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New member
Jul 31, 2013
Hello everybody! I am brand new to this forum, in fact this is my first post.

I am a 29 year old female diagnosed with fibromyalgia, scoliosis, shoulder nerve impingement and mayofascial pain syndrome from a car accident a few years back. I was diagnosed (finally!) in late 2011 after years of unexplained pain, sleep problems, depression etc.

I am starting graduate school in the fall and I am feeling defeated already! I just got married two weeks ago, I eloped actually, because as fellow fibro / CFS / pain patients can probably understand the stress of a wedding would probably create a nasty flare up.

With all the new financial and other wifely responsibilities of being married I feel completely overwhelmed. I feel as if sleeping in separate beds does not help but with my husband having sleeping issues as well and me having really severe issues related to no rem sleep (or sleep at all for that matter!) I feel that is the best decision.

I KNOW my husband understands my pain, to an extent, and feels incredibly helpless about it. But I don't think he really gets the fatigue and lack of energy. He keeps telling me that even since we got married I am no longer attracted to him because I never want to have sex. I work a physical labor job 40-45 hours a week and I come home exhausted, with no energy to cook, clean or do anything else. He is even understanding of that.

Lately, I have been having a flare up. I can't sleep at all, unless I take my klonopin but then I can't get up in the morning and I'm late for work. I am in such pain trying to sleep that I never get any rest and wake up feeling more tired then when I went to bed. My husband feels like I think having sex with him is a chore, and he's partially right, because I am in so much pain and feel like s@#! I adore him and I am extremely physically, mentally and emotionally attracted to him, but because we don't have sex very often I think he feels that I do not find him attractive any more, which is not the case.

Overall I just feel very unwifely and in general unwomanly! I barely ever cook or take care of my man, not that I feel that is a woman's job but because that's just what I want to do! And my husband is SO appreciative of any effort I make to do anything!

I just feel so badly, but I feel like I have to be careful and not let my stress get out of control, but I just have a really hard time handling stress and with that plus my pain, lack of energy or sleep, and working an insane amount of physical type labor, I just feel completely overwhelmed and stressed to the point of depression. To add insult to injury, I have been taking oxymorphone for about a year and a half and my tolerance is so high and I think I have developed hyperanalgesia but it is impossible to get off pain meds when you are in chronic 24/7 pain!

I am starting graduate school in late August and I just don't know how I am going to handle that daily demands of life PLUS school plus a 1 hour commute into the city each way, plus a Practicum in the following 3 semesters. I just feel like I don't even know what to do and I can't handle the demands of life. I used to do yoga 4-5 times a week but now after getting off work, having worked a grueling 10 hour day and getting home at 6:30 I have absolutely no energy for exercise. I barely sleep so there is no option for getting up any earlier than I already do.

To top everything off, my husband and I are struggling financially and will be for the foreseeable next two years, as I continue grad school. We also had to rehome our boston terrier who was my best friend and baby for the last three years of my life do to our schedules and not being able to be home with him and give him enough attention (originally graduate school was not in the plans when I got my puppy, and circumstances changed) I feel broken hearted at having to give up my dog, it is so lonely to come home to an empty house. I miss my dog and I'm still crying on a daily basis over the loneliness I feel for him.

I just feel like this should be the happiest time in my life. I am young, just got married and pursuing my goal and going to graduate school. On the other hand physically I am exhausted, in chronic pain, have no energy and have an extremely high level of stress due to financial concerns. I know things are going to be tight and stressful for the duration of graduate school.

I guess the point of this post was mainly just to vent to people who understand. Luckily for me, my aunt who lived right down the street, and is like a best friend to me, understands the issues I have because she also has fibro, a herniated disc and other physical issues. At times when things were bad, she was who kept me going and told me things eventually HAD to get better. And it seems like they do, for a period of time, and then they get worse, and better again, in a cycle.

I guess I am just looking for any kinds of tips or advice on getting through school, dealing with stress, exhaustion and pain. And how to be a good wife and make my husband feel wanted despite how crappy I feel! My relationships with my husband, family and few close friends are the most important thing in my life and I feel like at times I can get absorbed in my own misery if I'm not careful. Despite complaining in this post, I do have a wonderful husband and amazing family and a lot to be thankful for! At times it is easy to forget the good things when all you feel is pain.

Thanks for listening! Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated! Just for reference I have been on many antidepressants for the fibro, have done physical therapy and massage therapy, heat compresses and a few other remedies that my fibro fog is not letting me retrieve at the moment. Painkillers were the last resort and although I wish I had never started taking them, I most definitely wouldn't be functioning, working or otherwise without them.
First off congrats on your marriage. And good for you that you got on here to look for help. It sounds like your new husband is wonderfully understanding.

I guess you have to take it one day at a time. That is what my husband does. He tries to stay active and he will not overload his plate with things that he can not handle. He has found that only makes it worse.
I would also like to say Congratulations on your marriage. It is great that your husband is so supportive. I think that will give you some peace of mind. It will be challenging as you all find your way. If you keep open lines of communication I think things will be okay. But I still understand how frustrating it must be.
Congrats! I wouldn't worry too much about it - it only stresses you out more. If your husband is understanding and truly loves you, he will not let it get in the way of your relationship. One day at a time, and hopefully you will be feeling better really soon :)
Thanks for the advice everybody :) I have just been in SO much pain in the mornings lately and my husband feels so helpless but he doesn't know he is doing everything he can! I try to tell him that every day! He is so supportive and helpful but just the stress of being newly married is tough! I am worried about starting grad school and all the added stress of that and financial worries, I just want my pain to GO AWAY! I'm sure you all understand that feeling
Congrats on your marriage, native. Sorry to hear you're feeling like that, it must be so hard to adjust to a routine like that, but hopely after a bit your husband will start to understand you even more. The first year of marriage is always hard, so try to hang in there, things will get better :) I know that living a life full of responsabilities and suffering from fibro all at the same time can be overwhelming, but don't worry... you just need to get used to this routine, after that you'll be ok :)
Hi Native,
First off I would like to ask what your job is? I really am amazed that your able to do physical labor for 10 hours a day, with your health problems. I know you said money is tight, but would it be possible for you to work a few less hours at your job, in order to give yourself a bit more time to relax. I worry that if you keep pushing your body to work these long hours that one day your ability to work at all will cease. The more time each day you can alot for relaxing the better able you will be to enjoy your husband and marriage.

Sometimes when we over achieve in one area we loose in other areas of our lives, and even understanding husband's can grow weary of coming in, in second place. And the bedroom is very important for young married couples to mantain communacation. I would say try lots of Y-2 jelly. Take a pain pill at least a half an hour beforehand and try some of the relaxing ideas mentioned on this site, like taking warm tub baths with epson salts in the water. Buy a fiber or foam, or feather bed topper that is 2 1/2 to 3 inches thick. They come in all bed sizes and lay on top of your regular mattress. They make you feel like your sleeping on a cloud and cushion your muscles so they can relax easier and so you can sleep.

Some folks here get massages or do yoga. I have a full length vibrating mat with heat settings. The vibration feels like it is rolling down my body from my neck to feet. It really helps me during times of bad pain and relaxes my body. Available in most department stores like walmart or sears, etc..

I hope some of these ideas might work for you. I have been there and for me I had to give up working when my muscles just refused to work anymore. I was a go getter and had my own housecleaning service. It was terrible having to give up people one after another because I could not do the work anymore. I would hate for you to become totally unable to work and have your degree with no way to use it.

Hope you feel better soon and please take time to read the back posts on site and maybe learn more coping skills from other people going through the same things you are. :)
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