Am I being too easy or to hard on myself?

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LittleChef

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DX FIBRO
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Hi, I am 21 and have had fibromyalgia for a long time but only just got diagnosed. I am a full time college student studying culinary arts and work about 30 hours a week as a chef which is stressful involves long hours lots of standing and no breaks but food is my passion. I feel
like my pain is getting worse and I just want to give in an sleep all day and not fight through the exhaustion and pain. I am really sick of this and I know I have a long road ahead I just don't know if pushing myself this much is a good or bad idea. I don't want to admit to my family and my boyfriend about how worried I am and how I worried that I might not be able to keep up this pace. What should I do?
 

medicmurphy

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Don't know if you're being too hard on yourself except that you're carrying on living. What's the alternative? You're young. Have you sought treatment? If so, what medication?

The key to handling FMS is to strike a balance. Where do you think you can buy out the time for rest? It is good you have a passion that can hopefully drive you forward. I agree, food services is a very stressful career and stress is Fibro's mortal enemy. Your schedule looks hectic, however, may I suggest you find a way to maximize your sleep? This may involve robbing time from a social life until you complete your studies. An education and trade is very important in securing a paying job. Sadly, one of the hardest lessons those with FMS learn is when to say no along with the ability to follow through. It is the key to striking balance to maintain our health. I hope others on this forum can offer suggestions as well.
 

LittleChef

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I am taking serlan which was helping but not as much anymore. Thank you for your advice.
 

brsoucy

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Hello! I agreed with Medicmurphy, try to slow it down a little and change your schedule a bit so you have more rest time. If possibly, maybe work just 24 hours a week so that you have an extra hour every day to stay in bed longer. Confiding in your boyfriend and get what he thinks about it may be a good idea also. Get a different opinion. Maybe then he will see it and maybe try to help you in some more things so you can have more time to rest. Staying active is a good thing for you, but there is a point of too much.
 

medicmurphy

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Good points brsoucy. At some point we need to let our family and partners in on our struggles. Experts suggest to have a family meeting to explain more about our chronic condition along with how it's impacting our life. Until they know this information we can not expect them to fully support us. Meanwhile we give the impression that we are ticking along just fine. This creates even more pressure and stress for us. Sit down with your BF, have a heart to heart. Discuss what options are open to you and possible schedule changes that can be made. Include your parents in your struggles. They may have some suggestions to help as well. Consider going back to your Dr. for a follow up on your med. Doseage adjustments may be made or a medication change may make a difference for you.

Living with a chronic illness need not be a lone battle. Including your loved ones can be a valuable support system. Please remember you have this forum as well. Keep us posted
 

LittleChef

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Thanks guys. I have talked to my boyfriend and he is really going to try and help me make changes to make things easier. I think I'm just not managing to well at the moment I went out last nigh and end up getting really drunk just so I wouldn't feel any pain for the night which was a bad idea. I have taken the weekend off work and I am going to the doctor to see if increasing my medication is a good idea. I think I need to be more realistic about what I can and can't do but I also need to push myself to make changes to improve my condition.
 

medicmurphy

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Good for you! I applaud your strength. It is true that you need to be realistic in what you can and can not do which is what we all are learning with this condition. Fibro is dynamic, always in flux which makes it challenging to deal with. Learning the triggers are a beginning, along with achieving a balance in our lives. I look forward to hearing how you are doing and congratulations on confiding with your boyfriend.
 

Catamountgurl

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i feel that once you let yourself take care of you and not worry about everyone else it helps. I was lucky, i was diagnosed at 14 and my mom is a nurse so she and i together researched and learned my limitations. She helped me to find my limit. She helped make sure that i was getting enough sleep at night. I think i was the only highschooler that had an early bedtime which at the time i hated but looking back was great for me. as i transitioned to adulthood and doing everything on my own my mom helped me educate people around me. My classmates in college (and high school) all knew about my fibro and what it was and that if i said i couldn't do something then i just couldn't do it. As an adult i have learned that being upfront and honest about my fibro has helped me in the long term. I was able to get through college inculding an internship i was a teacher for a few years, i've worked at a restaurant with long hours on my feet and currently i'm an assistant manager at a major retailer. I am open with my boss and my staff. I don't want them to think i'm lazy when i ask them to do things that should be easy but i know i just cant do it that day. if i'm having a bad flare up that day i'm upfront about it with my staff and they help me out. they know that when i can i work my butt off so if i say i can't do it or that i need help there are no questions asked.
sometimes i have to just let things slide. i don't keep my house in spit spot shape. my house is messy and i just learn to live like that and my husband has had to adjust to that. if i tell him i'm feeling like crap that day he will usually order pizza or figure out something on his own for food. it has taken a lot of communication between us to get to this point.

something that might help you explain how you feel to family is something that you can search for online it's called "a letter to normals" just reading it yourself can help you learn how to explain how you feel to others. I found this when i was in high school and it helped me to put into words how i actually felt. i knew that i felt like crap but it was hard for me as a teenager to explain but that letter helped me learn how to verbalize my pain and struggles.

i hope this helps. i know its rambling but there was just so much i wanted to share about my experience that can hopefully help you. message anytime i'll be happy to listen and answer questions. I've had fibro for 19 years (diagnosed years) I try to keep as normal a life as i can so if you need anything please let me know
 

LittleChef

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DX FIBRO
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Thank you both of you. I read that letter and it really helped me to see how I can put how I'm feeling in words thank you for your advice.
 

sunkacola

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Just so you know, there are at least 6 "Letter To Normals" out there online. Some are better than others. I think it is therapeutic to some degree to write your own, whether or not you ever show it to anyone.
 
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