Confusion, over thinking and memory issues

SSSS

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Joined
Aug 4, 2022
Messages
1
Hi everyone, this is my first post here.

I've been diagnosed with Fibro for the last 19 years and as I'm approaching my 40s, I'm finding that my concentration, memory and understanding is really suffering.

I don't take any medication as I have other health issues, I've experienced that meds for one things makes another thing much worse, so I just try to pace myself.

My main issues right now are overthinking when I'm being asked questions or tasked to do something. The fibro fog gets so dense that I don't fully understand or remember what I'm doing/hearing and I over think the simplest of instructions/questions, so I end up causing issues/doing something wrong/answering wrong repeatedly and have been for so many years. It looks like I'm not listening or caring, because although I'm listening the best I can and care very much, that's what I'm showing with my actions and behaviours.

I have a hard time slowing down my thoughts and thinking clearly. It's all a mixture of fibro, anxiety and dissociation. I'm causing my husband so much frustration and upset because he's been supporting me and helping me for years to try and help me listen better and learn from the mistakes and bad behaviours I keep repeating, but it's got to a point where he just feels ignored all the time and thinks I don't care because I show that I don't care by not listening and not changing my behaviors. And it's maddening because I care so much and I keep trying to change, but that's not what I'm showing because I keep repeating the same mistakes and behaviours. I understand that part of my issues are going to be to do with my personality, but these health issues on top just exaserbate the difficulties in trying to change in the way I think and behave, as well as make communication, concentration, learning and understanding so difficult in the first place.

There's only so much reminders and writing stuff down can do, when in the moment and I have to rely on my own realization, actions and behaviours, I'm failing more than succeeding...

I know this post is a little all over the place and I'm sorry for that, it's hard to write about what's happening and how it all feels and this is the best I can explain it right now. But if anyone has any advice, it would be greatly appreciated and thank you very much for reading this. All the best to you all.
 

JayCS

Legendary member
Forum Supporter
Joined
Sep 5, 2020
Messages
1,630
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
02/2020
Country
GE
Hi everyone, this is my first post here.
Hi, and a warm welcome!
I've been diagnosed with Fibro for the last 19 years and as I'm approaching my 40s, I'm finding that my concentration, memory and understanding is really suffering.
Yep, I can imagine and have often heard that recently.
I don't take any medication as I have other health issues, I've experienced that meds for one things makes another thing much worse, so I just try to pace myself.
Brilliant!
My main issues right now are overthinking when I'm being asked questions or tasked to do something. The fibro fog gets so dense that I don't fully understand or remember what I'm doing/hearing and I over think the simplest of instructions/questions, so I end up causing issues/doing something wrong/answering wrong repeatedly and have been for so many years. It looks like I'm not listening or caring, because although I'm listening the best I can and care very much, that's what I'm showing with my actions and behaviours.
I have a hard time slowing down my thoughts and thinking clearly. It's all a mixture of fibro, anxiety and dissociation. I'm causing my husband so much frustration and upset because he's been supporting me and helping me for years to try and help me listen better and learn from the mistakes and bad behaviours I keep repeating, but it's got to a point where he just feels ignored all the time and thinks I don't care because I show that I don't care by not listening and not changing my behaviors. And it's maddening because I care so much and I keep trying to change, but that's not what I'm showing because I keep repeating the same mistakes and behaviours. I understand that part of my issues are going to be to do with my personality, but these health issues on top just exaserbate the difficulties in trying to change in the way I think and behave, as well as make communication, concentration, learning and understanding so difficult in the first place.
There's only so much reminders and writing stuff down can do, when in the moment and I have to rely on my own realization, actions and behaviours, I'm failing more than succeeding...

I know this post is a little all over the place and I'm sorry for that,
Sorry 😼 to not agree at all!: I could immediately understand every single word and thought it was very well explained!
it's hard to write about what's happening and how it all feels and this is the best I can explain it right now.
I think fibro and similar puts all of us in the position to either struggle for the right words, explanations, descriptions of all our symptoms, and you've done a great job of it!
But if anyone has any advice, it would be greatly appreciated and thank you very much for reading this. All the best to you all.
I'm not sure if you really are "overthinking", as the way you've described it sounds as if you might be getting things confused. But this mingling of anxiety, dissociation and fibro fog seems complicated. Of course I hear you are working on the anxiety and dissociation. For fibro fog my first suggestion would be supps - are you taking any, are you interested? But for the unmingling I'm getting "mixed messages" - why wouldn't I, :ROFLMAO:, and am not sure if your husband could be reacting "differently" (better), if a sort of bad conscience and anxiety on your part as a result is making things worse etc.

If you like I'd invite you to describe a situation, typical or not - I think the unraveling is easier then. Also because maybe your impressions might be misleading you a bit, due to all this seeming muddle and we can then comfort, give new orientation and hints etc. better.
It's probably going to be some combination of "relaxed acceptance" for you and your husband on the one hand (including decreasing demands as part of your mental pacing) and quite a few techniques/strategies for coping with brain fog, anxiety etc. better.... - the main ones probably being 🛑 stop! - timeout, self-care etc. for your mind, same as your body will need it. You might care to have a look at our memes thread to do exactly that... 👐 :D
 

ChristaPeanut

Member
Joined
Apr 25, 2022
Messages
12
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
03/2022
Country
US
Hi and welcome! I just got diagnosed this year but I've had symptoms for four years. Last year, the brain fog really increased a lot. I thought it was because of pandemic/2020/ my mom dying etc...and it's not that all that stress didn't affect it...it was just I started to not be able to voice my own thoughts. Honestly the brain fog has been one of the hardest parts of this for me. Sometimes I have to have a half or full "quiet" day where I cant hear the tv or noise and I either sleep or read. My husband doesn't fully understand fibro, but he is a fully disabled veteran so I am lucky in the fact that he understands I need rest or just can't do things somedays. The struggling to say "No I can't do that" is hard but I am learning how to say it. I've also made sure that even when I have good days I take some me time for reading or writing or crossword puzzles, etc...I am bad at the crosswords some days but even if I can get a couple that helps me feel better in a weird way. I'm with Jay, I thought your post was well written and organized and it made total sense to me! But I do understand that messaging can totally drain your brain.

On a side note I have noticed that somedays that I have bad brain fog, I have to drop energy sucking tasks. Even like, rechecking a text message for typos, or maybe even not returning messages right away. And Sometimes I want to talk but it's like my body won't even let me do that. Once I accepted that (which sucked for me but I did it) its been at least a little easier to handle. I don't feel as bad about taking care of my own needs first. For me, that is what fibro has been teaching me a lot.

Gentle hugs!
 

sunkacola

Moderator
Forum Supporter
Joined
Dec 2, 2016
Messages
2,061
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
00/0000
Country
US
Hello SSSS

Have you sat down with your husband and explained all of this to him? Or, if that seems daunting, can you write down how it is with you, how hard you try, how much you care, and everything else you said in that post above? Or, even copy and paste the post itself and show it to him?

I think often others who cannot understand what we are experiencing find it very difficult to comprehend. They think, as your husband does, that if you just worked hard enough on it you would get better. In some cases and with some disorders that is definitely true. With others it is not, and nothing is across the board with that.

For some cases, trying really hard does only a minimum of good in terms of changing what you can handle or do. Ask him to think of a person who is paralyzed on one side, for instance. With very hard work it's possible for some to learn how to move a little, and most can learn ways to compensate for it, but no amount of work is going to change the fact that that side is paralyzed permanently. A person can only do their best. He needs to know you are doing the best you can.

Now, I also suggest that you turn your attention to yourself and find ways of not allowing your husband's frustration with you to dominate in your mind. You need to take care of yourself. Please read my advice post about that, and try some things to see if they might help you to feel better. And stay with us. We are here to help and to support you and make sure you don't feel alone.
Best of luck.

 
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