Fibro worse after diagnosed?

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Shallenb

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My husband was diagnosed with fibromyalgia several months ago. He was working back then and in pain and had depression and anxiety problems. However, when the dr diagnosed him he seemed to overnight get much worse. I don't really understand what happened if it was just a release and he felt like he could talk about it openly now or what. I was hoping several of you could relate or share what it was like when you were diagnosed and the changes you and your significant other went through.
 

Bennyboy72582

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DX FIBRO
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Hi everyone I am her husband. My wife Shallen wanted to come on here as well and talk about our problems. I hope you all don't mind us posting on the same board?
 
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Hi Shallenb! Hi, Benny. I for one certainly welcome you here. But I am new here myself.

Yeah, I just read something Benny posted in another thread, as well as what you said, and it sounds like how my ex partner was when he was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritus. He was in a job that required heavy lifting and manual work, and he unfortunately messed up his shoulder while at work by carrying a big bag of meat over it. He seemed ok, other than the shoulder, and I told him to see the doctor and take a sick day off work. The doctor did some tests and stuff and they came back that his shoulder was injured, but he also had mechanical back problems, wear and tear. More diagnosis came through very quickly that he had some Rheumatoid Arthritus in his finger joints and hips, and also Reynards Disease causing his circulation to be poor.

It all seemed to happen so very quickly, and it was a bit of a shock. He went into a depression and he kept making out that things were much worse than they actually are, because his state of mind would not let him see otherwise. He never really came out of that mind set either, and there was nothing I could do to help him because he refused my help.

(I know it is something I shouldn't really talk about on these forums, but I've never been 100% sure how much of it was the actual problems and depression, and how much of it was him making me feel worse, because he was abusive to me throughout that relationship and I discovered that he had indeed been lying to me about some of his physical issues. He would pull the card of "How dare I" ask him to do a little bit of housework now and then, or come to the shop with me when he felt up for it - getting taxis each way, or even just go out for a cup of coffee with me to get out of the house from time to time. But when it came to football on saturday or meeting his friends in the pub, that was never an issue.)

But I can relate to the sudden drop and the speed of how quickly it all seems to go from everything is normal to everything is not the same at all. It can be hard to relate to your loved one sometimes, because you have seen him as he was for so long, and suddenly that all changed.

Perhaps just sit down and talk to each other. Communication is vital in any relationship, regardless of how long you have been together or how well you think you know them. If it helps, maybe write out a letter to eachother, for the other to read and then sit down and discuss the issues that have been raised. It can be very difficult for someone who has little understanding of what chronic pain is really like, and depression can really fog things up and muddy waters if not discussed and tackled.

I personally think the depression is more at play here than the actual illness (for the relationship issues, I mean) and for the sufferer it can make everything feel 100 times worse, and for the partner it can feel like they are hitting their head off a brick wall. Just go through things slowly. It is important to remember that with depression and with pain, it really is like tackling each day at a time, and sometimes even each hour at a time. Remember to slow things down if he feels things are too overwhelming. And talk! When you are both calm and have nothing else that needs doing right that moment, try the letter idea, or just sit down next to eachother and talk things through slowly, tackling one issue at a time.

My current partner and I are lucky in that we knew eachother online for a long time before we got together, and already knew and were prepared for what personal issues we each had and may come down the road. We know how to talk and we know how to leave each other be if needed. We know how to be there for eachother. The pain and fatigue, the previous abusive relationship, the battle with depression over my life, I had touched on all these things previously before we even met. Same as she had confided in me with her demons and issues. We know what daily life is like for eachother, and yet we still got together knowing all these things, and knowing that my physical health was going to get worse as time goes on. I think that is what makes us so strong. We can talk about anything we need to, even if it is just needing to have someone there to laugh at YouTube videos with! Lol! We not not just together, but we are also best friends. It is lovely! And I truly consider myself lucky for having such a person to share my life with.

But I also understand the opposite end of the spectrum too. Having someone you love take advantage of you. Feeding off you. I don't at all believe that is what is going on with you two, but I do know that it can be incredibally hard to tap into a loved one sometimes. Where a penny for their thoughts need to be increased to £100 + your sanity for their thoughts. Communication is vital.
 

cmetryme

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Welcome Benny and Shellenb!
WOW is so right. Talk talk talk.

Stay infomed. Plan each doctor vist. Write down what you want to say to the Doctor. Find the right doctor you can work with. Doctors won't do the research you have to do it and make all your
Decisions based on your information. Doctors just guess most of the time. Some will just give up on you. There is a long rough road ahead for both of you.
If my wife didn't make me go to the many doctors,ct,xray(passed out due to the metal )
Brain scans and doctors that just want to shoot u in the neck with a lidocane needle. I would still
Be running around my backyard crying and screaming in level 9 pain.
Benny needs you shellenb. Hang in there!
The pain getting worse after dignosis.
Its like when we are told not to touch a hot
Burner and we do it anyway.
Benny now knows what is causing his
Pain. So he's touching the burner so to speak.
Our minds work that way.
You both know it's real now.
Work together. Knowledge is the key to your success.
Keep touching things thats how we learn.
Benny needs you shelleenb learn,grow and protect him.
Stay well.
 

Tharper

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DX FIBRO
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I went through this as well. I think that is exactly what is was, a relief that I finally knew what it was and I allowed myself to feel the pain. I have good days when there is no humidity but when it is humid I feel awful and nothing helps. It is hard to get through a day of work. I am constantly moving at work and I am dead tired when I get home. I keep a diary so to speak of how each day is, what I accomplish, how I feel etc. It helps when I go to the doctor because I can look back at what was going on since my last md appointment.
 
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Actually, a thought that comes to mind after Tharper mentioned the humidity. Perhaps part of the problem is that the winter and colder, more miserable weather/low pressure has contributed it seeming dramitacally worse so quickly. Although I live in the UK where the weather is always changing. I don't know what it is like out there where you are.

Just a thought though, because I am much worse through the winter months.
 

Shallenb

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Thanks, everyone Ben and me sat down and talked. And reading your responses helped too. I still have a little bit of a hard time understanding not being in his shoes, but I'm trying to educate myself more and be more compassionate. I know he was and is my hero, I have had issues of my own and he has always been amazing for me, now i'm doing better and trying to follow his example.
 

Bennyboy72582

Member
Joined
Jan 19, 2015
Messages
20
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
07/2014
Country
US
State
Oklahoma
Actually, a thought that comes to mind after Tharper mentioned the humidity. Perhaps part of the problem is that the winter and colder, more miserable weather/low pressure has contributed it seeming dramitacally worse so quickly. Although I live in the UK where the weather is always changing. I don't know what it is like out there where you are.

Just a thought though, because I am much worse through the winter months.

We live in Oklahoma. I always joke around about how our state is the bi polar state cause one minute it's hot and then next day it will be cold. When we first started notecing i had problems was back in 2012. We had been married just a month when my wife had to go to the hospital for two week weeks cause she had a bi polar attack. When she got it out was close to July. The day after July 4th i was at work and i was on lunch and i was heading home for lunch when i got in i was so worn out that i fainted as soon as i entered our apartment. My wife had to cool me down and she called my job and told them i would not be in for the rest of the day. They knew i was going through a lot at the time and so they told her they would see me on Monday and for me to take it easy and rest. So i did. When Monday came around i still was not feeling right.

My wife and i are both born again Christians and we prayed about it and both felt God telling us to have me take a month and a half off. So i did. We we're not sure what would happen for us money wise but God took care of us.

Fast forward a year later. By that time my mom was sick and she had to move in with us so i was juggling working full time and taking care of two sick people at the time. Around the same time as the year before i had another attack. This time on my way home from work i almost passed out as i was walking home at night. The next day i felt like i was having a heartattack so we called the ambulance and they came to get me. To make a long story short i was told it was once again real bad deppression and anxiety. I had to take another month and a half off of work.

By this time we knew something was up. Last July was when i found out i had fibro and i begin to have my real bad attacks. We are notcing that stress around those times seem to trigger it real bad. We are hopping that this July will be better since i am no longer working. But only time will tell!
 

Bennyboy72582

Member
Joined
Jan 19, 2015
Messages
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Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
07/2014
Country
US
State
Oklahoma
My wife wanted to know if anyone know a real good doctor in the Tulsa area that knows about fibro?
 

Loftpat

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Aug 12, 2013
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08/2013
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ME
Before I was diagnosed, I pushed and pushed through the pain, fog and fatIgue until I collapsed. Literally. I could say that I feel more pain now because I am more aware of not pushing my boundaries.
 

cmetryme

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Benny, I'm in Texas but I use Texas pain mgt group. Not sure they are there. I get great referral from the local hospital. They have folks just for that. Give them a call.
 

Lyndsey

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Dec 18, 2014
Messages
89
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
04/2014
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Can
State
British Columbia
Hi there and welcome! I am relatively new here as well.

This too happened to me, I think others are right it was like a release but not in a good way. My symptoms seemed to amplify a few months after I was diagnosed.

Thoughts and prayers to you guys
 
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