Fibro affecting my marriage

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New member
Jun 6, 2018
I don't even know how to start this. I'm waiting for formal diagnosis of fibro bit go and consultant both believe I have it. I've come to accept my limitations over the last 5 years. My husband cannot. We row constantly about sex. He wants it, I'm either phsically sore, fatigued or both. It has been an ongoing issue for about 5yrs since I had our daughter. At this stage I feel emotionally detached from him. If I suggest postponing sex for a night he huffs and continues to huff until we have sex. I've always relented. This last 2 months I've had severe pain every day. We haven't been intimate as I've been too sore or he huffs and it's a visciouse cycle. I haven't the energy for this on top of being a mum, maintaining job and fibro. I just needed to vent. Exasperated and worn out.
I think every one of us on here could say that our partners have struggled to cope with our fibro. It’s so difficult for them to understand & really frustrating a lot of the time. My husband struggled for a long time to the point that we almost separated after 22 years together & being married for 19 years. He still has his moments where I can see he’s annoyed or frustrated but we have definitely come through the worst of it. I know it’s hard but try & be a wee bit patient, maybe try saying that you still want to have some closeness cuddling in bed etc & that you might be feeling up for a bit more soon. Be firm though & don’t give in when you’re really not feeling up to it, you’ll only end up feeling more exhausted & sore in the long run. It would also be worth pointing your husband in the right direction for some information on fibro. I hope things start to improve for you soon.
My marriage is always strained from the Fibro. My wife just doesn't understand what its like. I can see the other side of it too. Some times she touches me and I just can't handle the extra stimuli of her hand on my arm or leg. I'm in so much pain and it takes everything Ive got to endure the pain that something as simple as a hand on my arm is just too much and its painful. So then I tell her that and then shes hurt and thinks I don't want her to touch me ever. The next day I might be able to handle it but you never know when and she has to "walk on eggshells" around me she says. Like I have control over it or something. I'm sorry I don't have a better solution but at least I can tell you you're definitely not alone. Hang in there and try to get him to understand more about Fibro.

I’m so sad to hear you are having marriage problems due to fibro/chronic pain. It is very hard for your spouse to understand. I was diagnosed almost 10 years now and while I am better able to cope with the pain, my relationship has suffered. I do go to therapy and I think that helps. Also, sad to say but my Bf has chronic pain now due to stenosis and gets it. But in a note of irony he does say I don’t nserstand his pain! Go figure! Hang in there.
I'm so glad to know it's not just me! My partner hasn't really been speaking to me for 3 weeks now and all because of sex, to put it bluntly. There's so much going on I don't have the energy to suggest we talk about it. I'm going on as normal as much as possible. We have a five yr old too. This too shall pass!
PS...I got my formal diagnosis in August. Relief
It’s devastating when you get your formal diagnosis but a relief at the same time when you know there’s actually a reason for the hell you’re going through and it’s not in your head like you’ve started to believe.

Sorry your husband is being like that just now, I hope you both turn a corner soon. How long have you been married for? Have you ever read the fibro story online? It’s a great piece of writing and really explains a lot of what we’re going through, it would be good for your husband to read and try and gain a little bit of understanding about a life with fibro.
I've been diagnosed for about 3 years now. It was a relief to finally find a Dr that would speak the word fibromyalgia and not tell me it was nothing. I went to Mayo. Great place! They have a clinic special for it. And training of how to manage it. But that still doesn't train all your friends and family about it. I've had trouble finding a relationship as every one wants to "go do things on weekends!" But I need to rest and build strength back up so I can function at my highly physical job during the week so I can pay my bills and have health insurance for all the Dr visits. Nobody wants to just come spend time with me at my home. So they go out and do things without me. Having someone in your life that understands and has the patients to know you need rest is pretty tough to come by. I hope your husband can find the time to learn more about it and understand you don't know from one day to the next or morning to night how you will feel. It's a struggle. Gets pretty lonely wish someone understood.
I truly understand what you are going though. I been a freight broker for about 15 years now so my job consist of sitting in front of a computer all day long. I have good days and bad ones but the majority is constant pain. My wife and I barely have sex and our relationship is not looking that great. She thinks I'm not attracted to her anymore but what she doesn't understand is that fibro is literally destroying my life and it has nothing to do with her. I started searching for something to do in the morning before I start work to at least make my day semi pleasant. I researched Stretching, yoga, tai chi, anything that can help! I stumbled on to an article that was very helpful and I been using their technique for a couple of months now. Good luck on your journey!
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