls using honey to keep them together was also help) I actually started to healed up my ulcer very fast after a year I was able to eat normal food again. But my stomach had reduced in size after healing, so till now I can only eat small amount of food each meal . I still get loads of acid reflux regardless so I still have to watch out what I eats along with over the counter medicines but I'm a 1000 times better than before. With fibro I found that can get extremely heartburn , short breathing , head spinning ( vertigo) nauseous , internally spasm , lost circulation, etc, and then it usually lead to hyperventilating and panic attack. That's when I truly wish I could just drop dead every time. Still I'm worry about people in my life who care for me. I can't just give up on them yet, cause if I did then I'll truly become the worse person ever. So I'll bite my tongue and live on. Life suck I know cause that's something we all here have in common. But live on take loads of guts ( no pun intended) sometime I'm counting any small bad things I've ever done in the passed ( even just hurting small bugs) just to find some deserving explanation. I find it oddly help. :oops: xoxo. Hope you can find some rest someways somehow.
Oh sweetie 😞 I'm so sorry, love.
 

Tipnatee N

Very helpful member
Joined
May 8, 2017
Messages
594
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
11/2012
Country
us
State
New york
Hi everyone again :) After 5 days of the pain and two visits to the GP, I finally caved in and went to the ER. Turns out, I was having a rather severe gallbladder attack, and two days ago, I had the surgery to have it removed laparascopically. There was a stone just under an inch in diameter blocking the bile duct. Unsure whether the spasms were happening too or the spasms were caused by the gallbladder problem or if it was just the gallbladder attacks. But I am recovering from surgery now. Apparently, problems with the gallbladder can take a huge toll on the body for a long time and so my quality of life may actually improve now that it is gone. We'll see after I have fully recovered. Right now, it's hard to tell :) thanks for listening, everyone :)
I'm so happy for you to finally get some answer, fixed, and more relieved. It's definitely something to be celebrate. Xoxo hope you'll continue to gets even better relieve . Gets rest hope you'll be well soon .
 
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