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treshayc

New member
Joined
Jul 2, 2015
Messages
5
Reason
Undiagnosed
Diagnosis
00/0000
Country
NC
State
NC
I just need to vent somewhere where others actually understand what I'm going through. I've always been a hard working and over-achiever. I look back and see that there was a time when I was a wonderful mother. We baked together, cooked food from scratch, looked forward to preparing meals for the family and kept my house in order (not always clutter free but it was clean).

It's like a night and day difference now. I can't even carry a load of laundry down to the laundry room because my hands hurt so much. I've made an arrangement with my husband that if he does the laundry and carries the clean baskets up to me, I will fold and put away. Can you believe that folding and putting away laundry takes everything I have. I'm so sick of this!

I rarely cook dinner anymore - I was going to make a ham the other night and my husband had to take over because I just couldn't lift the dish with the ham in it to put it into the oven. He has to do everything for me these days! I plan to bring my kids to a doctor appointment and most of the time he ends up taking them because I'm so exhausted by the end of the day.

My youngest daughter is 8 and recently started complaining about having pain all over her body. She tends to complain about whatever area is bothering me at the time. It's breaking my heart because I think she's feeling like she has to be in pain to get noticed.

So I have pain all over, recently learned from an MRI that I have arthritis and bulging discs in my neck which is adding to the fibro pain. I think the plan there is to do steroid injections which scares the heck out of me.

And I know I'm not really making any sense, I'm just venting anything that comes to mind. I should create a word document and just start listing my issues so I feel like I have a place to vent where no one will get sick of listening to me complain.

And if you made it all the way through this novel of a post - thank you :)
 

1sweed

Moderator
Joined
Feb 4, 2013
Messages
1,956
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
01/1995
Country
US
State
PA
Sorry to hear what you are going through and I once was that hard worker as well. I think many of us on this site can take claim to being hard working over-achievers that one day just had to stop. Now we all had to learn not to be perfect and to pace our selves in order to get things done. Housework and laundry, shopping and kids, and work. Everything at a much slower pace and what does not get done today will be waiting tomorrow or the next day.

I hear your pain and understand about your little one. Stop worrying about grown up stuff and do things with her. Let her help taking a bigger leading role in making meals. She can do the parts you can't do and this will up her self confidence. Play games and watch funny movies. Laughter can have a healing effect. Or just sit around having girl chats.

For you try bubble baths and reading books, cuddling under a blanket fresh out of the dryer. Go slow and try to fight being depressed. Come here and vent, but also make lots of new friends who will help you carry on. We all are here to help. :)
 

Forgetmenot

Legendary member
Joined
Oct 6, 2014
Messages
1,529
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
70/2010
Country
UK
State
Hertfordshire
While I can't every say I was a high flyer.i can say anyone who's a parent works bloody hard.
It's a nightmare u just can't wake up from.but at least here we do understand what your going through x
 

Nexi

Active member
Joined
Dec 1, 2015
Messages
90
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
03/2002
Country
CA
State
Northwest Territories
Hey Treshayc...I literally feel your pain physically, mentally and emotionally. All of us can. I too went through the guilt that comes with the inability to do what we used to be able to...especially when it comes to the children. When my 5 kids were little and fibro hit me I went into severe depression just because of the helplessness and the inability to do as I used to in all avenues of life. I really figured my kids were being neglected even though my husband and family members helped me out, I felt that I would mess them up for life. Now my youngest just turned 21 and I just flared up again to the point that I can only work between 3 to 5 hours at my job which has been modified so it is super low key. I cannot do any housework including laundry, I am currently using all my energy just to work. In conversation with my kids about how guilty I felt, and still do, about how much I couldn't do when they were little I learned to my utter surprise the children never saw it in a bad light. They only remembered the good times, especially since I wasn't so busy in their eyes...I was able to listen to their stories, concerns and plans they were so excited to share with me daily. They remember the cuddling in bed watching movies...they truly thought I was making this time for them. By the time I finished hearing all the kids were telling me, I was in tears...I had beaten myself up so much throughout the years and for what?

I did and still try not to voice my discomfort from the fibro only because I can't make it change so why voice it, it just seems to make others more anxious. Now, that is how I feel but I know everyone handles pain differently, so please don't think I am judging you or anyone else. To each their own. My kids did make the comment that they never heard me really complain or mention my pain...I am sure I did at times because even now I cannot help but let out a moan or yelp. I mention this only because I am not sure if this is why my kids cannot remember it being so bad. Regardless, kids are resilient and just plain happy when you cuddle, listen and spend time with them.

As for the chores, you are doing just fine if all you can do is fold and put away laundry, give yourself a pat on the back (very lightly) because you deserve it for working through the amount of pain and energy just to do it! And my dear you can always vent here we all need to from time to time. Sorry if I rambled on, I tend to when I am sleep deprived. Sending lots of hugs your way!
 

diamond

Legendary member
Joined
Sep 18, 2015
Messages
1,548
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
01/2008
Country
UK
State
anywhere
i can't type much today ..i know the energy and pain so well...just want to add i wholeheartedly agree with all the above..you are amazing to carry on doing what you can do...dont beat yourself this is one heck of an illness.

With your daughter love her..watch movies read cuddle up show enthusiasm and encouragement for all her interests and be there when she has worries which i am sure you do already and she will be fine and know how much she is loved..thats all they want really love security and someone always in their corner through growing up.

Take Care x
 

Eyesup

Senior member
Joined
Dec 11, 2015
Messages
376
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
12/2015
Country
US
State
FL
Before I was diagnosed I thought I would go out of my mind. I learned the hard way not to insist I lift the hot, (pobobly not so heavy) pan out of/off of the oven. The guilt is enormous and even worse is feeling like a burden. Your daughter may actually feel your pain. I know it sounds crazy, but in some way it might be how she deals with knowing your in pain, it may actually help her cope emotionally with the situation. In days when it really gets me down I remind myself (over and over) that every day is a new day a cure could be just around the corner. My mother died in 1973 from breast cancer, she fought it for two years. Now days she would have been a survivor, but they didn't have the cure back then. Two years ago my little sister was diagnose stage 3 triple negative. Today she is cancer free. 10 years ago. Probably not. Don't give up. You have plenty to contribute. And tomorrow could be the day! Blessing and hugs
 

Trellum

Legendary member
Joined
Jul 17, 2013
Messages
1,788
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
04/2011
Country
NL
State
NL
So sorry to hear you are feeling this way, I sometimes feel that way as well. What helps me feel better when I feel this way is think about the positive things in my life and in me as a person. That helps a little, there is something bothering me right now actually... I'll have to go to see the doctor again, but I am so afraid the big C will be mentioned...
 
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