Hi from Norway

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By the way... I previouslt posted some music here.

I have a couple of new tracks for guitar here:
soundcloud . com / turbotobben

The tracks "Solsnu (Winter Solstice)" and "Lysne" are new, relaxing tracks if anyone would like some ear massage.
 
suddenly I got a "flu-like" feeling in my body and no energy to do anything except show up at work. It has been like that for 5-6 days now. I assume it is fatigue and fibromyalgia "acting up" due to stress. Nothing I do seems to help, painkillers don't help, I can't exercise, I don't want to lie down too much because I fear that I will start behaving like I am ill again. Does that even make sense?
Tons of sense! 👐
To not lie down I use select twist-stretched positions in which I can do continual gentle stretching and other exercises to keep in shape, that way we're not behaving like ill at all, but are treating ourselves to optimal rest. To optimize further we can switch between active resting, like doing yoga nidra for a time, then back to small gentle movements and tensing.
Before guessing if your "flu-like feeling" is the same as mine: Is it a feverish-feeling without fever? Or a sort of slightly overwrought without it being real usable energy? Or Ache all over?
Whatever: If it's only 5-6 days there's a good chance in my experience that you toning your activities down for a few weeks, getting your bloods checked for deficiencies and supplements for fatigue might help.
 
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Before guessing if your "flu-like feeling" is the same as mine: Is it a feverish-feeling without fever? Or a sort of slightly overwrought without it being real usable energy? Or Ache all over?
Yes, that’s exactly it, a feverish non-fever. I also feel a slight pressure in my chest, as if I have breathing issues (but I don’t really).

Overwrought also covers it, a sense of tiredness and constant stress without a clear source.

Not really aching but still aching. More like a sense that I *have been* aching, the tiredness you sense in the muscles and joints afterwards.

In general a pretty strong »malaise» kind of feeling.
 
You sound as if you've mastered so many challenges in your life and I don't think you've met your match, especially once you find how to get your mind power back!
I just wanted to say to you @JayCS - I have kept this sentence in my mind over the past 7-8 months since you wrote it. «I have not yet met my match». Thank you for writing that.

I am in a much better place than I was only a year ago. There is so much that is good about my life now. I have survived severe depression and suicidal thoughts after the unexpected divorce. I have managed to get back to work at least half time. I am up and about and out of the house so much more than I managed to do last year. I am able to do basic physical exercise. I am in touch with my friends and I have a social life again.

I am determined to live a good life. I just need to understand my limits, and lessen the depth of my fears.
 
Yes, that’s exactly it, a feverish non-fever. I also feel a slight pressure in my chest, as if I have breathing issues (but I don’t really). Overwrought also covers it, a sense of tiredness and constant stress without a clear source. Not really aching but still aching. More like a sense that I *have been* aching, the tiredness you sense in the muscles and joints afterwards.
In general a pretty strong »malaise» kind of feeling.
Yup, then I was "asking/guessing" correctly 😜. Concentrating on the feverish non-fever and feeling overwrought ("tired but wired" I spose is the same): I have this, and have interpreted in different ways, constantly re-checking as ever has brought me to understand and treat it/me better.

Short story: Cold showering helped possible autoimmune aspects, sleeping it off as soon as it came up helped possible insomnia reasons, what remains is keeping a tight handle on overdoing it, best by relishing short moments intensely instead of the speed and amount of activity like I used to.

Long story:
I first imagined it to be something autoimmune, cos it feels like an inflammation all over. So knowing and feeling that cold showering might help, e.g. by reducing cytokines, or simply by sort of reducing the heat, I tried that and that did reduce it temporarily, which seemed to confirm it.
In my second phase on it, the memory crept up on me that it was exactly the same feeling I had in between when clubbing, which was quite OK when I was around 50, but then quickly worsened: Tiredness, screwing all my energy out of my body, giving it all (and that I did, could dance like a dervish, whether Techno, moshing or Mother's Finest live). That put me on to it being a deep need for sleep. And I had been getting tired at 10 or 9 in the evenings, making any evening plans crumble... probably fibro developing. So I worked in a different way on my sleep hygiene, ignoring the advice not to sleep in the daytime, and realized when that happened I could often sleep about 2 hours in the late afternoon, which was better. Gradually I seemed to sleep myself better, and need it less and less and then try more and more to turn the sleep into a nap, and then stop napping altogether, which has stayed that way whatever else is going wrong.
Third phase was realizing that I could have seeming good days with pretty much energy, esp. after sleeping less than normal. When my sleep lab psychiatrist told me that was the effect of cortisol, that suddenly opened up a new realm - the connection to the autoimmune / cold showering, the sleep, the danger of the cortisol ("adrenaline" we informally say) fogging over the tiredness and our needs, plus then the connection (as antagonist) to serotonin, which I could see I had too little of, as GABA was a great help. (As histamine is also an antagonist to serotonin there are similar effects of fake energy thru that too, in the evenings and at 3am, but it doesn't feel as feverish as cortisol, but can come with histamine-y/allergic feelings/symptoms.)
And the 4th phase I'm in now... is ... hmm... probably all of that experience put together, but having strangely got fairly full grip on my sleep since the 3rd jab and much better control of my activity amounts I can usually avoid overdoing it and use it as a warning sign to judge how much I want to continue to overdo it.
So to cut that long journey short, even if to me it was a valuable one: The feverishness and "tired, but wired" is a warning sign that my body is on overdrive, running on empty, and if I calculate carefully and sensibly I need to tone down very soon, and then it'll be OK and worth the ride. But not if I get carried away, exhilerated, get high from the cortisol, sort of addicted. Those are so enticing moments, esp. for someone used to being very active and getting most rewards from it, even believing we are nothing more than what we achieve, that we need to define and prove ourselves by our activities.
My secret to get out of that Speed King car has been to develop savouring single moments more and more. First it seems so boring, but as long as I can be continually active, multi-tasking and task-switching in a slow way, a new type of exhileration and addiction has developed. Yes, it would probably be healthier to just sit and "do nothing", like my wife wishes I would, but I'm just not made that way, so I need my stretches or various thoughts and mind games to keep myself on my toes. When I try to "do nothing", to not get on her wick/nerves, my body very quickly gets on my wick/nerves, with unrest, itching, pain, all kinds of uncomfy sensations, which can make me go mad. So I still need to keep on the move in a slower way. My body gives me no chance to know if it could be any different. And never has....
 
I have a couple of new tracks for guitar here:
Nice, thanks! 👐
Won't be anything new from me "for the time being".... definitely nothing I'd think worth listening to,
flimsy voice, no energy for editing to make things appear better...
I'm having to reduce making music like everything to effortless stuff, covers that I know by heart ("are in my fingers"), or easy to learn, need only a little practice, not too much, lots of breaks, last rehearsal I was playing lying down part of the time to make sure I'd get thru the short performances. If I hadn't managed these sitting (or standing) there'll always be the option to play the performances half-lying or lying on the floor. Once again making "the invisible" sort of visible in my own weird way. The other day I explained it a bit to my "audience" that if what I do seems weird (lying down) and contradictory (walking normally one minute, not able to move the next) then it's sort of the same to me and my docs, but they're welcome to ask any details.
(Yesterday a doc or doc hubby asked if it was something like ME/CFS, he'd seen last year's study, so it may not be much of a comfort, but they're working on it... - kept my answers short to save energy, but ended on the note that I don't think they're gonna get anywhere until they get to feed "the machines" (A.I.) appropriately. I can see from the studies they haven't any clue how to turn our symptoms etc. into food for the machines yet....)

Making music was definitely worth the strain again this week, all worked out in the end. But it has to "come to me", I can't afford to "go to it". That's my motto at the moment, with housework and gardening too: Anything that comes to me, that comes naturally, I'll do, everything else can "get lost". No, thinking "get lost" costs me too much energy, it can "lose itself". And since everyone knows that, there's no pressure at all, I've got an immediate ejection seat that lets me stop in my tracks, whilst the aeroplane can continue where it wants to, so it ejects the aeroplane 🛩️ rather than me. 😼
 
Long story:
The feverishness and "tired, but wired" is a warning sign that my body is on overdrive, running on empty, and if I calculate carefully and sensibly I need to tone down very soon, and then it'll be OK and worth the ride. But not if I get carried away, exhilerated, get high from the cortisol, sort of addicted. Those are so enticing moments, esp. for someone used to being very active and getting most rewards from it,
I can really relate, both to your story and this thing about "getting addicted" to the high. It's like my body+mind conspire to focus on something and that something requires *all* my physical and mental energy *all* the time. It's like a borderline personality thing. I don't have BPD but a psych test in January showed that I present on the spectrum for both BPD and NPD (narcisissistic personality disorder), both of which may be related to many years of illness and physical + mental trauma.
even believing we are nothing more than what we achieve, that we need to define and prove ourselves by our activities.
Exactly. This is essentially BPD+NPD combined. :sneaky:

My secret to get out of that Speed King car has been to develop savouring single moments more and more. First it seems so boring, but as long as I can be continually active, multi-tasking and task-switching in a slow way, a new type of exhileration and addiction has developed. Yes, it would probably be healthier to just sit and "do nothing", like my wife wishes I would, but I'm just not made that way, so I need my stretches or various thoughts and mind games to keep myself on my toes. When I try to "do nothing", to not get on her wick/nerves, my body very quickly gets on my wick/nerves, with unrest, itching, pain, all kinds of uncomfy sensations, which can make me go mad. So I still need to keep on the move in a slower way. My body gives me no chance to know if it could be any different. And never has....
We are on the same page here. I talked to a psychologist yesterday for a wrap-up session after two years of treatment. I sought help a few years ago to get out of "illness mode" after so many years of fighting pain and disease (as explained in the first post in this thread).

One problem for me is that I am so used to being married and having the safety of a good relationship. Suddenly being single and having to deal with everything without spousal support is surprisingly difficult even though I have come to terms with the breakup and feel quite satisified that it is actually over. I need to keep in mind that feelings of loneliness is normal after such a long marriage and that I am not alone in struggling with the loss of "twosome-ness".

I find some strength in my own progression over the past year, and tell myself every day that I must compare myself to where I *want* to be, but to where I *have* been. Those are two different stories.
 
Exactly. This is essentially BPD+NPD combined. :sneaky:
Hehe, but not necessarily, I have neither of these traits at all! :cool:
We are on the same page here.
I am so used to being married and having the safety of a good relationship
I am not alone in struggling with the loss of "twosome-ness"
Yeah, same page regarding the safety of relationships too - mine were all long, however not good, something like BPD +NPD, was usually on the other side. So this time after a first rush into it I rushed out to make sure I was fully prepared to rush back in, which was I believe exactly the right decision and has paid off well.
that I must compare myself to where I *want* to be, but to where I *have* been. Those are two different stories.
Do you mean 'not' instead of 'but'? I think I'm wary of all comparisons, but on the other hand do think my life has been continual progress, I'm in the best place I've ever been and I'm continuing to develop that. But to keep from the dangers of the past and present, mindfulness and enjoyment of Here and Now seems crucial.
 
Hehe, but not necessarily, I have neither of these traits at all! :cool:
Good!
Yeah, same page regarding the safety of relationships too - mine were all long, however not good, something like BPD +NPD, was usually on the other side. So this time after a first rush into it I rushed out to make sure I was fully prepared to rush back in, which was I believe exactly the right decision and has paid off well.
Good, too! I need to learn not to rush into this. I have scared away a couple of dates lately by simply being a bit too intense. Slowly learning the ropes of dating...
Do you mean 'not' instead of 'but'? I think I'm wary of all comparisons, but on the other hand do think my life has been continual progress, I'm in the best place I've ever been and I'm continuing to develop that. But to keep from the dangers of the past and present, mindfulness and enjoyment of Here and Now seems crucial.
That came out the wrong way. I can't edit it now but this is what I tried to write:

"I find some strength in my own progression over the past year, and tell myself every day that I must not compare myself to where I *want* to be, but to where I *have* been. Those are two different stories."

Hope that makes more sense.
 
"I find some strength in my own progression over the past year, and tell myself every day that I must not compare myself to where I *want* to be, but to where I *have* been. Those are two different stories."
(y)
I do the same, Jay. It's the only way to do it, in my opinion.
 
I need to learn not to rush into this. I have scared away a couple of dates lately by simply being a bit too intense. Slowly learning the ropes of dating...
I guess people need to know (that if) we are intense people, praps HSP, but it's good to give them and us time to see if and how that can fit together. So talking deeply about life and experiences, but not too "near" might be a compromise? - Maybe they just realized they can't take this intensity for long, which is fine. I get that often. :cool:. Even from my wife, come to think of it. :ROFLMAO:
None of my partnerships came from "dating" tho, they came from getting to know the women from "accidentally" either "living" with them for a bit, or from dancing in a club, talking, meeting/walking.
Whilst my attitude whilst dating (only 3-4 women) was more focused on meeting interesting people, as "friends", and felt that a healthy way of going about it. There wasn't anyone from a distance or the few near ones that sparkled in any way.
"I find some strength in my own progression over the past year, and tell myself every day that I must not compare myself to where I *want* to be, but to where I *have* been. Those are two different stories." Hope that makes more sense.
Definitely!
I'm wondering about alternative comparisons. Thinking along the lines of who, rather than where, I want to be, like wanting to be a more stable, more content, unafraid person. But "where" helpfully reminds me of having been in worse relationships than I am now, as well as having been less stable and more afraid. The two are related of course, and you might mean both.
Comparisons are good if they encourage, motivate us, bad if they do the opposite, & make us envy & hate.
 
was more focused on meeting interesting people, as "friends", and felt that a healthy way of going about it.
could not have said it better myself!
Looking back, when i went into dating actively looking for a "relationship" i often found myself in not so great ones...
but going into it as looking for a friend to just do stuff with.. go to a movie, a concert, or other activity - i had enough solitude in my life with my job... that is when I found my current partner..
we are not married, probably never will go down that road (i have been married before & in no rush to do it again), but we are both content with our relationship and have been together for 22+ years now.
 
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