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qubix

New member
Joined
Jul 18, 2022
Messages
1
Hi everyone,
I was diagnosed nearly 9 years ago with Fibromyalgia. Currently going through a flare. Its hellish but getting through slowly.
I also have one of those partners that tells me to take paracetamol and it will be ok. REALLY THEN YOU TAKE PARACETAMOL THE NEXT TIME A TRUCK HITS YOU. OOOOHHH he gets me angry. No one understands the misery of this condition unless they have it themselves.
 

JayCS

Legendary member
Forum Supporter
Joined
Sep 5, 2020
Messages
2,138
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
02/2020
Country
GE
Hi there qubix, and welcome in to a part of the club you've already been in so long...

Sorry to hear this insensitivity. Fortunately I have the opposite, my wife reads me & sees everything.
If I had a partner insensitive to this, I know I'd quickly take them to a doctor with me, who'll explain it to them, then force feed them with all information leaflets books and/or forum stuff, show them "Pics & Memes that visualize fibromyalgia and other invisible chronic pain illnesses", make sure they know they are causing pain and suffering and inside of 2 months I'd have them with me in a counselling setting or say goodbye.

Might be different pre-fibro and while it's building up, but once it starts influencing your whole life thoroughly they obviously do not love me. That's for me an essential part - recognizing that it's necessary for me to accept my new slow life, my changed body, and I need my old partner to accept and support all or most of my new life.

Hope you get thru the flare soon and got enough coping and alleviating techniques?
 

sweetkamie20

Senior member
Joined
May 16, 2022
Messages
407
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
02/2022
Country
US
Hi everyone,
I was diagnosed nearly 9 years ago with Fibromyalgia. Currently going through a flare. Its hellish but getting through slowly.
I also have one of those partners that tells me to take paracetamol and it will be ok. REALLY THEN YOU TAKE PARACETAMOL THE NEXT TIME A TRUCK HITS YOU. OOOOHHH he gets me angry. No one understands the misery of this condition unless they have it themselves.
It's true! Trying to explain it only gets so far. Sometimes not far enough 😔. In fairness to my husband (and perhaps this applies to your partner), he didn't know how bad I felt nor how often because I didnt tell him until it was sheer misery. On the outside I handled every day about the same (cuz i pretty much always felt some kind of bad) so when I did complain he didn't know I was saying, "I'm being tortured". He was like, oh you don't feel well.

I'm not proud of it but I know there's been a few moments where I wished my husband could feel what I'm feeling for a second so he'd really understand 😳. That's a terrible thought but it's only born out of the human desire to be understood and accepted. Or maybe just a desire to be left alone 😆😬. Hey, If you arent going to believe me, just leave me alone please 😑

I have had to do things I never wanted to (convince someone of my reality) but I realized how much I need him to get it so I literally narrate every time there's a fluctuation, good or bad. When I break out in a cold sweat I put his hand on it. If I got pins and needles, I'd probably grab one and poke him with it and then say imagine 5000 of those non stop. If he still didn't get that, I'd probably poke him 5 times quickly and tell him to multiply it.

Whatever sensation is happenning, I tell him about it. When it changes, I tell him. When I feel better I tell him so that he gets to ride the crazy train with me 🤪 He is starting to see this isn't a headache situation where a little pill resolves it and everything's over. It's a monster that pretends it has left the room but comes back within a few minutes or a few hours. Instead of just me living with the monster, right now he lives with it, too. I will stop doing these things once I think it has set in.

JayCS has some good tips there. I use his method of rating things to communicate how bad I am feeling. Memes, articles written by people with fibro, testimonies, leaflets - a waterfall of those should break through somehow. I wish your partner would just come on here and read stuff!
 

Auriel

Very helpful member
Forum Supporter
Joined
Jun 8, 2021
Messages
950
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
08/2006
Country
UK
State
UK
No one understands the misery of this condition unless they have it themselves.
TRUE, SOOOOO TRUE and paracetamol!!!, may as well have some tic tacs 🙄
 

sunkacola

Moderator
Forum Supporter
Joined
Dec 2, 2016
Messages
2,416
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
00/0000
Country
US
Hi everyone,
I was diagnosed nearly 9 years ago with Fibromyalgia. Currently going through a flare. Its hellish but getting through slowly.
I also have one of those partners that tells me to take paracetamol and it will be ok. REALLY THEN YOU TAKE PARACETAMOL THE NEXT TIME A TRUCK HITS YOU. OOOOHHH he gets me angry. No one understands the misery of this condition unless they have it themselves.
I am sorry your partner is not more understanding. If this is a relatively new thing, then it may take some time for him to accept that things have changed. Most people don't like change unless they choose it for themselves, and I suspect your partner is reacting to that change in you and his trying to minimize it is not directed as an insult to you but more an attempt at denial for what has changed that he doesn't like.

Which doesn't make it any easier for you! Except that, if you can manage to remind yourself that it is not really personal, you can avoid getting so angry. The fact is, getting angry is stressful, and stress will definitely exacerbate your symptoms, so it's best to ignore it. If he doesn't believe you or dismisses it, don't let it get to you....or try hard not to let it get to you. Reacting to him calmly with something like "Your not believing me doesn't make it untrue, but I am not going to argue about it" might work.

If you have not already done so, maybe you can sit down with him and have a long chat in which you tell him in detail all that is going on for you, explain that you understand it is frustrating for him, and ask him how you can help him to accept this change and that it is actually serious, not a headache for which you can take paracetamol. I know you "shouldn't" have to do this, but if you do have to then you do. If he is willing to listen and talk about it, you can make progress this way. If he is not, then you might ask him, very calmly ant not when you are angry, how much he truly cares for you.

At the same time, do whatever you can to help yourself to feel better. I have written a post of valuable suggestions on that, and I recommend you read it and start trying some of the ideas there. Finding out what kind of thing you can do to make it better is very empowering and will help.
 
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