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NoSaint

New member
Joined
Apr 16, 2022
Messages
4
I like there's a ranting forum. </end nice talk>

Onto the 99 million things that annoy me...

I wake up every morning and the first thing I think is "who I am going to piss off today". Everyone I know wants something off of me, and I haven't got enough me to pass around. In the end I let myself down, because what I want doesn't happen. Making others happy is so core to my persona but it drives me to despair sometimes. At work I am the most popular guy in the office because I a) know a lot of stuff and b) always drop what i'm doing to help anyone. At home I spend my time looking into things for friends, keeping up appearances (I myself dont really care, but others do) and keeping in touch with all my long distance friends who are always the first to have a go when I dont reply to them. On top of that I'm an international level E-sports player and I have sponsors, team mates and media duties all of which tie up my time.

So I want to say to people hey, take a freakin ticket and join the queue, wait for your number. My work manager hates it, my agent (esports) tells me I'm lazy, my friends tell me I'm a crap friend. I often say a day needs 25 hours, and thats without sleep....

Thats my rant...
 

Badger

Senior member
Joined
Apr 2, 2021
Messages
216
Well said, people have no idea, but plenty to say when their the ones who are suffering. It's maddening and you will burn yourself out. In the end it's not worth it, your health comes first. To be fair you already do enough for others, it's important for us to set boundaries. You've achieved a lot with E-sports, that deserves respect with Fibro.
 

Auriel

Very helpful member
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Joined
Jun 8, 2021
Messages
853
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
08/2006
Country
UK
State
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Watch your not getting manipulated used and abused by people, giving pieces of yourself to everyone is gonna leave you empty stressed and drained (and that’s not gonna help fibro) what are the people around you offering you? and are they causing you more stress cos you could be around/associating with toxic people and they will take and use kind people that are willing to help, would they do the same for you?✨🧞‍♂️✨
 

JayCS

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Sep 5, 2020
Messages
1,957
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DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
02/2020
Country
GE
HI and welcome to the forum, Stressedout! 👋 - Hope you'll find and develop ideas to de-stress here!
 

sunkacola

Moderator
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Joined
Dec 2, 2016
Messages
2,321
Reason
DX FIBRO
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00/0000
Country
US
Hi Stressedout, The thing is that if you give too much of yourself to other people, you will end up not having enough to give to anyone. With fibro, as with many other conditions, if you don't take care of yourself first and foremost you will crash and you don't want to go down that road because then you will be feeling as though you let everyone down.

So, to those people you can actually talk to, such as your friends, be completely honest and upfront with them. Tell them you have a chronic pain condition that drains your energy. Tell them they are important to you and you are doing your best, but if they don't hear from you as fast as they would like to it is not personal. I suggest you be blunt (while being nice about it, of course, and never complaining) and simply say that it is imperative (not an option) for you to take care of yourself, and if you don't the result might be that they never hear from you at all because you will be too sick! Let them know that you wish it were different, but if they cannot be patient and wait sometimes to hear back from you, then they might need to think about how important you really are to them as a person.

Then, consider carefully what is most important to you. Is e-sports your favorite thing to do? Who among those people who have a go at you are the most important friends? Consider what you can let go of in order to keep yourself alive and functioning.

Most important -- TELL people. Of course, what you say to a boss or co-worker is going to be different from what you say to a friend, and you can modify what you say according to the circumstances. But just be upfront. Trust me, this is the best approach. To some you say little, to others more. But if you don't tell them what is going on you don't give them the chance to adapt to it and be accommodating when you need that.

Any friend who refuses to believe you or won't be patient is not really your friend. Those who truly care for you as a person may not understand it but they should at least want what is best for you more than their little preferences like how long it takes you to get back to them. If they only care about what they want, I suggest that you think about cutting them from your life, because that kind of relationship is toxic to folks who have serious health problems like fibro.

And, rant any time you want to. We are here to support you.
 

JayCS

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Messages
1,957
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02/2020
Country
GE
they got me out of a sticky situation, the monkeys had wings and everything! It was barmy!
Auriel- you are correct. Being manipulated & worn down, then giving in results in a downward spiral.
Auriel and @fimi, you had me lost there for a minute. :confused: Oz is a classic I've completely missed in my whole life.
A quick sleuth around brought me to Dorothy's Ruby Slippers and to the Wicked Witch of the West's "Enablers".
But then - did you know this?
Looking for a video of Flying Monkeys showed me that they are used as a symbol for a narcissist's enablers - the people who help a narcissist manipulate us. Knowingly (cos themselves narcissists) or unknowingly (e.g. children believing the narcissist).
My first reaction is: I think I've been lucky that I've been manipulated a lot in my life, but I don't think by "Flying Monkeys".
My second is wondering if I praps just never realized it, not at the time even knowing what manipulators are, much less their enablers.
It was a person that helped me out of an abusive relationship and pointed me to a book Marie-France Hirigoyen's book, translated as "Stalking the Soul" (2000). (French original 1998. German title translates as "The Masks of Perfidy"), which gives examples that opened my eyes, helped me de-brainwash, come clean (or is it: come dirty? Would fit in my case as it was someone with OCD...).
My third is a thankfulness to people like Hirigoyen and now psychology author Angela Atkinson, who first used the term for "Enablers". Having words helps speak and think and protect ourselves. Hirigoyen's book isn't brilliant, but a start. Anyone read Atkinson? Take Back Your Life; Take Back Your Power; Your Love is My Drug. The titles sound quite good, and the image is great, but that doesn't mean the books are...?

There are often two sides to the story. And even more helpful were books about myself, instead of about the other person, so Melody Beattie's term co-dependency was also helpful. Again reading several books was too theoretical, I couldn't apply it, but her "Daily Meditations" Books, esp. The Language of Letting Go suddenly made everything clear.

I've taken this post from the thread about fatigue to this thread that's more fittingly about manipulation...
 
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Auriel

Very helpful member
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853
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Yes you’ve got it right jay, no saint hasn’t been on for a bit and stressedout is new and obviously experienced same as no saint me and probably some others on the forum 🛏 💤 🌙
 

JayCS

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DX FIBRO
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My first reaction is: I think I've been lucky that I've been manipulated a lot in my life, but I don't think by "Flying Monkeys".
There are often two sides to the story. And even more helpful were books about myself, instead of about the other person, so Melody Beattie's term co-dependency
I spose we are sort of made to Flying Monkeys ourselves - if we are co-dependent, we don't need any Monkeys outside.
Doesn't make us be manipulative to others, just to ourselves... 😬 --- (Now let's go back to sleeeeep, sleeeeep, and remember ......)
 

Auriel

Very helpful member
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Messages
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Yeah narcissists are manipulative and need enablers to buy into their delusions about themselves and to get at targeted individuals night jay
💤🛏💤
 

JayCS

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Messages
1,957
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DX FIBRO
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02/2020
Country
GE
need enablers to buy into their delusions about themselves
After now sleeping pretty well... sigh...
I read a bit more about the Flying Monkeys in the original 1900 book: There they don't serve unconditionally like in the 1939 film, They were free pranksters, who threw a man in his velvet wedding suit into a river. His fiancée was a sorceress who angrily enslaved them to the Golden Cap, which soon the Wicked Witch uses, then Dorothy after killing her, then the Good Witch, who gives it to the monkeys, breaking that curse.
This reminds me that we all have power for protection as well as manipulation. And that in mobbing contexts there are enablers, but also onlookers, some laughing, some clueless, some scared and it's good for us to look for good witches and the golden cap, for support, increasingly, to turn more and more of the enablers around.
This is best possible if we learn to speak about our emotions clearly, directly and freely, about what is happening, what it makes us feel like, what we need and what we want. If I'd been trained to know all this earlier I could have prevented many things being done to me, avoiding those situations by leaving them faster and coping with the injuries better.
 

Stressedout

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Joined
Jun 18, 2022
Messages
11
It’s almost like a co- dependent sacrifices themselves in order to have a relationship with a narcissist. It might work sometimes, but if you have to sacrifice your integrity, that alone can cause all kinds of health problems - and relationship issues. It’s like having a forced life, in part, and our bodies know it.
 

fimi

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Apr 12, 2022
Messages
234
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DX FIBRO
Country
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Auriel and @fimi, you had me lost there for a minute. :confused: Oz is a classic I've completely missed in my whole life.
A quick sleuth around brought me to Dorothy's Ruby Slippers and to the Wicked Witch of the West's "Enablers".
But then - did you know this?

JayCS, are you sure you're not the great Wizard of Oz???!! 😃
 
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