I can't seem to do anything. I have no support.

[CatherineTheGreat]

So where to begin? I've kind of been stuck in place for a while. Try as I might, I can't seem to get the ball rolling on anything. I don't seem to have anything more than the bare minimum of support of anyone I know, be it family or the few friends I have remaining. The few friends I still have I can't count on for anything. Not to show up to things when we plan. Certainly not for anything above and beyond that, like helping me with, well, anything.

One of my sisters is struggling with what I can only assume is some kind of paranoid anxiety disorder and has branded me as some kind of threat to her existence. She's spouting vicious lies about me to anyone who will listen, which just happens to include about a dozen mutual (former) friends. On the occasions when she deigns to speak to me it's to tell me that she's going to "beat me up" and "break my computer," and to tell me that I'm "weak." Though, if I try to speak one word to her, be it about our pets or the weather or where our our parents are, she'll scream bloody murder. My other sister is too interested in staying on good terms with their social group to defend me and too busy juggling her toxic on-again off-again boyfriends (who have a tendency to go out of there way to insult me) to pay any interest to helping me with -again- anything.

My parents aren't a whole lot of help, either. While they go to great lengths to support my sisters, they've done very little for nearly a year to help me in just about any capacity besides giving me food and a roof. Both of my sisters have cars paid for -gas and all- by my parents. Both have totaled at least one car previously. I've never owned a car. One is going to an expensive private university and the other is at a trade school, both paid predominantly by my parents. When I went to college I had to pay for my own books and tuition. (Which was fortunately free, due to academic achievement.) They're given money for social events with their friends, like movies, restaurants, or alcohol for parties. If I want to see a movie with a friend on the rare occasions when I'm well enough to leave the house then I have to ask my friend to pay for me. (Which, again, generally means I'm not going to see a movie.) These disparities couldn't be due to age or seniority because we're triplets. These factors are pretty soul crushing since I'm not even capable of working due to illness. They'll tell me if I want money that I need to go get disability, but they won't drive me to the DSHS or my local SSO so I can apply.

I've posted before that I've all but given up treating my fibro, and that I'm quite fine with that decision. I still am. However, for nearly a year I've been trying to treat unrelated illnesses and conditions. My jaw is so ****ed up that eating solids or brushing my teeth is as grueling as chewing rocks. My parents won't take me to the dentist, even though I have insurance. I have various lumps that should probably be inspected for cancer, but they won't take me to see a doctor. I had ongoing treatment for something very important I'd prefer not to discuss, but haven't received treatment in over a year because they won't take me to a doctor. And to put things in perspective, yesterday my paranoid sister had a moderate sunburn, and threw a fit, so my parents took her to the emergency department. You read that right, the ER, for a sunburn. That sends the signal to me that if I want something I have to literally throw a temper tantrum. I don't want to throw a temper tantrum. Even if I did I'm skeptical that yet another double standard wouldn't be applied.

I love my father deeply, and he tries to help me sometimes, but at every turn my mother undercuts him, and he isn't willing to cross her decisions. He'll say encouraging things and make promises privately, but if my mom finds out and disagrees he'll back down. I cannot for the life of me understand why. I'm largely responsible for cooking for myself, which means I eat infrequently and unhealthily. I'm largely responsible for maintaining a couple spaces in the house which is painful and takes up a lot of my energy. The result is I live in a mess, and can barely find the capacity to groom myself.

I'm terrified to speak up about any of this to anyone because my parents have already kicked me out before. About a year ago my parents kicked me out because of the aforementioned vicious lies. I ended up moving across the country to a friend, and spending the couple thousand dollars I'd saved up from before fibro trying to make things work. It was only when I was so sick I couldn't stand, so sick I couldn't eat without vomiting, when I was literally dying, begging for my life on the other side of the continent that my parents let me come home. I've spent the last several months healing my body from all of that. My parents are aware of what's going on with my sister but seem unwilling or unable to do anything about it.

To preempt the disbelief I think you might have to what to many must seem like an incredulous story, my therapist (who, shocker, they don't take me to anymore) assured me, after interacting with my parents, that I'm quite sane and it's many of the people around me who are "crazy." So, unless I made that up too, I'm pretty sure what I've said is accurate.

So anyway, if you're wondering why I'm kind of misanthropic, these are just a few reasons why.

 

[sunkacola]

Catherine, clearly you are in an untenable situation.
I feel for you so much, and wish I could help.
But......
The only thing that is going to improve your life, as far as I can see, is to get yourself OUT of that household and away from those toxic people.
You cannot change them, obviously. And you cannot change the situation you are in or your life if you stay in that household.

If you have any money left, hoard it. You are going to need it. Ask your therapist for advice on getting out of the house you are in. there are subsidized housing programs. There are temporary housing situations. There are programs that help people with disabilities to train for work and find housing. Start asking questions and making phone calls. Everyone who says they don't know what to tell you, ask them who else they think you might call, then call them. Don't take No for an answer, call another person. Write emails to people explaining your situation briefly and unemotionally. don't go into details about how your sisters are treated better than you are, just state that you need medical attention and have no way to get there.

There are programs that provide free or very low cost transportation to doctor's appointments to low or no-income people who have health issues. Find the one in your area and call them

Write down a synopsis of what you have written above. Make is short and simple and unemotional. State only facts. Include your diagnoses. Use this each time that you call or email someone. Be sure always to be polite, unassuming, soft-spoken, and dignified. Unemotional, but very, very persistent. This WILL eventually bring about positive results for you, if you do it.

I have been in some tough situations. My experience has shown me over and over that the only person I can truly count on is myself. And there is always a way around, out, through, over, the obstacle. But most of the time you have to find it yourself. The good news is that these days we have the internet. You can do research online from your bed in a matter of hours that would have taken months and a lot of running around before the internet. Use it. Then use it some more.

No one can do this for you. I know how hard it is. But even if you spend 15 minutes a day online trying to find a solution, make one phone call, and call it a day because you are exhausted, that will be a start. Then start again the next day. Don't give up.

 

[Maria22]

I totally agree with Sunkacola you need to work on getting out.
Even little steps towards that goal will add up!
Take good care of You !

 

[medicmurphy]

Is there a way you can take yourself to the various Dr appt you need? This can be a start in getting a handle on some of your health problems. Perhaps book a taxi? You can't change the people around you but a start can be taking control of YOUR life. The Fibro, as you say is only a part of your health concerns. A big part of these appt is health insurance. Since you are covered then make the appt and attend them. Fix what you can fix. Sadly, from what you say, your parents and sisters are unsupportive. Buy YOU can make the difference for yourself. If you can't eat because of teeth and jaw problems along with suspicious lumps then make the first step and phone for an apt. You may be surprised at how self empowered you feel by taking control of your life. Keep us posted

 

[CatherineTheGreat]

I have no money for a taxi and the closest bus stop is in the next town over.

 

[diamond]

I dont like hearing of someone in such a terrible situation..its almost too hard for me to understand how parents could be so unsupportive especially now i see how far a bus stop is and no money for Taxis....not that a bus is a very good option when your fibro is as severe as i know yours is.

I so hope some of the previous advice helps. If there is one friend of family member elsewhere who would help you please ask...they can only say no.

Im not sure how old you are Catherine....you sound young and sunkacola seems to know a lot about the kind of assistance available which is great.

I truly hope you can move things forward somehow for yourself.

May i just ask..have you ever had a frank but calm conversation with your parents especially your mom over some of these issues? Or could you see a family councillor first and then ask your parents along later so the councillor could be neutral but also on your side so to speak....so that you are actually 'heard' by your parents.

I know in US you have to pay but is there a possibility of help in anyway through a church or other charitable group.

I wish i had more ideas..take care and come here anytime x

 

[sunkacola]

Catherine, have you checked into the possibility of a free or low cost shuttle system, or rides for people with little or no money? I am sure that Burlington is a large enough city that there would be something available.

The thing you have to do, as I and others are saying, is take action.

Start making phone calls. Start with your insurance company, if you don't know where else to call.
Call Social Services.

Even call your doctor's and dentist's offices!

Tell them you need to come in but don't know how to get there and ask them if they know of something that would help. I bet you that they will know.
Go online, and type in "free rides to doctor", and other things like that.

There are volunteer groups who help people like you all over the place.

BUT, they won't come and find you. They don't go knocking on doors asking if someone needs help. YOU have to do the research to find them. If you try, you will find the help you need. But YOU have to take the first steps.

Make a phone call today. Then come back here and tell us, so that we can cheer you for making the call, and tell us what they said. Then we will do our best to help.

 

[sunkacola]

CATHERINE:

here is something to get you started, OK?

Call or go online to VERMONT DIAL-A-RIDE. Call them at 802-388-2287. Tell them your situation and ask if you are eligible.
They provide free rides to doctor's appointments.

They will also be a source of more information that can help you.

I found this in about 30 seconds online just by typing in "Need ride to doctor Burlington VT"

You will find more if you get started on it.

 

[medicmurphy]

I'm also wondering if you can apply for disability on line?

 

[CatherineTheGreat]

Thanks for trying to help sunkacola. It seems you accidentally read where Maria is from. I'm not from Vermont. I'm from a tiny town far outside of Seattle. I'm looking into a few things I can let you guys know how it goes.

EDIT: My county has a doctor transportation service but I have to already have disability.

 

[CatherineTheGreat]

Also the main problem with applying online is that I still have to have an interview and at best most correspondence will be done by mail and by phone. The last time I applied I'm pretty sure everything fell through because my parents hid the mail and didn't tell me about phone calls. I don't have any evidence of that but the guy at the DSHS said that he reached my house by mail and phone but I never received anything.

 

[diamond]

Dear Catherine this treatment by your parents over calls and mail is in my opinion a form of abuse. Please dont give up....apply again for disability... get social services on your side...tell them about people possibly blocking your calls and mail without making an accusation that might cause more family grief.

You must fall into some sort of 'vulnerable persons' category. Sunkacola is right though hard as it is the only person that can push through and make changes is yourself.

Tell the disability people you can only communicate online.....there is skype and all sorts..THERE MUST BE A WAY. I say this to encourage you as you need people backing you to replace what your parents aren't able to give...worse still they seem to be blocking you.

 

[sunkacola]

Thanks for trying to help sunkacola. It seems you accidentally read where Maria is from. I'm not from Vermont. I'm from a tiny town far outside of Seattle. I'm looking into a few things I can let you guys know how it goes.

EDIT: My county has a doctor transportation service but I have to already have disability.

Oh, gee, you are right.
Sorry about that.

Good for you for making those calls!! I am proud of you.

If the first place you call won't do anything for you until you have disability status, then I suggest you call them again and ask them 2 things: 1) Is there another program that might help you get to a doctor's appointment? 2) Is there a program that might help you to apply for disability?

Also, call the doctor's office, explain your situation, and ask them if there's anything they know of that would help. You gotta be really persistent.

Perhaps the other for you to do is to put effort into applying for disability.

 

[sunkacola]

Here is a thought about the mail and phone thing. Talk directly to someone at DSHS. Tell them that you suspect that your mail went astray and phone calls were not mentioned to you. Try to do this is a way that doesn't sound accusatory, or they might think you are a paranoid. Just say that your home is very chaotic, and these things happen a lot.

So, you explain, you need to have emails instead of snail mails. And, you need to have a loose time frame within which someone will call you. So, say, they tell you they will call within 10 days. Explain to them that if 7 days goes by and you have not heard from them, you will call back again, to make sure you don't miss a window of replying. Make sure you are talking, if possible, to the same person each time, so that you can build a relationship with that person.

If they absolutely have to mail you something, ask them to send it to a neighbor or friend with whom you have made an arrangement to get a few pieces of mail at their house. But I bet that 98% of it can be done through email these days.