Finding life so hard

[diamond]

Not long ago my partner said so many unkind things and dumped me blaming fibro and how its affected me as mine has been really severe for a long time now and so clearly affects his life too....but rejection and brutal words on top of being so poorly has had devastating consequences mentally and physically.

The result is I have become more ill both my body fibro and now intolerable migraines and jaw and face pain 24/7 ..kind of like im dying feeling and hard to stand up let alone do anything.

It was so traumatic for someone sensitive like me as he also cheated over a decade ago and went off with another woman for 4 months.

That happened before i got fibro and was very healthy person so much easier to cope with although was still extremely distressing as i endured months of erratic behaviour and deceit i didnt know about until the truth came out.

Long story short we got back together after him showing great remorse which is something i never thought i would entertain but i did.

Not long after i got my first symptoms of fibro.

He is still around now and we are trying to work things out but my health has taken such a hit..i have little other support as 10 years into fibro very few friends are around and so hard anyway for them to understand this illness and how stress can ramp it up.

I dont want to talk i just want this crippling pain nausea depression and wake drenched in sweat from nightmares and pain to ease....then I lay in bed as when i stand up my body has no strength and my head hurts so much i need ice on it almost all the time and darkness.

Sorry for this emotional whiny vent but i was already at breaking point with my health and probably not easy to be around so i guess its not all one sided but i am a very caring gentle person and have run out of reasons to carry on..its not just severe pain i feel so ill...if that makes any sense and adrenaline pumping non stop even when i take anxiety meds.

All new meds ive ever tried for have all made me feel so unwell too ....and no real relief..even my doctor is out of ideas.

For years i managed my condition well with no medication by pacing and resting but it no longer works...i seem to have a very progressive type of fibro.

The whole thing has made my symptoms intolerable and then i have to try and be better for sake of my relationship ...sooo much pressure!

 

[Peaceandquiet]

Hi Diamond,
Sounds like you have really hit rock bottom and I'm feeling for you. I totally get you when you say that trauma can have such an effect on sensitive people. Let's hope you can break out of this cycle soon and get that blood moving again. XO

 

[sunkacola]

Diamond,
I am sooo sorry that all this is piling up on you. My guess is that, even though your partner is there now you don't feel that you can ever trust him again, after all that deceit. I know I cannot trust a person ever again if they treat me with deception and cruelty. So you now feel as though you are in an untenable situation, with a partner you need because you need help, and yet with someone who you cannot fully rely on, either.

This is a very stressful place to be, and it is no wonder that you are now feeling worsening of symptoms as a result. I know that for me, if even a little bit of stress comes into my life my pain level starts to rise and if I have a very stressful day I end up on the couch unable to do anything. So for you, this is bad.

Honestly, the only thing I can think of to suggest to you is to ask if maybe there is one place.... a park, or woods, or lake, or book store, or art gallery.....any place that feels calm and peaceful to you that is not too far away from where you live. If there is and you can get there for a few minutes or an hour or so a few times a week, and just SIT. Doing nothing but enjoying the peace.......perhaps that might help. I am only saying this because it is what I would do. I would go get out into nature somewhere quiet where there are no people around and just sit gazing at the mountains and doing nothing except breathing.

Maybe if you had something like this that was all yours, it might help you to deal with your situation.
It's only a thought, it might not be helpful to you at all.
Again, I am so sorry you are going through this.

 

[vickythecat]

I am really sorry to hear all these bad things piling up in your life, and that it feels like nothing is helping, or will ever help in the future.

I don't want to upset you any further, but I do want to share my story with you. I was in a relationship of 7 years, the first and only love of my life, my soulmate, my best friend. The last 2 years of our relationship things started changing. I was diagnosed with depression and severe anxiety, and after a while I started hearing daily mean comments. I told myself it was the stress of living with me - a now difficult, not-so-fun person. Then a year later, I found out that I was cheated on. It torn me apart. It took me another 6 months to finally make the decision to leave. It was the most difficult decision of my life because it also meant I was homeless, jobless, with not a single friend or family member to help me out. My GP saved my life. It took me about 6 months to get over the worst. Then I started healing and life started again for me. A life better than the one I had when I was being cheated on, and being mean to.

Everyone deserves love - true love. And most importantly we all deserve respect. It is up to you to decide in the end, of course, but please think about whether you have love and respect in your life right now. I know it is very very difficult...being ill, and going through relationship problems. But please put yourself first. This is truly the time for that.

Also know that there is a whole wide world out there waiting for you. Full of possibilities, options, new friends, new people....It often helps to go to a different place to realize that, away from home, and spend some time there. If you can't get away for a few days, just like Sunkacola mentioned, go to a place where you can relax, just sit and be in the moment. And remind yourself you are worthy of the best that life has to offer. Love, respect and so much more.

Sending over positive vibes and love from across the continent.

 

[diamond]

Thank you vicky i totally get what you are saying and sharing your story i appreciate your view point and agree in so many ways.

 

[moe1959]

First...
Draw a line in the Sand.
You no longer carry guilt for something you cant controll.
You are number 1. Take care of yourself first. If He is not understanding, then let it GO. Whatever the situation is at the time. Some people are not imbred with compassion, its just not in their makeup. So...you cant get something from someone who does not understand or is equiped with in thefirst place. seek comfort, understanding , throuh a diffrent outlet, be it A GOOD pastor, Dr. , and of course here.
May I ask? Are you Married? I only ask this for your personal well being. Thee is so much more I would love to help you with. feel free to send a private message to me anytime, and maybe I can help you with some tangible advice.
Untill then. Chin up. Your worth it.

 

[diamond]

Thanks Moe i dont feel worth anything right now so your comments are appreciated. I will pm you later thanks. I wish i had logic to see me through my emotions..logic seems to escape me these days. I've always invested a lot in relationships and because i am instinctively extremely compassionate i find it hard to understand if you love someone how it cant be instinctive..to me that's not love at all.

Maybe i need educating or an simply am too serious personality. I find less comfort in words from friends ..its what he says that seems to matter the most..maybe most people aren't like that and I am the odd one! Or maybe years of being quite isolated due to severe fibro has made me too dependent on one person....i think this is the most likely explanation.

You seem very wise..i wish i could stand outside my own situation and not feel things so strongly..like you say i need to let it go.

 

[sunkacola]

Diamond, it is not easy to let it go. It is always the people closest to us who can hurt us the most, because we tend to care what they think of us, and we let them into our minds and hearts and that gives them the power to harm us.

Some people are too self-centered to be able to be compassionate toward another person. If you are unfortunately hooked up with such a person it may be better for you if you separate yourself from that person. going it alone is hard, believe me I know because I am alone. but honestly I would rather be alone than in a relationship that is stressful, and being with a person who is not compassionate, who doesn't meet you half way on everything, who doesn't try to understand, IS STRESSFUL! And, stress of course as we all know makes our condition worse.

Think about yourself and what you need. Get some time to yourself in a peaceful place. what you need to do FOR YOU will come clear to you.

And don't let your partner or anyone else make you feel worthless. Anyone who is making you feel that way doesn't deserve to be in your life. Get rid of them.