I used to pray God would come get me

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Eyesup

Senior member
Joined
Dec 11, 2015
Messages
376
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
12/2015
Country
US
State
FL
I used to sit in pain cry and begging God to come get me. Then I finally got diagnosed. And it seemed the meds. We're starting to work. Slowly I went backwards. We changed meds, severe negative response, changed meds again had just started to see a slight improvement and my 18 year old son started acting crazy, he first told us someone had slipped him some acid, my husband insisted he would be ok when he got it out of his system. Three days later nuts again, he agreed he needed rehab, while waiting for the facility to verify eligibility and space he was psychotic, aggressive and parinoid, searching me out and picking fights (no answer I give is right) I hid in the bathroom and stood out side the door. My husband at work. Already in severe pain I reached a level I never new possible. I couldn't lift my phone to answer a call. Trapped. Scared and I went from begging god to come get me to bring angry at everyone that ever told me there was a God. It has crushed me. I don't know if I will ever recover from all this. I'm typing blindly as I still can't quit crying and even if I could I cant see anyway! Does it ever get better? I haven't had a decent day in 4 months
 
Oh Eyesup my heart goes out to you. Stress at this kind of level is terrible for a healthy person but for you with fibro i know from my own experience can have a catastrophic impact.

For whatever reason emotional pressures and upset seem to send our pain through the roof. You must be reeling with emotions over it all ....your health... your son.

I am thinking of you and hoping things start to calm and that in time you can get some relief going.

Let us know how you are doing when you are able. x hugs x
 
Willow thank you so much for your kind words it means more then you will ever know. I am doing better today. I broke out an ionic detox machine yesterday it's been ammazing (I plan to post in alternative treatments on it) that along with finelly falling asleap I think has helped the most. Not sure why I shared my situation with my son or my break down with faith, I guess it was part of the scheme of it. Physical pain has definitely weakened me emotionally. (That has been humbling).
Sorry to be long winded.
I've read post in this catagory hoping to give words of encouragement, and you did just that for me. Bless you. And to anyone reading may there be something in this nightmare I've shared, or in Willows kind gesture that blesses you too.
 
Eyesup,

So glad you are doing better! No one can hurt us like our children. No wonder your pain levels were off the charts! Hope your son is getting help and you are in a much calmer, less painful "place".
 
Oh my! Insist on professional help for your Son! It doesn't mean you failed as a parent, because your son is on drugs. But the longer he stays around, the longer you will decline. Be safe, Please put you self first, you did your 18 yrs.
 
I'm so sorry I missed this post. My brother was on drug ,but I do think as hard as it is u need to tell your son to leave. U should not feel scared in your own home.
You can't blame God for this .we are our own problems.its called being human .your not alone find a forum on family's with drug users. It really helps. And if u can't find one then message me .u can talk to me anytime ,do t go through this alone xxx
 
Thank you all for your responses. Things have calmed down but I hold my breath for the next episode! Drug users don't get better unless they want to and he doesn't want to. Moe1959 I have tried to get him professional help, but I know from my exsperiance with a sister and a stepdaughter you can only lead a horse to the water...I spent money I didn't have on doctors that couldn't help someone who refuses help. I want him to move out, my husband is scared what will happen to him. So I loose! Full moon seems to bring out the crazy around here along with my pain, so I have started to chart things in hopes I can be better prepared.
Forgetmenot, it was so much worse then blaming God, reached a point that I don't know now if I no longer believed in him or if I didn't want to believe in him. It has shaken my world, and a lot of soul searching to be done. To some it may sound silly but for be this has been tortchure.
The pain, oh the pain. I hope to never reach that place again, the physical pain was more then I've ever imagined possible and seemed like it was never going to let up, nothing was helping. I don't have narcodics for pain and that night I hated myself for not seeking a prescription for them (my son is one reason not to have them around and my reumotolgist doesn't perscibe them). Pain is one thing, but enduring it for days with no signs of relief is over the top and no doubt psychology damaging.
Even though I have suffered for years with fibro, I was just diagnosed in December and I'm still in the learning/accepting stage. I'm greatful for this forum and the people who share their time, knowledge and grace with others. Thank you all
Peace and blessings
 
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Thank you all for your responses. Things have calmed down but I hold my breath for the next episode! Drug users don't get better unless they want to and he doesn't want to. Moe1959 I have tried to get him professional help, but I know from my exsperiance with a sister and a stepdaughter you can only lead a horse to the water...I spent money I didn't have on doctors that couldn't help someone who refuses help. I want him to move out, my husband is scared what will happen to him. So I loose! Full moon seems to bring out the crazy around here along with my pain, so I have started to chart things in hopes I can be better prepared.
Forgetmenot, it was so much worse then blaming God, reached a point that I don't know now if I no longer believed in him or if I didn't want to believe in him. It has shaken my world, and a lot of soul searching to be done. To some it may sound silly but for be this has been tortchure.
The pain, oh the pain. I hope to never reach that place again, the physical pain was more then I've ever imagined possible and seemed like it was never going to let up, nothing was helping. I don't have narcodics for pain and that night I hated myself for not seeking a prescription for them (my son is one reason not to have them around and my reumotolgist doesn't perscibe them). Pain is one thing, but enduring it for days with no signs of relief is over the top and no doubt psychology damaging.
Even though I have suffered for years with fibro, I was just diagnosed in December and I'm still in the learning/accepting stage. I'm greatful for this forum and the people who share their time, knowledge and grace with others. Thank you all
Peace and blessings

I've some experience with this kind of issues, and you are totally right... addicts don't get better unless they really want to. It's terrible you have to deal with all this while still trying to stay sane standing all that pin in a daily basis. I have some really bad days or weeks lately, so I can feel your pain.

As for your son moving, I think you should insist, because I think that being in that house he is being enabled. I know it might sound cruel, but your son must figure out things on his own, specially now he is an addict. You need to be calm and relaxed, stress and worry makes things worse with fibro :( I truly hope your son come back to his senses soon, maybe when he lives on his own.
 
Thank you Trellum. Thank God that episode has passed only to move into him driving of the highway into a ditch totaling the truck (he was t-totally sober!!!) through him into severe depression (he was trying to go clean on his own) got pulled over for speeding, sober again but got locked up for having brass knuckles in his possession! We left him in jail for the week. He was on Suicide watch in jail. He's now out, stays home with me, has no one over and is looking for a job. Staying clean in fear of judge ordering a drug test. Complete u turn!!! Ain't it funny how things work out. I'm sure a lot of prayes went out even people that just read the post and didn't comment. I am greatful to everyone.
 
Am glad he has some fear left in him. You can make demands or conditions for him staying with you. We had to do this with our daughter and it wasn't because of drugs or alcohol; just flat out rebellion. They were simple conditions but she refused to abide by them. I told her --after much research through my bible--that I loved her with all my heart but I feared God more, I MUST obey him! She left and for several months, we had no idea where she was. Things worked out in the end with her repenting and we have a good relationship all around. Point is ALL of life there are conditions we must meet- it can be as simple as paying for what you take off store shelves, but there are REQUIREMENTS and consequences, good and bad, to what we choose. We would not have helped her by letting her get her way and treating us so shamefully. Oh it was so hard! But I devoted myself to prayer and continued to study to make sure we were in God's will in this. It wasn't what I wanted but I knew it was what God required. And that is the difference.

I share only in hopes of the best outcome for you, your husband and your son. Whatever you do, do it by faith that this is what HE wants.
 
Ruralchick, you are so right. Fear is powerful. When he started this journey he declared he was deist!! (Believed in a higher power but not God) I thought at first he was saying it to hurt me. He was brought up Christian, went to a private Christian school where he got honors in bible class. I later came to believe he couldn't believe in God and do the things he was doing. Either way he has quit cringing every time I give him Gods instructions (I'm not a bible thumper, but due to recent events he's need some reminders) and started listening again, he has agreed to go to church with me (that will be a prayer answered and a shocking one at that)! My physical condition and fibro fog has made it easy for him to take advantage and run over me. My husband had a brother very similar that died at 34 and he just can't push my son out. It sometimes feels like I'm tied to the back end of a moving train. I know God has his reason but sometimes things go against everything I believe in and know to be right. This is a true test of my faith. Perhaps the lesson is more for me??
Thank you for sharing your story about your daughter. I'm so happy for all of you that she returned to her roots unscathed. Testimony is only powerful when it's shared, I needed that so much. And your advice is well taken.
I'm not sure why I let go and posted such personal info that night, I had put the thought out my head several times and it's as if I just broke. The blessings have rolled in and read in days when I need to hear them.
Greatful for your share.
 
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