All of a Sudden His Pain trumps Mine!

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cinderr

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Petty, I know but my husband is now suffering from hip pain, terrible hip pain, and may need his hips replaced. All of sudden, pain is a viable issue in our home! Even my grandson said, I know you have pain grandma but hips are really bad. Traitor! My hips are screaming at this very moment.
I have suffered for five blooming years! Husband comes home, eats, lies down on the floor (only place he can get comfortable), gets up goes to bed. There are no extras unless it is to play, carefully, with his best friend, our grandson.
I came out the other morning and there was a slice of bread on the floor; he couldn't bend to pick it up! I could? I guess because of course, I did.
I fell for him but when i shout out in pain in the night, I don't see much concern from either of them. Why does his pain take precedence over mine?
 

Trellum

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I know how you feel, I can totally relate to your post :( It's so unfair your husband doesn't seem to understand you're also in pain, I'm very sure you've talked about this with him, but he just won't listen, right? It's like talking to the wall, isn't it? It's the same with my actual boyfriend (soon to be ex boyfriend, I guess), because he just won't get the situation I'm in. It's all about him!

I know how frustrating it is. It's like dealing with pain wasn't hard enough, specially chronic pain. Just hang in there and keep being as strong as you are now :) I hope your family starts to realize you're also in pain, and yours isn't any lesser than your husband's. We're here for you, you can vent as much as you like!
 

cinderr

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Thank you for your response; I figured I was just being petty and childish. If I had my druthers, I would hope neither of us would suffer with this unrelenting pain. He's hurting, no doubt about that but nowpain is an issue.
Good luck with your situation. Until you've had real pain, you cannot begin to understand. I'm guessing your boyfriend doesn't have that to deal with. Good for him but gosh.....
 

mariposa

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Thank you for your response; I figured I was just being petty and childish. If I had my druthers, I would hope neither of us would suffer with this unrelenting pain. He's hurting, no doubt about that but nowpain is an issue.

I've learned that any feelings we have are valid... so they can't possibly be petty because they're real to us. (Wow, how profound for a Monday morning, eh?) :-o

But really, this is the place to talk about things like this... this section of the forum even has a title that says it's to moan, complain, and vent, so have at us!

To address your post, it's so frustrating when others ignore our issues until they have their own and then expect everyone around them to fall over their own feet rushing to help and commiserate. I don't know why it happens, but it does seem to be human nature a lot of times. I hope this situation gets better for you soon.
 

twiztc

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I think for most of us its taken as read we are in pain. We've been that way long enough its become part of the daily routine, not just for ourselves but those who live with us, i don't think that they don't want to sympathize its just become the norm unless you are have a particular bad day or something new comes to join the cacophony of noise that is our pain. Also we carry on, we continue to do the things we normally do, all be it a bit slower, we manage and say little about it. So I do think, sometimes, we have created the situations ourselves to some extent.
When generally healthy people get struck down with something painful its a shock to the system and its takes time for them to adjust, by then they are generally better till the next injury or mishap. So of course they swear and moan and complain constantly, we however have been accustomed to our lot and already know complaining doesn't help anymore coz what we got generally does not go away no matter how much we moan. only people like us can understand people like us, thats why i'm so glad we have this place to get things out of our system.
 

kmpisces

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It must be so hard to have two people in the house who suffer such pain. I am sure you and your husband worry about one another and then are also in pain. I hope that things will improve for your husband. That must be difficult for him (and you) knowing he could need both hips replaced. Did this come on suddenly or has he had problems for years?
 

KNH55

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Definitely not petty! It is totally understandable. I'm sure most of us have been there. Maybe he is used to you being in pain and doesn't realize what a constant burden it is. All I can suggest is that you two don't get really angry with each other over it because that causes more strain on the brain and body. I hope both you and your husband get better!
 

cinderr

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Thanks, it will work out fine--hopefully we can both handle our pain better in the future.
When we live with pain everyday, so do the people we live with, in a way! They hear every grunt, every groan, and I think in time, they come to ignore it. Not meanly but surely selfishly:) Getting out of bed is so painful and I groan and make quite a bit of noise---don't hide your pain--but not one person has ever even checked on me! If I heard my grandson or husband groaning like that, I would have to check, even if it happened everyday!
 

cinderr

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Me, too! I guess that's why I get so annoyed, now. Pain has become important in our family now becasue HE has it! I have been suffering for five blinking years!
On the other hand, how much attention do i want for this? I am one to lick my wounds in private and would not wish to have someone hovering.
 

Trellum

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Thank you for your response; I figured I was just being petty and childish. If I had my druthers, I would hope neither of us would suffer with this unrelenting pain. He's hurting, no doubt about that but nowpain is an issue.
Good luck with your situation. Until you've had real pain, you cannot begin to understand. I'm guessing your boyfriend doesn't have that to deal with. Good for him but gosh.....

I think your feelings are quite valid :) Don't be afraid to express yourself over here, that's what we are here for after all :) This place is a great one to take all the things you want off your chest! Talking about how frustrated you feel sometimes really helps! So far it has helped me lots! I wish you and your husband the best! Living with chronic pain is never easy! I know because I've been like that since I was a teen.
 

fibrogal

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I'm so sorry you're both going through this. I'm sorry you're in chronic pain, and that he's in acute pain. But, I totally understand how this rubs at you the wrong way; it would really bother me, too. I hate to say it, but so many men are babies about pain, and just don't have it in them to be sympathetic. Any men out there, please don't blast me, and obviously I'm not talking about every man. From my experience, it just seems to be very common.

Take care!
 

thupp06

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Men are such babies sometimes! :) Don't feel bad we all have been there with the "you don't know it is to hurt like this" and all that bologna they wanna throw out there! My hubby tries it to and I'm just like I deal with it all day long everyday but I still have 3 kids to raise and animals to care for and it all somehow manages to get done, I'm sure you will survive a little ache. He gets kinda frustrated but I just let it fly.
 

cinderr

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His hip pain went from zero to sixty practically overnight! Now they believe it was created from a screwed up back and we will know more on tuesday when he sees a spine guy. Oddly they now tell me I have stenosis in my back, as well. We have a vision that we can get injections and live happily ever after! Let it happen!
It is quite unfun to live with two aching old people probably, for our 17 year old grandson. He is a nice boy but not overly ambitious. He will bring up the groceries but rarely with a smile on his face (smiles are optional). He will take the trash out and on a good day, he will empty the dishwasher. Our pain doesn't seem to impact him much; rather self involved as teens are prone to be. But he is polite, can't beat that.
 

cinderr

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So today we are at the daughters and I am telling my SIL about my husbands new problems. People don't care. Then I say something with regard to mine and she says,"Oh, you're having problems too?"Well, just for five years. We go on vacation with these people! Why doesn't she know this? The conversation started as we said we couldn't go to Indiana this summer; neither could sustain the trip!
None of my three kids even know the name of the disease that holds me prisoner! My grandson does because I made A POINT TO TELLING HIM! Not shouting. I could ask this brilliant child the name and he will have forgotten--betcha! Well, I can't make anyone worry or care, if they don't.
 

cinderr

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Now they have discovered the hip pain is from his back! So in a couple of weeks he gets injections and hopefully will be all better! I will still be suffering and its unfair! Maybe he was struck with this bout of pain so he could see how I have been feeling for so long except he is no more concerned than he was! WAHHH! Just venting!
 
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