Best way to deal with a well meaning person who causes alot of additional stress?

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GloriaArmstrong

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Hi!
I'm new to this forum, and I have a question that I am hoping someone with experience in this can help me with!

I have a family member who I love very much, but they are constantly convinced that if I would just do things "their" way, I will be magically cured of my fibromyalgia problems... and they don't understand when it doesn't work, and keep trying to push me into all these different things they think are best, and I know they just want to help- I love them to death, but its causing me alot of extra stress and adding to my health problems and I wish they would just stop, even if they can't understand that there isn't a "cure" for something like this- least of all for me, who was diagnosed with a "genetic" version of fibromyalgia. My doctor told me that the problem was in my DNA, and that there wouldn't be any permanent fix/cure. Does anyone have experience with this, and how can I lovingly get them to quit trying to force me into whatever they think I should try?

Thank you to anyone who answers!! :)
 
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My mother did something similar for the first couple years. "eat this" "sleep this way" etc. At first I went along with it because it couldn't hurt to try but my fibro got worse and the "trying" was making it worse cause I had expend energy. Anyway, to answer your question, I dealt with it by just hammering her with "That doesn't work. "Yes, I tried it." for about a year. Hopefully your family member is less stubborn than my mom, or you find some other solution. People who love us want to "fix" us and can't always accept that it's not in their power, or our power, to make it stop. Perhaps saying "I know you want to help me but you can't and that's okay."
 

Forgetmenot

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Sometimes we just need to sit them down ,and tell them straight.tell them you no how much they love you,and how much you wish there plans would work,but they simply won't work.
Or if your happy to take them to your dr.ask your dr to explain why what there suggesting will not work.
Tell them your nerons send pain signals are all firing off at once.telling your body you are stiff or in pain.and that because of this your body is reacting as if you really was in pain.
And that no one has a way of telling your body it's wrong.explain this is like Parkinson's or ms.you simple can't make it better.or go away.
Your body is locked in a battle with itself.it don't make sence .it never will.but the one thing you can promise is it won't go away.
Your the only one who can find ways to make it bearable,and that takes a lot of time.
One more thing u can do is log in here and make them read the forum.xxxx
 

Marvis

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Maybe it would help if you tell her that every person with fibromyalgia is unique and has to try things carefully and slowly, step by step. That there are a million ideas out there, but that trying too many things at once can do harm. That you have a plan with your doctor (even if you don't ;) ) that you're following and, though you really appreciate the love behind the advice, you can't add anything to the plan. Even dietary changes and supplements can make symptoms worse for awhile, and if you're adding all kinds of things, you don't know what is helping and what is hindering.
 

sunkacola

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I think Marvis gave great advice, above. That is the best advice for that problem that I have ever heard, and I would do that myself if I had that issue. The only thing I would add is to let that person know that, although you know that they mean well and want to help, their constant pushing to get you to try this or that is actually adding to your stress, and therefore making things worse. Tell them that you know that's the last thing they want to do, but that is what is happening, and that if they really want to help they will simply visit you and talk about other things, go to a movie with you, or something else that takes your mind off your fibro for a few hours.
 

vickythecat

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agree with all the advice given here. Talking to that person and being honest with them will hopefully solve the issue.

I also have a similar person in my life, and whenever she starts to give me advice on my pains and aches, I basically try to change the subject. I also tell her 'not talking about my fibro helps me deal with it'. So if talking/explaining does not help, you could also choose to basically shut the person up (well, in a kind way, by changing the subject!)
 
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