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New member
Jul 24, 2018
I have been in a relationship with a girl with fibromyalgia for about 6 months now and our first flair together started about 6 weeks ago. We used to talk all day everyday between texting, phone calls, and playing video games together and fell for each other fast and hard, and about a week or so into the flair up communication came to a sudden halt. I will admit, when the communication went away, I did not handle it very well due to the sudden change, and was wondering why she was ignoring me and put a lot of stress and pressure on her trying to find answers, and I was not giving her the space she needed. We were able to talk about it 2 weeks ago, and at that point I had started my quest of understanding the disease and trying to figure out what is going on in her body/head when the one person who has it, isn't communicating. Since then she has been hiding from me in video games, not really texting at all other than repeating the "morning, goodnight" and occasionally answers questions, hours after the initial text. I have a very logical and rational approach in my brain so everything seems like a red flag, but after talking with a friend with fibromyalgia, he makes it sound like her body is in complete self defense mode which makes her think selfishly and not consider others which leads to pushing them away. He also said that video games may be her "safe place and distraction" and she is going through great lengths to hide from me, avoid me, and protect her space because she may be afraid that i will cause stress to her again. Right now I get 1 phone call a week and she seems perfectly normal, talks like it hasn't been a week, and has the demeanor that she thinks nothing is wrong while im over here practically waiting by my phone missing her. during our last conversation she did say that this is the worst and longest flair shes ever had, but she has always downplayed how she feels by saying "i have a headache and am a little tired" which to me, doesn't sound crippling like she claims. So I guess im reaching out on here to get advice based on Yalls experience with the disease and possibly dating with the disease to see if everything she's doing and eliminating communication and pushing me away is normal, or if i should be looking at these as red flags. I really do love the girl and right before the flair she was vocal that she was deeply in love with me, and i know what the future could look like (I am actually moving up to be closer to her soon) , and it isn't scaring me off, but its starting to feel like she is just "keeping me at arms length" for whenever she feels like talking to me.

Sorry for the long rant, but since I can't talk to her for answers and unfortunately haven't been able to read minds yet, any insight or advice helps.
Well, There's a big difference from being in so much pain and not being to focus on anything else but yourself and being Selfish. We don't have any control over how we feel. I get a lot of people who think I'm being rude when I don't get back a hold of them, when in my eyes it feels like I'm exhausted from just handling the pain and trying to mask the pain so I can fit in that I just can't handle any other stimuli. Give her the space and don't pressure her and read up some more. If you really love her then it will be worth the learning and the wait.
Thanks for the reply. I definitely didn’t mean selfish as an insult, I completely understand that the person in pain will do everything they can to focus on coping while maintaining a somewhat normal schedule/life which sounds exhausting. She may just not be able to concentrate on the relationship right now. She’s used to coping with her pain while taking care of her kid, so maybe adding a newer relationship is just something she can’t fully focus on. Thanks for the advice. Giving her all the space she needs and hoping she will reach out when she can.
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