Tipnatee N
Very helpful member
- Joined
- May 8, 2017
- Messages
- 594
- Reason
- DX FIBRO
- Diagnosis
- 11/2012
- Country
- US
- State
- NY
Why does fibromyalgia make me feel so old? I mean not just in the physical sense but more like mentally sense. I want to stay young since I'm pushing 40, but I can't get excited with anything politics anymore , I feels tired and annoyed watching people go on and about every thing so negatively that they don't even know half of what they were talking about, it's very sad yet I have to listen to them go on and on cause it making them feels good about them self, I do want to help them do so but my brain just kept thinking about a 1000 way to kill my self with.
When my mother passed away from non-smoking lung cancer that she fought hard for 5 years after diagnosed with stage 4 . ( her pictures on the left on my Avatar) And because of all the anti cigarette campaign video of all the people who coughing dying with lung cancer And many other nasty deceases were deemed as they're all Deserving To Die messages. Lots of people thought my mother was a closet smoker. And everytime I've been asked about it I felt like I have to defending her honor by explaning how she have alway been a big time anti-smoking person all her life ever since she was young. And it's the Non-smoker type cancer. As her doctor confirmed over and over that non-smoker are the very aggressive type of cancer that spread very quickly from lung to bones and brain , and harder to kill completely with chemo cause it's always comes back and faster than before. I guess I just had enough explaining and defending. I felt angry and pain by those anti smoking adds so much , it felt like my heart were crushed , and I can't breath everytime they played the old person suffering and dying alone in their bed with no one , or with someone who doesn't want to take care of them by their side, as if they aren't human being but more like disgusting trash, so bad that at one point when the commercial add coming on I started to smoking my self out of spite, although not that I would continuing after much of course.
I feel sadness depress and then I feels old. I'm thinking of life and death very often. My brain starting to get useless do to fibro fog. I lost the excitement of living, and more like how should I prepare for the worst of tomorrow. I used to be a possitive person , still am , but not as much or as often as I once was.
When my mother passed away from non-smoking lung cancer that she fought hard for 5 years after diagnosed with stage 4 . ( her pictures on the left on my Avatar) And because of all the anti cigarette campaign video of all the people who coughing dying with lung cancer And many other nasty deceases were deemed as they're all Deserving To Die messages. Lots of people thought my mother was a closet smoker. And everytime I've been asked about it I felt like I have to defending her honor by explaning how she have alway been a big time anti-smoking person all her life ever since she was young. And it's the Non-smoker type cancer. As her doctor confirmed over and over that non-smoker are the very aggressive type of cancer that spread very quickly from lung to bones and brain , and harder to kill completely with chemo cause it's always comes back and faster than before. I guess I just had enough explaining and defending. I felt angry and pain by those anti smoking adds so much , it felt like my heart were crushed , and I can't breath everytime they played the old person suffering and dying alone in their bed with no one , or with someone who doesn't want to take care of them by their side, as if they aren't human being but more like disgusting trash, so bad that at one point when the commercial add coming on I started to smoking my self out of spite, although not that I would continuing after much of course.
I feel sadness depress and then I feels old. I'm thinking of life and death very often. My brain starting to get useless do to fibro fog. I lost the excitement of living, and more like how should I prepare for the worst of tomorrow. I used to be a possitive person , still am , but not as much or as often as I once was.