How do you get people to take you serious about your pain

[beaddot]

I don't want to seem like a whiner at work or at home but how do you show the actual pain without seeming like a complainer? My boss doesn't realize the extent of my pain because I try to hide it as much as I can. Yesterday I had a terrible cramp in my leg when I stood up. I hurt so bad I wanted to cry. All my boss said was "moving slow today?". He knows I have pain in my legs but he just thinks it's stiffness or my arthritis. I've tried to explain but he just doesn't understand or brushes me off.

Getting tired of hiding all my pain

 

[hansenlaw]

With all due respect, your boss sounds like an *******. Don't bother wasting your time with him. And don't try and hide your pain. Let me him know that he can shove it, you have a condition that's real and you need to demand his respect.

 

[Trellum]

I agree with hansenlaw. Don't waste your time with him or anyone else. To be honest I no longer care if my SO takes my pain seriously or not, in the end it really doesn't matter, since I know he will never truly understand... unless he starts suffering from that.

His health is excellent, so I doubt he will ever suffer from that, I'm happy for him, but at the same time I realize he will never understand. It was the same with my sister when I was a kid, she tried to explain everyone about her pain, but everyone (including myself) failed to understand her pain). It wasn't until I started suffering from pain myself (on a daily basis) that I finally understood and she no longer needed to explain anything to me.

 

[tracy45]

I disagree with hensenlaw. I know it is frustrating when other people don't understand or get it, but until you experience it firsthand, I think it is really tough to understand just how bad it is. Especially if you are trying to hide the extent of it. My sister has MS but is doing quite well on the medication she is on, but her experience with that is different than mine with Fibro - part because she is doing so well, but she really does not get just how tired and exhausted I can feel and we will butt heads when I say I can not go to a gathering with our friends. She seems to understand when I say I am in pain and will accept that and I know she worries that I am depressed but she does not understand that even if I go somewhere, where I will just be sitting and talking with people and then spending the night in a guest room, that spending the night away from my own home and bed can be a stressor for me and put me into a flare if I am not feeling well to begin with. I don't think anyone can really understand Fibro unless you have Fibro. Even when my illness first started and I went on this site and read some posts, I didn't really understand the extent to how it can be because I was not there yet. I try to remind myself that nobody except someone else with fibro is really going to understand and I have to try to be ok with that. I can stress myself just by the worry that my sister or friends don't get it so I tell myself that I don't really want them to know because that would mean that they have it too. I do have to say though, that when I was working I had a great boss who really tried to understand. I guess I can of went off on my own tangent here. Beaddot, unless you are more honest with your boss then there is no way that he/she is even going to begin to understand.

 

[beaddot]

thanks for the reply hansenlaw and trellum. it was the same way with my older sister. she was always grouchy and in a bad mood. I found out a few years ago that she was in pain. we are now best friends and use each other for support.

I guess by showing the pain, if I have to take time off he will know and not be thinking that I just want time off to go play..

 

[beaddot]

Thank you Tracy and see what you are saying. He knows that I go to the dr alot with my knees so I will let him know what my new dr told me and leave it up to him to try and get it.

 

[tracy45]

Beaddot, sorry, I went off on my own problems on the above post and realised after I re-read your post that I didn't really respond to what you are feeling. Your post really touched off some of my own frustrations. I don't know how close of a relationship you have with your boss but there could be a few different things going on. Some people have a hard time dealing or showing and saying things to people who have a chronic illness and they can come across as not caring but really just don't know how to deal with it. On the other hand, you need to think about if you really want him to know how bad it is, just in case at a future time you will need some medical leave. There are a lot of "Bosses" that will fire or layoff someone if they think they may go on sick leave. I know what you mean that you are tired of hiding the pain. I did that and then kind of went "off" on everyone close to me. That turned out good and bad. Bad that I felt horrible but good that I got some attention and some people started taking my illness a little more seriously. Let me know how things go for you and what you are feeling and just VENT!

 

[Brismom]

Im not sure how long you have suffered beaddot but I have had this for about 10 years and for me I have good, bad, and worse days and I find that I have learned not to verbalize my pain much. I have learned over the years to keep it to myself because it really does no good to talk about it and others don't really understand unless they have experienced it themselves. I know on the outside I look good so honestly that makes it worse because people will say "oh you look fine" or "you don't look sick". Now I think back before I had this my mother in law had it and shes dead now and now I feel bad because at the time I didn't understand. If anything, I have really learned to empathize with other people and things they go thru. If my pain and symptoms are really bad I figure out a way to get alone and lay down. I feel bad for those who are still working because I remember how bad my symptoms were when I was still working. (Stress makes everything worse). I couldn't even concentrate and I felt like a complete idiot most of the time (brain fog). My stomach was always upset.....Oh man, you poor thing...I'm sorry you are dealing with an unsympathetic boss

 

[mariposa]

I don't want to seem like a whiner at work or at home but how do you show the actual pain without seeming like a complainer? My boss doesn't realize the extent of my pain because I try to hide it as much as I can. Yesterday I had a terrible cramp in my leg when I stood up. I hurt so bad I wanted to cry. All my boss said was "moving slow today?". He knows I have pain in my legs but he just thinks it's stiffness or my arthritis. I've tried to explain but he just doesn't understand or brushes me off.

Getting tired of hiding all my pain

I'm sorry for your pain, beaddot... and that you're having to go through this at work. :sad:

My answer... well, I'm thinking that if your boss thinks it's arthritis, and only asked if you were moving slow, it usually doesn't do much good to try to tell someone the *extent* of the pain. I think if your boss knows that you have pain, that's a step ahead of having people around you who don't even believe there *is* pain. (Yeah, I know it sounds horrible and unbelievable, but it happens a lot more often than we may think.)

I guess maybe I just have a different attitude... if someone who didn't understand pain said something like "moving slow today?" ... I'd just say "yeah, like a snail!" and move along. I personally wouldn't want to jeopardize having my job in today's economy.

 

[nascarmike]

It definitely sucks when you feel your only option is to grin and bear it. Sooooo tired of lying and saying that I feel fine when all I want to do is scream. Hope this helps knowing that you are not alone in this and "WE" get it. Good luck.

 

[beaddot]

Ok, I finally sat down with my boss and laid out everything. He was very shocked and also concerned. He assured me that my health came first and he had no problem going to my dr appt's, tests etc. He even said that if I did have to take time off I could work from home. It was very reassuring. He actually thought I was mad at him because I always had a ugly look on my face and he thought it was him. I told him, it was the pain. Guess I worried myself for nothing

 

[Brismom]

You beat yourself up beaddot...isn't that what we do!? Ha. We are hard on ourselves because we want to do a good job and we don't want others to judge us and we know that if we weren't sick all the time, we would be capable of so much more! Im so glad your boss was cool about it! That takes a load off for sure!

 

[tracy45]

Good for you Beaddot! I am very happy for you. Your boss sounds like one of the good ones. Now you can stop that worry and concentrate on yourself. Hope you are feeling better too.

 

[Trellum]

thanks for the reply hansenlaw and trellum. it was the same way with my older sister. she was always grouchy and in a bad mood. I found out a few years ago that she was in pain. we are now best friends and use each other for support.

I guess by showing the pain, if I have to take time off he will know and not be thinking that I just want time off to go play..

Hi there I hope things are better for you! Glad to hear you and your sister are getting along way better, amazing how things change once you get to experience what the other is feeling :shock: It can really change the things! I must admit that I also felt closer to my sister after experiencing this kind of pain in my own skin. Sooo glad you have your sister to offer you support

Best of luck with your boss, he sounds like a tough person! I hope he believes you soon, sadly having fibro put you in a spot with a lot ambiguity... since many doctors don't even believe it's real Same with some folks

 

[jmb0324]

It's unfortunate that there are still many people that look at Fibro the same way your boss does. Some even think it's just a made up condition when the doctor doesn't know what is wrong with you. You shouldn't have to hide your pain, you don't get paid enough to do that, no one does! There are days where I have a migraine and I could just flat-out DIE, but still, some people think migraines are "just a headache."
There will always be "those people" and you should not have to live with the pain bottled up inside just to keep them happy.