How do you deal with frustration?

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Trellum

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Helo everyone! Sometimes it's really hard for me to deal with the frustration I feel, specially when I see women who are even older than I am (I'm 26) and are/look way healthier than me. I don't mean to sound envious or anything, but sometimes it's hard for me to fake a grin when I meet some of my ''healthy'' friends.

Specially when they talk about the things they do... how full of energy they are, how perfect their lives seem to be (pain-free) and so on. I can't help but to compare my life to theirs :( I'm obviously in a huge disadventage. I'm still learning to deal with frustration, it's not very easy, but I'm definitely getting there!

What about you? how do you guys deal with frustration? got any tips?
 

twiztc

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i get around it by hanging out with people much older than me. My swimming buddies are no younger than 65 (so at least 20 years older than me) and we still have a giggle that im usually the first out of the pool and they all beat me out the door. It does get me down sometimes but I always try to see the humerous side. Im very comfortable at taking the Micky out of myself, its my own way of coping...that way no-one can hurt me by saying bad things to me or about me as they cant say anything worse than what i have said to myself.
But I do find I get frustrated at myself a lot more these days and when I do I usually end up angry and that causes me to cry. I hate crying but it seems to be some kind of release valve
 

MamaToBoys

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Crying releases stress hormones, so if you feel like it is releasing for you, then maybe crying is good! I think I block a lot of emotions and can't cry when I really should. I notice that I watch sad movies, cry about them and it makes me feel better. So I must be unconsciously aware that I need to let go.
 

MamaToBoys

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Trellum,

I'm sorry that you are in the situation. You sound really frustrated. It isn't fair that you feel so unhealthy and such low energy. I can see how the low energy could potentially make its own cycle.

I have this really beautiful friend. She is tall and so pretty. But what only 1 and maybe 2 other people know is that she has rheumatoid arthritis. She has changed her complete diet. It is now very restricted. She is still in pain, but she is currently managing it with out medication. Any infraction and it flairs up pretty badly though. She is still breast feeding and is hanging on by the skin of her teeth.

My point is, that when people meet her, they have no idea of what she is going through. I don't know if it makes you feel any better, but there are people out there who look like everything is fine, but they are facing their own struggles.

Best,

Jennifer
 

fibrogal

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Oh, bless your heart! Of course you're frustrated by your life....you're so young, and by no fault of your own you've been saddled with this disease! I'm sure it does bother you looking at your friends who appear healthy. I do the same thing, and I'm 60! In fact, my mother just told me a few minutes ago that I'm too young to have so many problems! Like I chose this!

But to answer your question, I do feel that frustration many times, especially when I've been in a flare like this summer. It's really tough. But then I try to focus on something that makes me happy, like going shopping, watching something I love on tv, reading a great book, thinking about seeing my granddaughter at Christmas, getting together with a friend for lunch, etc. I think it's all a matter of our focus.

Just know that we understand, and we care!
 

Trellum

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i get around it by hanging out with people much older than me. My swimming buddies are no younger than 65 (so at least 20 years older than me) and we still have a giggle that im usually the first out of the pool and they all beat me out the door. It does get me down sometimes but I always try to see the humerous side. Im very comfortable at taking the Micky out of myself, its my own way of coping...that way no-one can hurt me by saying bad things to me or about me as they cant say anything worse than what i have said to myself.
But I do find I get frustrated at myself a lot more these days and when I do I usually end up angry and that causes me to cry. I hate crying but it seems to be some kind of release valve

Same here, I'm crying so often. My frustration often leads to anger, then I start crying sometimes after a bit. It's great you can take this with sense of humor, that always helps :) I really wish I could do the same! I'm a very sensitive girl, and I get hurted very easily :( so sometimes it's really hard to deal with some of the things that people say about me.

Have you tried to consult a therapist about this? I'm consulting one :) She has helped me a bit, but I'm thinking of switching to a different one ( this one is not entirely satisfying!). You should try it :) It really helps to have someone to talk about this kind of things!
 

Trellum

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Crying releases stress hormones, so if you feel like it is releasing for you, then maybe crying is good! I think I block a lot of emotions and can't cry when I really should. I notice that I watch sad movies, cry about them and it makes me feel better. So I must be unconsciously aware that I need to let go.

Really? so what you're saying is that crying can actually do the opposite of relieving your emotional distress? Because that would explain why I don't feel that well after crying! Sometimes I do tho... but what really helps me is to talk about my feelings with someone.
 

Trellum

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Trellum,

I'm sorry that you are in the situation. You sound really frustrated. It isn't fair that you feel so unhealthy and such low energy. I can see how the low energy could potentially make its own cycle.

I have this really beautiful friend. She is tall and so pretty. But what only 1 and maybe 2 other people know is that she has rheumatoid arthritis. She has changed her complete diet. It is now very restricted. She is still in pain, but she is currently managing it with out medication. Any infraction and it flairs up pretty badly though. She is still breast feeding and is hanging on by the skin of her teeth.

My point is, that when people meet her, they have no idea of what she is going through. I don't know if it makes you feel any better, but there are people out there who look like everything is fine, but they are facing their own struggles.

Best,

Jennifer

Hi Jennifer :) Thanks for sharing that story! I feel sorry for your friend! I think that there are a lot people out there who are struggling, but barely show it. I'm one of those persons, by the way. Most people think I'm ok, but they have no idea! Apparently I look very healthy (I'm tall and thin), some people think my life is really easy! heh!

I like my privacy, and I work from home, so not many people get to see me everyday. My cousins have no idea I'm this sick. I've asked my mother not to talk about my things with anyone. I don't want them to see me differently or feel sorry for me.


I hope your friend gets better, living with chronic pain is never easy! I can't even imagine what it must be like to have a baby under those circumstances. I hope she's getting all the love and support she needs! Again, thanks for sharing :) Sometimes I need to be reminded I'm not the only one going tru this!
 

Trellum

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Oh, bless your heart! Of course you're frustrated by your life....you're so young, and by no fault of your own you've been saddled with this disease! I'm sure it does bother you looking at your friends who appear healthy. I do the same thing, and I'm 60! In fact, my mother just told me a few minutes ago that I'm too young to have so many problems! Like I chose this!

But to answer your question, I do feel that frustration many times, especially when I've been in a flare like this summer. It's really tough. But then I try to focus on something that makes me happy, like going shopping, watching something I love on tv, reading a great book, thinking about seeing my granddaughter at Christmas, getting together with a friend for lunch, etc. I think it's all a matter of our focus.

Just know that we understand, and we care!

Thanks fibro gal :) Some days are more frustrating than others, specially now... I feel so affected by the fact I'm not sleeping well lately :( I feel terrible... my mood is totally different when I don't sleep. I feel like a zombie right now... or just a machine.

I don't stop, this disease has forced me to work from home, but working from home is not as easy as it might sound! I work nearly 12 hours every day! I wake up at 7 a.m. and I go to bed at 12 or 1 a.m. (If I'm lucky enough!). I don't know for how long I'll be able to keep up with this routine, but I must say this is helping me to keep my mind of all the health issues that are bothering me at the moment!

Of course we didn't choose this, but we can chooese how to deal with it :) I try to stay as positive as possible, but some days this is really hard. Specially when you sleep so little. By the way... how old is your mom?
 

MamaToBoys

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No problem Trellum. This is another one of her string of immunity issues. The run in her family - so they can all share when the get together and joke around about it.

I just checked in with her yesterday. Her diet is controlling the pain and inflammation right now, so she feels good. It was hard when she was on vacation because then it was hard to maintain the diet. And she pays for it pretty quickly.

I try and support her the best I can. She is good at asking for help (she has 3 kids!) and we can change what we are doing based on what she is feeling and/or needing.
 

Trellum

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She is so lucky to have such wonderful friend :) You sound like a really helpful and caring person - not many people like that out there anymore. I wish both of you the best of luck!
 

cinderr

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I know exactly what you mean, Trellum. My mother-in-law is 83 years old and gets around 5x better than I do!
Every single day when I see people walking the nearby trail, I say, " I want to walk with you." I can't. Crummy!
 

Trellum

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I know exactly what you mean, Trellum. My mother-in-law is 83 years old and gets around 5x better than I do!
Every single day when I see people walking the nearby trail, I say, " I want to walk with you." I can't. Crummy!

I read your reply on one of my posts :( I felt really sorry when I read that... I really feel for you! I totally understand how you feel when you see that healthy people walking by. I feel the same way when I see people my age... or even worse; people older than me looking way more healthy than I do. I'm a mess right now! But I'm trying to stay positive :)
 

fibrogal

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Trellum, my mother is 90 years old! She's been bed-ridden for a year and a half, and just this last week she developed pneumonia. We were afraid we were losing her, but she has rallied, and I think is pulling out of it! :)
 

MercyL

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The way I handle frustration depends on its source. I rarely pay any attention to what others are doing in their lives because they aren't dealing with the same issues I am dealing with. Comparisons are pointless.

If you are frustrated by hearing about the activities others engage in, I suggest you stop hanging around them and find people dealing with some of the same issues you must grapple with. There might be social groups for adults in your situation, in your area.

Have you looked for other friendship sources?
 
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