- Dec 2, 2016
- DX FIBRO
The challenge with a forum like this one is that it is so remote from the actual people. We have no way of knowing a person but by what they write. A person comes here and writes a sentence or two or a paragraph about how they feel or how they are coping or not coping. And of course, a response is necessary or the person will feel (and actually be) ignored.This forum can be an amazing place of support but can also at times feel like a lot of unsolicited advice, as though you are a broken toy to be fixed. Again i truly believe the advice given comes from a place of caring and that shared struggle we all live with.
So, you have to decide: are you going to offer advice or are you only going to sympathize/empathize? Doing either one may not be what that person is asking for or wanting. If you offer advice you may be told "I'm not broken and don't need to be fixed", or if you only offer empathy you may get "Gee, I need advice!". But we have to offer something.
My way tends to be (or so I hope and intend) that I do both. I say to the person that they are not alone, that many of us understand, and then I offer advice. It's the best we can do.
Also, we can only offer the best advice we have. Many of us agree that trying more natural methods of dealing with fibro first or in conjunction with medication is a wise approach, because if you rely only on medication you may be missing out on being able to decrease your need for the meds by doing other things. For many people, medication is given by a doctor and that's that. They have no idea there's anything they can do themselves. that's how it was for me at first. But I found out that it's more productive to simultaneously try dietary changes, exercise, and other things like supplements and activities that can reduce the need for the meds.
To fail to mention that would be a disservice to the new members who come seeking information.
Rhyl received very supportive replies, and none of them were critical. None indicated that they were not doing enough. But most of us have been very active people pre-fibro, and we all can tend to go down the path of self recriminations, not feeling we are doing enough, because we aren't doing nearly what we used to. And this is greatly exacerbated if there is even one individual in that person's like who thinks or expresses that opinion to them as well. This is a downward spiral that I'd bet most of us have experienced. When that happens, it's easy to take most anything in a negative way, even if it wouldn't be read that way otherwise.
We all have to be mindful with what we say to each other. But in my experience this is the most supportive and non-critical, non-judgmental forum you will find. And, I invite all of you to tell me, as moderator, if you ever think something I write is harmful in any way. I am always open to hearing feedback on my posts.