Can't keep going on like this..

[hannah65]

The fibro is getting worse almost daily it seems. I no longer have so called "good" days, if I am lucky, they seem to be more like "good" moments. One moment may be tolerable but within a few minutes, I can't hardly walk. My quality of life is deteriorating rapidly. I am 48 years old, single parent, suffering through working full time and something has to give. I cannot function enough to get dinner going or get the house picked up etc. My daughter is the only one who truly understands what I am going through as she sees it everyday. I wake up and cry knowing all of the pain I am going to go through during the day. I cry when I get home from work from the agony and exhaustion I am in. I cry before I go to bed. I have gotten to the point that I know I am hurting myself more by putting myself through what I have been with working full time. I have so much stress there because of how I am getting treated because of my absences. I walk in there every day and wonder if it is the day I am going to get fired because of it. I was diagnosed with cancer last year and had major abdominal surgery for it. I am terrified of it coming back and I know all this stress I am putting my body under with work is not helping the situation. Just feeling so lost and depressed over everything right now.

 

[Chrispy93]

hi hannah65, i can relate 100%. (my mind is editing every sentence i try to type. i have so much to say but i dont want to say the wrong thing. i do want to send you a reply.) i dont know how you are doing it. you are stronger than you think. have you talked to your doctor receintly? you may feel better to go over your conserns or even just to document the additional pain and stress. counseling would certianly help. you could learn some stress management techniques, and it's a great place to vent. try not to worry about the what if's; the what if's can suck your energy dry. might i suggest making a list of everything on your mind causing you stress. are there things that you have no control over? things you can let go of? are there things you can pass off to another? can your family or friends help with household chores? when you find yourself in a depressed state i know it's hard to get out of it. allow yourself time to cry but then don't forget to fit in some laughter. i know, easier said than done. reading and/or responding to posts in this forum has helped me get through now and then.

 

[Tigressa]

Hi hannah, so sorry to hear how much you have to go through. It must take so much self-discipline to push through the day like you do. You should not have to do this though. There is help out there, that I'm sure you could benefit from. Whether it's your local social worker, a counselor, or a friend/family member, I would encourage you to reach out in order to seek solutions. To me it sounds like you desperately need 1. a break to give your body the chance to recover and 2. a permanent assistance in your day-to-day life. Please come back to this forum and keep us updated on how you are feeling. I wish you well.

 

[mariposa]

Aw Hannah, I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this! :sad:

Please remember that there is no shame in reaching out when you need help. I do realize that it seems so easy for people not feeling what you feel to start giving out advice, but it's good to know that there's an option. I'd mention it to my doc, how desperate each day feels, and maybe he or she knows a counselor who's been through chronic pain... or even has fibro. Seems it's worth a try, no?

I'm sure it's a comfort knowing that your daughter *does* understand even if she's the only one who does... I hope she's old enough to be able to have conversations about it that may help you deal a little better... at least some of the time.

 

[nascarmike]

Hang in there Hannah, and talk to someone to get yourself some help. Many of us are in same types of places in our lives. Need a break from the pain but who pays the bills if we don't work? Working with constant pain is draining and then house work on top of that, yeah right. Hannah do what you can and try not to sweat the stuff you can't control. Good luck.

 

[apike]

Hi Hannah, I know things are hard right now, but just remember that you can't let this get the best of you. You have every right to be scared about cancer coming back, so don't ever feel guilty about those feelings. Yes, it is very stressful worrying about that. I understand how you feel, just remember though, that you have your daughter and she loves you. Nascarmike is right. You can't worry about the things you cannot control. Focus on the things you can control and work on those. Most importantly, work on getting yourself out of pain. The first part is getting the stress off of you. Stress can make anyone unwell and I bet if you try to at least take away a little stress, you will feel a little better. Good luck and please keep everyone up to date on how you are feeling!

 

[Trellum]

I feel so sorry you are going thru this, Hannah. I can relate to you perfectly because I also know what is like to live in uncertainty. I know there aren't many things I can tell you to make you feel better, but you can rest assured knowing you are not alone.

I can only advice you to try to stay as calm as possible, I know it's easier to say than to do (I'm also trying to get the right diagnosis for a really nasty set of gastrointestinal symptoms - hoping I haven't cancer), but try to see it this way: worrying is completely useless and serves no purpose. Whenever I start feeling like I will worry about something I just tell myself: ''What's the point of that? things will either go well or bad no matter how much I worry or I don't.''. Right now I'm living one day at the time... I don't futurize anymore.

You need to start living in the present... only now! Don't worry about the cancer coming back, just get your check ups every year... and don't think much about it. Just live today and try to make the most out of it. I know pain makes things harder, but if I can do it... I'm sure you can do it as well!

Best of luck and hang in there!