I can no longer go on vacation. I don't dread it, I just can't.
My wife's planning me to go with her to a birthday party 20 car minutes away from us soon.
Today even hearing people talk is too much for me. It's not mental stress or anxiety or dreading anything, nothing that's expected of me. So same for that party. Her workaround is for me to take a taxi back home when I'm "finished". The way things are going that will be after 5 minutes, if at all. This again is not something I'm dreading. It's simply a fact. I've long got most of my anxiety down using mindfulness, relaxation (NSDR is my fave), radical acceptance (ACT). If she forces me to go, I will *. But I won't hide anything and I'll keep away from people, so I don't see the sense. You can take a horse to water, but you can't make it drink. If I did "drink" I'd "puke" for at least a week and I'm already "puking" enough as it is. Tried table tennis today, first time after over a week - managed 2 games, but pain and exhaustion came up after 3 minutes, quickly realized: no talking, hardly moving, backlash OK. My mate got all excited when he thought he could play sideway balls, cos I wasn't even thinking of trying to get them, but he kept then hitting them too far sideways, so still lost the first game, but the second game energy was even less... Now a long rest and a bit of gardening for the rest of the day...
(To put table tennis in perspective: My wife yesterday asked: Oh, you didn't manage any table tennis today? Then you can't come to the shops with me for 10 minutes? (plus 2x10' there and back). I said: I'll try, as long as I don't need to talk... Didn't talk. 2-3h of rest necessary.)
* Edit: We broke even: She needs her time alone, too.