Am I a Terrible Person?

Status
Not open for further replies.

EmmaLVee

Active member
Joined
Apr 4, 2016
Messages
42
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
08/2015
Country
US
State
PA
So - goes without being said that I've had a lot of procedures, both under anesthesia and awake. They are not fun and I don't wish them on anyone...

The thing is - my sister is having a "female" procedure done, of course it's scary, of course no one wants to be in that scenario, but the DRAMA. And it's been eating at me because for so long - my being sick and feeling like shit has been either brushed off or looked down upon or...and just has never mattered enough.

So - my mom is sending her flowers and buying her things and I have NEVER been bought flowers after a procedure, or after I was diagnosed with a chronic illness or after I was told that I was "just strange" (a doctor told me that once) while I sobbed. But I have to sit and watch while she's coddled...I've always felt like I'm complaining, like I'm the annoying one and I just need to deal with it because this is my life - this is my body - this is what I have to deal with - but it kills me when something like this happens.

Can anyone relate?
 

diamond

Legendary member
Joined
Sep 18, 2015
Messages
1,548
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
01/2008
Country
UK
State
anywhere
Very much so. I haven't had procedures but there is one looming of the female variety. Its a big deal to me but absolutely anything i get...... fibro for the last 9 years.... before that bouts of chronic fatigue in my early 30's...it all gets brushed aside as 'It can't be that bad' or 'you haven't tried hard enough'.

My sibling who i love very much and there had never been any rivalry but if .......name.... gets a bad back or a bad cold or even toothache...it's oh dear ....name's....not ok......looked tired...or whatever.

I have been so unwell all these years but just get left too it.....and i was always the one who was so capable and everyone turned to and i willingly helped all the years i was healthy.

It hurts i know it does. There is no answer as to why this happens.

It seems because our illness is invisible and we feel it even when we seem to be acting fine people think we are exaggerating or complaining too much.

Have you read the post ten things people say by Forgetmenot? It might offer you some support that we all understand and empathize.


(Sorry but i didn't want to use a real Name or divulge he/she...i might pop my clogs with the fibro site logged on) Ha Ha
 

EmmaLVee

Active member
Joined
Apr 4, 2016
Messages
42
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
08/2015
Country
US
State
PA
Thanks for empathizing willow - I did see the Forgetmenot post, but I'll have to look it up again and save it somewhere, just so I don't forget.

Lately, I've just been sick of everything, particularly my own body.
 

diamond

Legendary member
Joined
Sep 18, 2015
Messages
1,548
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
01/2008
Country
UK
State
anywhere
I know i understand...if only we only had one thing wrong that can be fixed with an operation albeit that no one wishes surgery on anyone....but at least with a few weeks or months recovery most people then just get back to normal.

For us it's forever and unpredictable. You are def not a terrible person for feeling these human emotions. Vent as much as you need and then try and let go, because anger and resentment do you more harm.

I wish i could follow my own advice!!!
 

EmmaLVee

Active member
Joined
Apr 4, 2016
Messages
42
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
08/2015
Country
US
State
PA
You should try to follow it - it's very good advice...please vent as much as you need too as well.

And that's exactly how I feel, if only we had something that could be taken away like that ...

Thank you again.
 

Eyesup

Senior member
Joined
Dec 11, 2015
Messages
376
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
12/2015
Country
US
State
FL
You not only are not a bad person for feeling this way but you have every right to feel this way. Our ilness is not only invisable but the symptoms and complications are far too many. I think outsiders become exhaust by them and it's easy to turn their eyes and ears away, they don't see what we feel and don't want to hear about it. Listening would meen believing and for each their own reason they don't want too believe. It is easier to pretend it's not real. You have been slighted but not so much by the people that love you as by this overwhelming, invisable ilness. Couple that with the fact that you are probobly like most fibro suffers that have always been taken more then your fair share of hard knocks puting you on the "she'll get over it or she can handle it" list, people just keep expecting you to not "need" like others do.

I had my pcp about 12 years ago tell "you have to quit doing this to yourself and your family"!!!! I pointed out (threw tears I could not have caused my wbc and SED rate to elevate every three months for two years if I tried, he pointed to the door! Ouch. Some MDs don't deserve the air we breath.
No sweetie, shame on them not shame on you.
 
Last edited:

remnant

Senior member
Joined
Mar 11, 2016
Messages
209
Reason
Other
Diagnosis
00/0000
Country
KYA
State
Central
Eyesup, I really sympathise with your predicament. You have not elaborated on the specifics of the relationship with your mother that should cause her to be so biased. But I would take comfort in the fact that you should appreciate that you are not alone in this. You mirror my mother's predicament. It seems that bad things most of the time happen to good people. I have come to accommodate a simple truth in life. That I will never judge myself based of the idiosyncracies of others. Their insensitivity has everything to do with them and nothing to do with you. As long as you love yourself and God loves you, the feedback of others which might be convoluted ceases to be an issue. You have a life to live and challenges to handle. When you have a big star, expect to be fought. Forgive your mother and hold no bitterness since you can now see the big picture.
 

Forgetmenot

Legendary member
Joined
Oct 6, 2014
Messages
1,529
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
70/2010
Country
UK
State
Hertfordshire
Have u ever told your mother this.i might be wrong ,but I'm from the shcool of thought that it does not good holding it in.yes it might make things worse ,it might make them better . It might make u feel better, only you know your family so only you can make that choice .but letting it eat away at you means u are the on hurting not them.
 

Trellum

Legendary member
Joined
Jul 17, 2013
Messages
1,788
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
04/2011
Country
NL
State
NL
I totally relate... my pain is often brushed off, so much I no longer mention it or if I ever do I do it only once... only if the pain is bad, because I know I'll not get any sort of encouragement word from my mom, just the classic: ''That is what you get for not taking your meds'', ''you always feel bad'' or sometimes it's even worse because she starts complaining non stop as if saying her pain is worse than mine. Since when is this some sort of competence?

By the way, I son't think you are an awful person, you are just being human. Anyone would feel this way if they were in the same situation. It's very normal.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top