How to deal with grief while having fibro?

WinnieBlue

Member
Joined
Jul 1, 2020
Messages
12
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
06/2020
Country
US
State
IN
This last Saturday the 29th my grandpa passed away. The first two days my natural response to stress was nowhere to be found. I was unusually starving, maybe from running around town and doing stuff. Instead of tired like usually I was wired. I didnt nap and couldnt sleep at night. Then Monday and Tuesday i started to flip the other way. My body got so weak and sore. Everything on me hurts, muscles I didnt even know hurt. The muscles that i feel pain in usually are so bad im in tears from the pain. My stomach pain after eating hurts so bad. I am now so tired that im sleeping 4-5 hours through the day, going to bed 2 hrs earlier than usual and sleeping for 10 hrs. I feel so tired and not just fatigued like usual but actually worn out, cant keep my eyes open. Most the times im fallling asleep its on accident. I had my depression under control but now its spiraled again along with stress. My brain fog has me spacing out and staring at walls for minutes at a time or stuttering really bad when i try to talk. Worse of all, stress makes me lose my appetite and i stay sick to my stomach. I have been losing weight and im already skin and bones but i dont want to eat. Even my favorite foods sound disgusting. Idk how to deal with grief ontop of everything i already deal with on a daily basis and I dont have anyone to help me or take care of me, infact ive been having to help and take care of others right now. Has anyone been through this and do you have advice. Im sincerely worried im going to physically and mentally break. And i feel so overwhelmed knowing i gotta take care of myself
 

chillax316

Member
Joined
May 7, 2021
Messages
10
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
04/2021
Country
US
Hi WinnieBlue, So sorry for your loss. Condolences to you and your loved ones. When my Dad made his heavenly departure last year, I attended a group called GriefShare. It was helpful and I would recommend it. Just google it and look for one near you. Wishing you strength, comfort and peace. Hugs
 

Jemima

Very helpful member
Joined
Jul 30, 2020
Messages
508
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
11/2019
Country
PT
I'm so sorry, WinnieBlue,

It sounds like you're having a very strong stress response to your grief, which is so understandable given everything you've already been going through. You must be incredibly sad, and feeling like you just can't catch your breath.

I know the idea that you have to take care of yourself feels like way too much right now, but truly I believe that you can do this. You are going to find ways to help yourself get through this awful period, and all the pain and suffering you are experiencing now will not remain as intense as in this moment.

I can also understand your worry about your ability to eat, and your weight loss. I suggest for as long as your digestive system is so unhappy you might try looking for nutritional things that you can drink, like powdered protein shakes, gainer shakes, fruit juice, or even sports drinks if it helps you get a little bit of energy and nutrients into your system. You're totally right - you need some energy right now.

I haven't experienced the loss of a really close person since my fibro peaked, but have lost several close loved ones in the past, and can only imagine how this must be stacking up on you For your pain, if I was where you are, I'd try to find anything I could do to activate my parasympathetic nervous system. So, don't beat yourself up for sleeping more - that's totally ok - but while you're lying in bed, start doing some breathing exercises, listen to some binaural relaxation music, try visualizations (picture yourself somewhere calm and safe) and perhaps try something akin to transcendental meditation (pick a random word or sound that feels soothing, and repeat it over and over, in your head or out loud)

I know that all sounds kinda out there, but when your stress/survival system (sympathetic nervous system) is activated, it's going to trigger pain and mess with your digestion as it diverts resources to fight, flight, or freeze. All sorts of different relaxation techniques have been shown to help you switch over to the parasympathetic nervous system - the opposing system within your body that allows you to rest, repair, and digest. I hope that makes sense. A lot of us spend waaay too much time hanging out with our sympathetic nervous systems, but we can help to change that.

From what I remember about your last posts, I recall that you haven't found much help from doctors, but I hope that if your struggle continues you manage to find new avenues of support. Chillax316's suggestion of a support group for grief might be a good idea to explore - please don't struggle alone. Talking to someone about grief can make a huge difference, and it sounds like you're carrying a lot. Remember, even if you are trying to be so strong and caring for others, you are still allowed to express your sadness. I wish I could give you a hug, and hope you start to feel better soon.
 

Carolyn Rhodes

Active member
Joined
Nov 27, 2019
Messages
43
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
07/2017
Country
US
State
VA
Hi WinnieBlue,
I'm in a similar situation, my mom is terminal with lung and colon cancer and on top of that she has Alzheimer's. My stress level has caused depression, gastritis, and has completely turned around my sleep pattern. I've gone from not sleeping to wanting to sleep all the time and the worn out feeling is constant. My emotions are a roller coaster that I want to get off of!
I deeply sympathize with you and I send my heart felt condolences on your loss. FM is hard enough to deal with but throw in a major stress factor and it just wrecks us. I agree with Jemima about protein/nutritional shakes, you must take care of yourself. Take slow steps, breathe, and start with small meals. Maybe journaling will help, writing will help get your feelings out. I pray, and fortunately have a supportive hubby and close friend to talk too. Find what works for you. It might not seem like it but things will improve.... Hugs
 

WinnieBlue

Member
Joined
Jul 1, 2020
Messages
12
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
06/2020
Country
US
State
IN
Thank you everyone for your support.

Im sorry about your mama, Carolyn. She is in my prayers.

Now that everything has been settled with my grandpa, his memorial was Saturday, my schedule has gone back to normal. I havent been sleeping as much. Ive been back to cleaning and Im eating a little more. Instead of sticking with my habitual eating habits Ive been listening to my body to see what it wants. Its been wanting peanut butter and lots of water so I appease it with pb sandwiches for breakfast.

I started writing again. I havent been inspired since my fibro set in but this incident left so many emotions boiling over that I began writing a lot of the thoughts down and that gave birth to a book idea Ive been working on.

I also started candy making as a new hobby. I find it relaxing and rewarding while also keeping me on my feet for a bit throughout the day so I dont stay in bed too much.

My depression hasnt gotten better. I still cry at night and I try not to think about my grandpa because whenever I do I get so overehelmed with fear and grief. I know avoidance isnt healthy but its all i know to do to handle things right now.
 

femfatigued

Member
Joined
May 9, 2021
Messages
25
Reason
Undiagnosed
Diagnosis
00/0000
Country
US
State
FL
I am sorry to hear about your grandfather. I have not officially been diagnosed with fibromyalgia, but I am pretty sure I have it. I am going through something similar as you.

My mom passed in February and I just keep going downhill. I've missed so much work I can't believe they haven't fired me yet, so there's that stress also. I have a very large Catholic family so everyone is grieving, but I don't believe anyone else in my family suffers from depression/anxiety.

Last year I was diagnosed with vestibular migraines and bppv (positional vertigo). I went to the ENT and they put the crystals back in the right place and the vertigo is better, but I do have dizziness pretty regularly. I was already missing a lot of work before being diagnosed and it has only gotten worse. I have had a lot of weird stuff happen in the time before I was diagnosed and after. It's a lot to deal with. I have constant tingling in most of my body, but I think the tingling in my legs bothers me most. I have sound and light sensitivity and have developed TMJ. I sleep ALL the time.

I have no desire to go to work, but my family is constantly on me about missing work. They don't understand and therefore, I have almost no support with what I am going through. My family just thinks I am a hypochondriac and that I need to snap out of it, so I just don't even tell them anymore. I am petrified what they will all say when I lose my job.

I have recently started going to a shrink to get help and so I've tried several medicines and the side effects are whipping me. I know that it will be best for me to file for disability, but my family will have a field day with that. I also won't be able to afford going to the shrink anymore or be able to buy meds for all my conditions if I lose my job, but I just don't see any other option since it is hard for me to get out of bed.

The only thing that might save me is the fact that my mom left money to all of us. I know it can take forever to get approved for disability. I've done the math and if I can get approved in 3 years or less, I would have enough money to live on while waiting to get approved. Then with back pay, I would have money to fall back on because the amount I would get supposed is $1,374 a month. I am pretty frugal, so that would be hard, but I think I could make it work.

I've heard having multiple conditions make it easier to get approved, but there has to be lots of documentation from lots of doctors. Getting all that info will be stressful on top of the already stressful situation I am in. I feel your pain. It makes me feel like there is little hope.

I wish you all the best and just wanted to let you know that you are not alone and we are here for you.
 

sunkacola

Very helpful member
Joined
Dec 2, 2016
Messages
1,508
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
00/0000
Country
Uni
State
Somewhere
I am sorry to hear about your grandfather. I have not officially been diagnosed with fibromyalgia, but I am pretty sure I have it. I am going through something similar as you.

My mom passed in February and I just keep going downhill. I've missed so much work I can't believe they haven't fired me yet, so there's that stress also. I have a very large Catholic family so everyone is grieving, but I don't believe anyone else in my family suffers from depression/anxiety.

Last year I was diagnosed with vestibular migraines and bppv (positional vertigo). I went to the ENT and they put the crystals back in the right place and the vertigo is better, but I do have dizziness pretty regularly. I was already missing a lot of work before being diagnosed and it has only gotten worse. I have had a lot of weird stuff happen in the time before I was diagnosed and after. It's a lot to deal with. I have constant tingling in most of my body, but I think the tingling in my legs bothers me most. I have sound and light sensitivity and have developed TMJ. I sleep ALL the time.

I have no desire to go to work, but my family is constantly on me about missing work. They don't understand and therefore, I have almost no support with what I am going through. My family just thinks I am a hypochondriac and that I need to snap out of it, so I just don't even tell them anymore. I am petrified what they will all say when I lose my job.

I have recently started going to a shrink to get help and so I've tried several medicines and the side effects are whipping me. I know that it will be best for me to file for disability, but my family will have a field day with that. I also won't be able to afford going to the shrink anymore or be able to buy meds for all my conditions if I lose my job, but I just don't see any other option since it is hard for me to get out of bed.

The only thing that might save me is the fact that my mom left money to all of us. I know it can take forever to get approved for disability. I've done the math and if I can get approved in 3 years or less, I would have enough money to live on while waiting to get approved. Then with back pay, I would have money to fall back on because the amount I would get supposed is $1,374 a month. I am pretty frugal, so that would be hard, but I think I could make it work.

I've heard having multiple conditions make it easier to get approved, but there has to be lots of documentation from lots of doctors. Getting all that info will be stressful on top of the already stressful situation I am in. I feel your pain. It makes me feel like there is little hope.

I wish you all the best and just wanted to let you know that you are not alone and we are here for you.
Just want to say hang in there. I so understand what you go through with people. If there's any way to do it, I would avoid those people as much as possible, If you don't live with them, tell them that they can either be supportive and kind to you or else you don't want to see them at all. Maybe that will jog them into a better mind set, and if it doesn't then you are better off without them. What they say has nothing to do with you or who you are or what you experience. It only has to do with them and their narrow minds and their fear. You don't need to have it in your life.
 

Carolyn Rhodes

Active member
Joined
Nov 27, 2019
Messages
43
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
07/2017
Country
US
State
VA
Hi WinnieBlue,
So glad to hear things are improving. Keep up the good work! Small steps always will work and get you where you wanna be. Continued prayers...
 
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