Suekri01
New member
- Joined
- Jan 6, 2025
- Messages
- 7
- Reason
- DX FIBRO
- Diagnosis
- 01/2011
- Country
- US
- State
- NM
I am having a new symptom as well as worsening pain and exhaustion. I am taking melatonin at doctor-prescribed levels for my horrible daily headaches (no one can diagnose them, and I've tried all the migraine treatments so far) and Trazadone which allows me to sleep. That's a small mercy for now, but I know from past experience that I develop a tolerance to it.
My problem now is that I feel as if I'm going crazy. I mean literally, not my usual deppression, anxiety and possibly bipolar (diagreements on that between docs.) I snap all the time, swear like a sailor if even the slightest thing goes wrong, have zero patience, even dropping something can set me off. I yell at my husband though he does SO MUCH for me. I make him suffer, too. I am in a state of rage all the time. About every other day I think seriously of killing myself because between this "new" brain problem and the constant fibro pain and severe back pain (I still have to do some things around the house and even taking a shower makes it worse.) I was a novelist for 20 years and now I can't remember where the keys are on the keyboard and am constantly misspelling things. As I said, the smallest things make me blow up or start to cry (I never cry) and scream, literally, and it was not this way even a month ago.
I think it's separate from the pain, but the pain certainly doesn't help. I don't trust my hospital related psychiatrist even though there are none taking new patients or Medicare in Albuquerque. (I haven't been to the hospital for this, only got my psych. through it.)I only trust my PCP who takes me seriously enough that he's doing a televisit with me Memorial Day morning!
I just can't go on with both the severe mental "decline" and the constant pain. It's more than I can handle and I don't want to look forward to this for the rest of my life, though since I'm 66 who knows how much longer that will be. I think I am getting dementia since my personality changes over the past few weeks are so extreme. My poor husband. Tomorrow I will talk to my doc and explain this all over again, including my increasing desire to end my life.
My problem now is that I feel as if I'm going crazy. I mean literally, not my usual deppression, anxiety and possibly bipolar (diagreements on that between docs.) I snap all the time, swear like a sailor if even the slightest thing goes wrong, have zero patience, even dropping something can set me off. I yell at my husband though he does SO MUCH for me. I make him suffer, too. I am in a state of rage all the time. About every other day I think seriously of killing myself because between this "new" brain problem and the constant fibro pain and severe back pain (I still have to do some things around the house and even taking a shower makes it worse.) I was a novelist for 20 years and now I can't remember where the keys are on the keyboard and am constantly misspelling things. As I said, the smallest things make me blow up or start to cry (I never cry) and scream, literally, and it was not this way even a month ago.
I think it's separate from the pain, but the pain certainly doesn't help. I don't trust my hospital related psychiatrist even though there are none taking new patients or Medicare in Albuquerque. (I haven't been to the hospital for this, only got my psych. through it.)I only trust my PCP who takes me seriously enough that he's doing a televisit with me Memorial Day morning!
I just can't go on with both the severe mental "decline" and the constant pain. It's more than I can handle and I don't want to look forward to this for the rest of my life, though since I'm 66 who knows how much longer that will be. I think I am getting dementia since my personality changes over the past few weeks are so extreme. My poor husband. Tomorrow I will talk to my doc and explain this all over again, including my increasing desire to end my life.