i had a melt-down!

[twiztc]

Since all the stupid weather and Christmas stress started the weekend before Christmas I have not been in a good way at all. I know i occasionally have flare-ups but this was the mother of them all and it still is with me.
I'm normally a very mild mannered person, yes things piss me off but i very rarely act on those things. I took me 40 years just to learn to say no to people and stand up for myself.
My arms have now become very affected by what i can only guess at this point by the fibro. its got so bad i cant even use my stapler at work! that's how i was yesterday, trying to staple all my papers together and struggling so much i was holding back tears most of the day. then there was the constant dropping things, i just couldn't seem to hold on to anything yesterday. I covered my discomfort all the while I was at work.
Monday is usually a workout day for me but i felt so depressed and deflated i just got straight into my pajamas as soon as we got home.
then came time for me to prepare my dinner. just a simple stir-fry from some leftover pork. i cut a small onion in half and as i held one half it just fell from my hand rolling along the floor. i managed to pick it up and suddenly saw red, it was just the last straw. I threw the offending object with all my might down the hallway hoping the force would shatter the wall to show the way I feel shattered. I was overcome with so many emotions in that single moment, betrayal, shame, guilt, anger, frustration, I just wanted the floor to open up and swallow me.
When it was over I felt so exhausted and embarrassed and just plain stupid.

thanks for listening

 

[Trellum]

Hello there! It sounds like you had a really difficult day, so sorry to hear that I also have a lot issues with my hands and I know what is like. I really hope you feel much better now you had the chance to vent over here. But please, don't feel ashamed of yourself! Having a melt down like this one is rather common, I had one some weeks ago and it wasn't pretty at all.

Think of it like this: it's a way to cope and deal with all the frustration that builds up inside of us. There are times I get so angry! So angry things aren't working as expected (health-wise) and other things that overwhelm me. Don't worry, we are here to listen to you

 

[1sweed]

Oh twiztc, I know that feeling and just how dropping things can cause one to lose control. I went through a tough time about five years ago when my medications were causing me to drop things and fall on my butt constantly. I was having dizzy spells and trouble speaking, but some of it was caused by all the stress I was under trying to please other people.

Well, things got better after a change in meds and a move to a different state, but what I am trying to say is putting on the pj's and heading for bed is a good start toward feeling better. Lay around and stay snug and warm, and try to rest as much as possible. I am sure this very cold weather is not making your muscles work well. But learning to say no is a great stress reliever as well.

Hope you feel better soon and the new year is a happier one for you.

 

[nascarmike]

Vent away. I had hand issues myself the other day. Remember we are here for you.

 

[JennyRhae]

I hate dropping things. I usually drop my keys at least once getting in and out of my apartment. One day I dropped them 5 times leaving the house! So frustrating! I used to be a quick-reflexed, agile person who could keep a coherent thought in my head and speak without sounding like I am mentally ill. That person has been replaced with this clumsy, fog-brained lummox and I hate it. But, when those times hit that I can't speak--today I tried to start a sentence and could only say I, I, I, I--or my hands aren't cooperating, I stop what I am doing, take a deep breath and start over. It's one way I manage not to tear my hair out. Hope that helps and it's good to know I am not the only one who rages occasionally. Honestly, I prefer the anger. Otherwise, I might start crying and never stop. You can sink your teeth into anger, blow off your steam and then move forward. Ever forward.

 

[twiztc]

i'm ok now. thanks all
yeh i got fed up with dropping my house keys. i have adapted my handbag so my house keys are permanently attached to it on a long chain. i have attached hoops to quick clip car keys so the only time they are not attached to my bag is when they are in the ignition. I have had to stop using a wallet. I have a change purse clipped into my bag and its a good bag that has a wallet type section inside it, that way i dont drop it or even leave my wallet on shop counters or the boot of my car (i've done that a few times) I have had to adapt my way of thinking so much because of my stupid fuzzy head or the bad hand eye coordination