I've never posted in a forum or group chat before. But I could use some help controlling my stress and anxiety levels. It is beginning to effect my job. I've been in a constant state of stress for the last couple of years lost jobs, lost friends and I've lost my family. Now I'm losing the last of my parental figures to a disease that is killing her very slowly making her lose her mind. These memories are keeping me in tears on a daily basis. I'm tired, very tired, and in pain every day. I need to reduce my stress and anxiety levels to reduce my pain before I have a heart attack. I've tried many doctors and many more pills but nothing seems to work. If anyone can share some stress reduction tips that might have worked for them I would greatly appreciate it.
Hi Kurleysue,
It's lovely to have you here - welcome. I'm so sorry to hear you're going through so much. Stress and anxiety together are something I am very familiar with, and have only recently learned how to manage well. A series of very difficult life events left me in a really bad way, and while I'd tried all sorts of things to manage my mental health (including
all the drugs!) it was only when I sought psychological support for managing my fibromyalgia pain that I made a big breakthrough. Understanding what was happening inside my body was the magic pill. Let me see if I can explain what helped...
The first thing was learning how the systems in our body work that control these feelings. When something stressful happens within our lives, a system within our body called the sympathetic nervous system kicks in - this puts us in the so-called fight/fight/freeze state, and it's evolved to help us survive. Our body diverts resources away from digestion, healing, and regulation, and our brains flood with adrenaline, noradrenaline, and the stress hormone cortisol. When we experience chronic stress, we tend to get stuck here, with our hearts pounding and that horrible high-alert and run-down feeling.
The counter to the sympathetic nervous system is called the parasympathetic nervous system. This system is often referred to as the "rest and digest" system, because when the parasympathetic system is activated, a neurotransmitter called acetylcholine releases to slow our heart rate and drop our blood pressure, while feel-good endorphins inhibit the activity of the sympathetic nervous system, allowing us to relax - and our bodies to go back to the important functions that keep us healthy and well.
When we read that we should be doing things like meditation to ease anxiety, what we really need to understand is that this means learning how to signal our body to activate the parasympathetic nervous system. Before I understood the objective, nothing I tried really did any good! In fact, one of the most simple ways we can tell our body to switch systems is slow breathing - nothing spiritual or complicated to grasp - just (for example) sitting in the dark for a few minutes and breathing in for a count of four and out for a count of four while focusing on "telling" our body that it's safe and can slow down.
Ultimately, if you can find literally anything that you can use to give your body that all-important signal - so, perhaps listening to binaural beats on YouTube, doing a body-scan relaxation exercise, taking the dog for a walk, lying quietly in the dark for 10 minutes; whatever you can work with - and practice it briefly a few times a day, you will get better at giving your body the right cues, and it will get better at reading them. It's important to look at it as training a muscle, because when our body has more or less forgotten how to switch back, it's as if this function is really out of shape and needs to be trained with dedication until it becomes automatic again.
The next thing that helped me a lot was reading about the work of professor and psychologist Paul Gilbert on the three emotional regulation systems. His work centred around those of us who don't have a well evolved capacity to self-soothe and how we can cultivate that skill with self-compassion. If you Google "
Paul Gilbert three emotional regulation systems" you can read about this - I really recommend it.
Fibromyalgia pain is really triggered by stress, so if you can work on all of these things, you will not only feel less anxious, but you should also see your symptoms reduce too. My therapist absolutely kicked my ass in terms of making me practice things that could help me signal my parasympathetic nervous system daily, and (kindly) drill myself into self-compassionate thoughts and behaviours. That included tuning into my body and mind's needs, and trying to accommodate them when I was able. Keeping a notation diary and observing what I was thinking and feeling helped me see my own patterns. I was trying to be a warrior, but not being kind to myself at all in the process! With dedicated practice, I began to feel more in control again, much calmer, and less burned out. A drop in my pain levels followed. I hope that helps you too