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Tipnatee N

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DX FIBRO
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New york
Actually I laughed so hard in my head when my first doctor visted who dianosed me with fibro was telling me that he think I might need to see Psychiatrist , my responses in my head was " ya think? " :mrgreen:

Of course after that my spiralling major depressive disorder kicked in and in my head started to scream " waitta minute! I'm not a crazy person what did you mean seeing a psychiatrist?" :mad:
 
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Lubkos way

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DX FIBRO
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Wow!And I thought I suffered.You were,and are the bigger person!The jerk does not deserve you,and maybe it does not feel like it still,but you are better off without him.I have been betrayed too,by those who were supposed to protect me.It can feel like the pain will never end,but really things can get better.I still hurt after quite a few years,but I hurt less.And I think of those events,less and less.You deserve to allow yourself the chance to move on,by first,Knowing and Feeling that it was not your fault and there are better men,men with guts around.And if you pay attention,you can and will meet the right one.I wish I could offer a solution to your housing problem.I am sure it weighs heavily on your mind!
 

Tipnatee N

Very helpful member
Joined
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Messages
594
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DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
11/2012
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us
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New york
Actually I was quite shocked by the karma which took me by surprised . My exhusband had contracted harpist on his private right after he announced his affair and asked for my divorced , I was super lucky to had escaped it clean without any problem do to my early illnesses while hospitalized . Then later on i've found the perfect man who I owe every bits of my love for. Funny thing was that he was none other than my own divorced lawyer . It kinda felt like a totally cheap soap opera. I've got a good laugh at my life joke especially it happened because we both got drunk one night together and he said " hey we should date!" . Althought his claimed was that I indeed said yes! Sadly only to found out the next day that I was already far way too black out drunk to remember his super romantic proposal :shock: ( when I'm super drunk ,I alway maintain my autopilot mode) . But after clear out all the messive misunderstanding we have been stick together like glue on the mouse trap since.

Sadly after we started dating he tried so hard to help me through my massive hospital debts and lots of my doctors expenses , while taking care of me , we both went under in financail crisis do to his main employer went under bankruptcy . So between my funding and my loans were completely dried along with unable to establish my disability we lost our home ( again) . I'm staying with his mom in CT at the moment and he staying with his friend in NYC working trying to get both of our life back while trying to catch up paying the IRS massive unreasonable debts that he have to shoulder on. Life still go on as usual . It just get messy and messier with fibro involve.
 

Lubkos way

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Messages
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DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
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How wonderful,you found a man with guts,I am happy for you and wish you luck!You are right,karma is a *****,and didn't he know(your ex) that the internet has viruses hahaha!!
 

diamond

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i like your humour Lubkos way...so funny:)
 

diamond

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Messages
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DX FIBRO
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So many of us seem to have not been given support and kindness in relationships from those we open up to and love and trust the most even with our own little demons....yet im sure we are generally the people that offer exactly what is needed when our friends and loved ones hit hard times.

Funny they never seem to return the favour. I have never been afraid to show any vulnerability to those closest to me as i would see it as an honour and privilege if someone confided in me..lol it comes as a shock to later discover people don't feel its an honour they see it as annoying and just want an easy life with no hassles.

It's much harder to bounce back from rejection once you have an illness like fibro....for some reason as a woman who used to be fiercely independant i now feel i want my partner to be protective and caring above all else.

The stats say that 75% of relationships where one person has a chronic illness like Fibro/CFS/ME break down...lol and guess which way round is the larger percentage by far...yep if the woman gets sick!

Men are not always natural care givers...they love you like crazy when you are the loving caring supportive successful trophy wife/GF....but get unwell and im sure most do their best but in my experience sadly tolerance is limited.

It always touches my heart when i read stories or see documentaries where a man loves his woman sooo much she is his absolute priority if she gets poorly and he stands by her through thick and thin...im so full of admiration as to me thats what relationships are about...enjoy all the good times but be there if bad happens....there's nothing like the person you love saying it will be ok or making it clear they love you the same regardless.

That goes for family too.....it only takes small gestures to show love.....kind words being the most important..i dont mean sympathy either...just not critiscm and blame.

I truly believe if many of us fibro sufferers had some of this at the beginning of our journey with fibro we may not have got worse...for me I am 100% sure the progression of my illness to severe has been through being overloaded with more pressure and lack of compassion than i could handle on top of handling this disease which is mentally pretty much a full time job going on in the background......when i needed to adjust my life to calm and quiet and others to recognise i was doing my best at all times...often for them as much as myself.
 
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Tipnatee N

Very helpful member
Joined
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Messages
594
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DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
11/2012
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I agree Diamond, I coundn't help but wonder... could it be the abandonment issue that's what we're having?

I mean. I'm more fearful of being rejected so sometime I ended up trying to doing the rejection first. Yet even an independent mind as I am and was, I'm now scaring of standing alone in this world.

It's not that I cound't grasp the concept of betrayal. In fact I was actually more expected it to happen very often in any human society. But what I didn't realized was the dissapointed in my own "unconditional expectations" . That still haunting me like a plaque. How stupid ( or possibly selfish) of me to ever put any unconditional expectation on anyone? It's not how this world work, does it? I know that I can't just not trusting anything or anyone cause that would be too inconvenient way for anyone to live. But in mine mind there's no such thing as unconditional expectation in both logical and biological sense. Even self-scarifier still in the realm of their own personal justification , or their logical strong choice of conviction. Even between blood is still involving their strong sense of duty , with or even without love.

But why do I get so hang up on it?

What do we really need?
 
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Lubkos way

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Messages
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DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
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Can
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I spent several minutes wondering about your thoughts on how it is often perceived,that men are not able to show a caregiver attitude,when their significant other has serious issues with their health.I am in semi-agreement with you,and I will tell you why.When a boy is growing up,many of them are pandered to by their Mothers and they never learn what empathy means.When they leave the house they grew up in,all they know is being taken care of!!An extreme example is Italian males and mid eastern males.The fact is my mom had MS,and I spent my childhood taking care of her and by the time I was twelve,she was in a wheelchair.I spent my childhood being a caregiver and you are just bitter because you got a man with no guts.My father was such of a so called man,when the going gets tough you find out WHO really loves you.The seeds of integrity are sown before puberty!I truly hope that you and I will both get over betrayal.I too have been left by someone who pretended to be there no matter what!But,I still believe that I will find the one that wants to be with me till my last breath on this crumby planet!
 

Tipnatee N

Very helpful member
Joined
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Messages
594
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DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
11/2012
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us
State
New york
:cry: Your last few words left me in tears Lubkos way . Cause as my expectation getting lower each year. I started to doubt more and more not just men but most people in general. I guess when I was betrayed by another woman , it's easier for me to accepted. I guess because since I'm a woman I can wrap my mind around another woman's logic much better than men? Even as great as my bf is now , I'm exhasted everyday wonder when will this be the last and for how long?
 

Lubkos way

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Messages
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DX FIBRO
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State
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I truly understand both of your worries!The fact is,now more than ever before,many people are obsessed with having the perfect life.They go online and have such a fine time pretending they will find the perfect match for life.They are fools,because a perfect life does not exist!Once you understand that one fact of life,you have a chance to find the closest thing to true happiness, which is needing to be close to each other,and to love and be loved.Period!
 

Tipnatee N

Very helpful member
Joined
May 8, 2017
Messages
594
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
11/2012
Country
us
State
New york
I truly understand both of your worries!The fact is,now more than ever before,many people are obsessed with having the perfect life.They go online and have such a fine time pretending they will find the perfect match for life.They are fools,because a perfect life does not exist!Once you understand that one fact of life,you have a chance to find the closest thing to true happiness, which is needing to be close to each other,and to love and be loved.Period!
Funny you said that, during my heartbroken period I tried eharmony and other dating site just to reach out for comfort at my lowest of time, only to be left terrify of the so call catfish situation. I could see the deception from a mile away.

Actually with my bf now, I shamefully admit. I was desparated in every way possible sense when I agree to date him eventhough we are very compatible and I do like him personally. However it took me a while to accept my own desperation decision and guilt . It also took me years to slowly growing in to love that I felt I didnt deserved . Yet as I said " lower expectation" is what I tried to live by now. But it's hard to get rid of fear, fear of being left behind . I felt like a pet in the jar. I know it's sound terrible cause i should be happy now that at least i've got someone. But with fibro as the glass cage I just want to break the psychological aspect of it.
 
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Lubkos way

Distinguished member
Joined
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Messages
123
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
03/2002
Country
Can
State
Quebec
I too have attempted to find someone online and to be honest,which I always am(ask my mother haha!),has been less than a good experience.I can not believe how many scammers and bad liars are trolling!I would rather be alone and lonely,than with someone I don't trust!It is true when you go looking to find someone special,all you find is trouble.Why is that?
 

Tipnatee N

Very helpful member
Joined
May 8, 2017
Messages
594
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
11/2012
Country
us
State
New york
Wrong place? :shock:

Kinda feel like when I lost something, if I try to look for it I'll never find it. But if I stop looking for it then it's right under my nose or worse just in front of me.

Oh god... so many fake profiles online. So many insane crazy stories.
 

diamond

Legendary member
Joined
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Messages
1,547
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DX FIBRO
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anywhere
I think if you are best friends as well as being in love you have the best chance of a life together being successful...you need to like the person a lot..enjoy their company .....my parents while not perfect gave me the example you stick by each other through thick and thin

Hats off to you Lubkos way for being such a kind care giver to your mother. Its also really good to have a mans perspective on this forum as we don't get many men contributing.

Sorry if i come across as bitter...lol i think that's the fibro pain talking not really me....if that makes sense.
 
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Tipnatee N

Very helpful member
Joined
May 8, 2017
Messages
594
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
11/2012
Country
us
State
New york
Maybe there should be a Fibro dating site ( meet fibro or fibro meet) I wonder if that would work? :cool:

Or would it be a disaster? :!:

I believe in that too Diamond. My exhusband also was my best friend , and so as my bf now cause we were friend for over a decade before I was even divorced. We used to work on the same street block in manhattan. Long term lunch time buddy to be exact. Seen too many flaws of each other and I've never held the longest conversation about stupid weather or talk about horrible seasonal allergies situation for hours like it was the most interesting in the world with anyone before either . Guess I'm also goes for the friend type. And a bunch of weirdos.
 
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