Husband cares for wife of 35 years

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Bruin11

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Jan 31, 2019
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I am new to this forum and it is helpful to seek and learn from experienced ways to cope with a loved one suffering from this insidious disease.
I must say however, it shocked me the general view that husbands, men are incapable of support and kindness to their loved ones. I am sure that some are and the spectrum of support is judged as inadequate by most.
This generalization is harmful and believe not to be the pervasive view of most caregivers. Is it a frustrating role, lonely and change your life from the roots up, you bet. To suggest otherwise is naive.
Chronic illness effects all and have found frequent communication together in specific terms is paramount. This illness manifests itself in unique individual ways in my experience. It is not a straight line or predictable daily. If not addressed as a team it will fail. Not because of generalizations or gender but rather most days are not the same, support needs change and can be anticipated. Once this is understood, the vacuum of mind reading is illuminated and easily addressed together.
i have learned I cannot fix this illness. I cannot change its impact on me. I will not stop learning. She is an active participant.
I am not weak, selfish, stupid or an egomaniac incapable of nurturing because of my gender.
If you cannot communicate you have a much bigger issue than Fibro.
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1sweed

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Feb 4, 2013
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Bruin11,
I am glad you have come to this forum to share your feelings on many issues involving care giving and that a great many men do that loving role every day in a quiet way and feel somehow that their role in doing this is not noticed. But in the greater scheme of things men and women, do this job without fluff and fan-fair daily with no rewards. I have known many men who have lovingly cared for their girl friends and wife's, and parents day in and day out, wearing themselves out but not quitting even when the going gets rough because they love so much it is impossible to hand over the reins to someone else.
Something tells me your that kind of man and your wife should be thanking her lucky stars to have you in her corner.

Lots of members are not as lucky. They are treated badly and not believed. Family and friends often give up trying to understand this illness that has so few proof markers and so it is easier to think that person lazy or making things up then to just have faith and understanding of this condition.

However, on this forum we do stand up for all members and give them that hearty pat on the back that says thanks for a job well done and we all are proud of you for being one of the good guys!
 
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