I Don't Think I will be Able to Get Through This....

cgmo

New member
Joined
Sep 12, 2020
Messages
1
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
3/2020
Country
US
State
CA
I am having a very difficult time right now. During COVID i was furloughed from my part-time job and haven't been able to go back since I have underlying issues. I finally found a job that I thought I would be able to handle because there isn't a lot of movement. I am now 3 days into my job and I am already in so much pain. I feel like every inch of the lower half of my body is just going to explode I'm in so much pain. I can't go up and downstairs, I can sit for long periods of time and I am in constant pain all day. I just don't know if i am every going to have a normal life or do anything normal. My entire life up this point I have been sick. I have never dated and I am scared I am going to be living with my parents forever and never be able to have a life. Who is going to want to be with someone who can't do anything? I don't usually have breakdowns like this. I don't have anybody to go to as my parents need me to help them.
 

JayCS

Active member
Joined
Sep 5, 2020
Messages
89
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
02/2020
Country
GE
I am now 3 days into my job and I am already in so much pain.
I can sit for long periods of time and I am in constant pain all day.
I just don't know if i am every going to have a normal life or do anything normal.
My entire life up this point I have been sick.
I have never dated and I am scared I am going to be living with my parents forever and never be able to have a life. Who is going to want to be with someone who can't do anything?
I don't have anybody to go to as my parents need me to help them.
Hi cgmo, I've had pain all my life, but I'm also blessed with the energy to get to grips with it.
I've never been 'normal', but that's me anyway.
I've always been together with women who weren't 'normal' either (traumatized etc.), which wasn't easy, but I need it that way, partly at least. I've at last learnt not to be co-dependent in that and have always made the most of it, and of life in general. My wife isn't coping very well with my fibro at the mo, so I'm trying to communicate more clearly how & when I'm OK, when I'm coping well etc. I need more help on this, tho. She was talking about it to her counselor, but unfortunately she's stopped. I always suggest she should do more things with others, like going on holiday, with her friends, my friends, mutual friends.
I don't know whether I'll be able to go back to work in Nov after 10 months, but if not, I'll be happy. Not sure if she will, but she's happy I want to try.
Can you or can you not sit for long periods of time? I've never been able to, so I've always needed jobs where I can stand and move around whenever I want.
Your parents need you to help them?! You don't have anybody to go to?! Sounds like you're unhealthily trapped in co-dependency here, would you like to unfold on that? That may be the key or the starting point to "get a life"...
 

Affinity

Active member
Joined
Sep 9, 2020
Messages
72
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
05/2014
Country
US
State
TX
I am so sorry you are feeling this way, and I agree with Jay, but I also want to say that it sounds like you are letting your anxieties run away with you here. Not feeling good today is turning into never ever finding love and I hope you can see that extreme exaggeration, and also how harmful a thought pattern that is because it tells you that your pain makes you unlovable and that cannot be true! I recognize and sympathize with the fear, but the first step is to figure out how to manage things today and then trust as you figure out some small steps forward you will figure out some of these bigger fears, as well. I do the same thing, when I feel awful I think that my only choices are similarly extreme and I feel just as hopeless. But I have learned that part of proper self-care is to recognize that feeling and compassionately try to navigate a path out of that feeling. Once I am in a better head space I can better deal with the physical constraints and issues. Maybe you will need to leave this new job, or maybe you can find a way to adapt to it, but there will be a solution for you. I believe you can find a solution! Maybe you need to talk to your parents and explain why you need their support or that you cannot help them as much as you wish you could. But one step at a time can lead you out of the darkness.
 

sunkacola

Very helpful member
Joined
Dec 2, 2016
Messages
734
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
00/0000
Country
Uni
State
Somewhere
I have never dated and I am scared I am going to be living with my parents forever and never be able to have a life. Who is going to want to be with someone who can't do anything? I don't usually have breakdowns like this. I don't have anybody to go to as my parents need me to help them.
Hi cgmo-----

I completely sympathize with your situation and understand your frustration. This sucks. Fibromyalgia sucks. Covid-19 sucks. This whole year of 2020 sucks. I am sorry you are going through this.
BUT
You absolutely cannot permit this to ruin your life, and unfortunately only you can make that difference. I know how hard it is, as I have been there. But all the energy you put into worrying about the future is wasted, because you never know what it coming next or if it will be better, worse, or neither. Don't spend your precious energy that way. Worrying is never, ever productive. It is always harmful and when you have a chronic medical condition it only makes it worse.

Put your energy instead into dealing the best you can with today...the present moment. Do what you can today to help yourself have a better today and let tomorrow take care of itself.
I strongly encourage you to read my post on "Advice for managing fibromyalgia - especially for newcomers". In it I detail a lot of things that you can do right now that will start to make things better. I have done, and still do, all of them. I didn't think I could do it at first, and resisted when a doctor told me I should. but once I started, my life started getting better. I still have fibro. I still have terrible pain at times, and underlying pain a lot of the time, but the pain is less than it was and bad days are a lot less frequent. I still can't do everything I want to do. but I don't suffer mentally as much for it and that makes a huge difference.

As for "no one will want me" that's just BS. People fall in love with people who have disabilities all the time. There are disabilities worse than yours, and people who have very supportive partners. You may find one or may not, who knows. But again, it is a waste of your energy to go around worrying about it. The better you manage your fibromyalgia yourself and the more positively you can deal with it, the more likely you are to find someone who wants to be with you. The courage it takes to live a good life when you have chronic pain is something that many people find beautiful. Take care of yourself. Hang in there.
 
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