Hi there, I am brand, so very brand new and looking through posts, honestly nervous to start. Creative avoidance? Actually, paralysis by analysis...research in order to feel productive without ever actually doing something...go me!
Your story is a punch in the gut because it is an excellent representation of my own fear playing out. I know fibro is real and those who discredit its legitimacy really are being small minded at best, which is exceptionally disappointing if they are connected to you AND part of the health community. You know you feel pain. You know you were honest. You know you went into this looking for help. And yet...what if? Oh the perilously pernicious doubt constantly bubbling just beneath the surface. All it takes is someone else delivering a well placed blow to crack the shell :/
My fear is being ridiculed or discredited if I am diagnosed. I have been encouraged to look into it despite having played off my symptoms for years. I have always perceived Fibro as a legitimate diagnosis for everyone else, but surely not me. By that I mean, clearly I don't DESERVE to be diagnosed with an actual ailment. In my mind I am weak and my body is junk, the only thing wrong with me is that I cannot maturely cope with perfectly normal minor discomforts that everyone experiences daily with the dignified dismissal such inconsequential sensations actually warrant.
But worse than the pain.. what if it is true? What if this actually comes down to my inability to deal with something very normal. God how crushing that would be. It would mean that not only I am a weak, but that there is nothing to make it stop. Not knowing one way or the other means I can have hope, even if it is unfulfilled.
Having your mother react in such an oppositional manner must be compounding all pre-existing anxieties. I have nothing to offer except genuine care and concern as a total stranger. I can also offer the advice I am very clearly not following for myself, but that doesn't mean it isn't good advice...be kind to yourself and do not let someone else, no matter who they are, belittle you or give you doubt. Imagine your mother complexly and try to assume the best motives, even if they are nonsensical. Do that for yourself, not for her nor anyone else who expresses vehement skepticism.
Give yourself credit for having the courage to risk having an answer instead of hiding behind a nice hazy "who knows? maybe its nothing..." mentality.