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BombayMum

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At the outset, I inform you that I am about to write may have negative thoughts,so if you want to avoid reading it you can. If some of you remember, some months back I wrote about how yoga and deep breathing was treating me and I recommended it to you. well what is happening when I stop it is below.
Last month has been a disaster for me. I have completely lost myself. there are rarely moments when I get positive.. I stopped meditating and yoga and even my daily walk. I blamed the weather. I blamed my family. I blamed my maids and servants and I even blamed the government.
For many days my head was spinning. I got some days of vertigo and I stopped driving. I was unable to cook. I was unable to eat. I was even unable to tell the maid what to cook. even now my mind is bursting bad and one point of it is hurting me. tears are forming in my eyes and before this sentence would have completed, they would have fallen down. Its difficult to show to my kid this state of me. I don't know whether to blame my doctor husband's indifference. I dont know whether it is fibro or just me blaming everyone else. he says my doctor is no good. but its so difficult to even get me up from my state and call up a new doctor or look for one..even that is so much effort.
On the new years, I bought myself a dress for a first time, an expensive one which I wouldn't have otherwise. Its one of those new ones which make you one size smaller and we went to the new year party with me wearing that. but I couldn't take the lights, nor the music...so we got back... with everyone blaming me for my attitude.
I've stopped meeting anyone.. avoiding everyone. I have a job offer waiting for reply which I needed to start, but haven't. I know it would help me, but I just am unable to. they have even agreed to partime and flexi work, but deep down I'm unprepared. Is this fibro? Or is it just me having a terrible time with my personal life, with a husband whom i'm not sure I should be able to depend upon in my old age. this is the worst time of my life.
 

Loftpat

Senior member
Joined
Aug 12, 2013
Messages
374
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
08/2013
Country
US
State
ME
This sounds like depression, BombayMum, which is as real and as devastating as any physical ailment. I don't know anything about mental health care in India, but if you were in the US I'd suggest you call a crisis hotline for support today. I know there is a stigma about mental health in the US, so it can be difficult to find folks who understand that you just don't "get over it." Is it like that where you live?

Do you have a personal doc you can see? Do you have a friend or family member who would understand and support you? Although I take medication for depression and anxiety, I still need my sister when I'm struggling. I'm back in counseling for a "tune-up" right now because even though I have the tools--meditation, yoga, exercise, pacing--when I'm struggling with Fibromyalgia more than normal, I know I need to ask for help to get back on track.

There is a correlation between Fibro and depression that is not completely understood. Neither causes the other, but well over 50% of folks with fibro also have been disagnosed with depression.

Please find some help and let us know how you're doing. You always have support here. Hugs and healing thoughts coming your way.
 

BombayMum

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Dear Loftpat,
You prompt reply is somehow reassuring me that I can overcome this. When I was diagnosed I told my husband and also my mother. They are of the opinion that whatever is happening I have brought it upon myself. Ironically both of them are doctors. In my husband's diagnosis, its not fibro, but depression and the rest I'm "imagining". My father, though he is over 75, is planning a trip to visit me and I am reluctant that he should, but maybe this is a time when I need some support. Maybe he will drive me to a doctor. In India, this ailment is not well understood and considered "fake" by many doctors.
Lets see...
B.
 

cmetryme

Extremely helpful member
Joined
Nov 3, 2013
Messages
1,030
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
03/2008
Country
US
State
TX
Boombaymum, thanks for sharing with us.I did read what your post in full.
Loftpat has given you good advise. You also need to get back into moving
Your body and keeping it moving. You might give tai cha a try. Just keep your
Body moving.also sounds like fatigue starting. Support is what you need right now!
It has to be hard with a husband that doesn't believe in fibro. Does he believe in headaches or flu? You can't see those either. Fibro is real.
Please have him do research on fibro. He must see
It for himself. Ask him to do it for you. Have them wear
A clothes pin for as long as they can. So they can experience the
Pain you are going through. When they take it off ask them why did you take
It off you looked fine. Then when they say it was hurting to much. Tell them i dont
Believe you prove it. Do your own research for yourself.
Bring them. Both here to the forum. Have them ask us questions.
We are here to help each other and you need
Our help now. You can do more than you think.
Lying around is not reducing your pain level.
The stress is only increasing your pain and
Depression. Get to a better doctor. It's go to take you to go to a few doctors before you find the right one that believes you and will help.
God bless you and stay strong.
 

Lana

Senior member
Joined
Apr 6, 2014
Messages
223
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
05/2012
Country
CA
State
ON
I am in the same situation, I think I keep going in and out of depressions. The winter here in Canada has been very cold so I am in my house most days of the week. I had to quit my job to because it was getting to much for me. I am so tired of feeling down like there is a dark cloud over me that doesn't go away. I refuse to go on any mind altering drugs like antidepressants because I had bad experiences with everyone I tried, some even make you more depressed, which I don't understand. Anyways I go to swimming therapy now and that has really made a difference in my mood and also pain management. I think I have to look for something else to get me out of these four walls.
 

Molly23

New member
Joined
Feb 11, 2015
Messages
2
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
09/2014
Country
uk
State
south wales
I no exactly how you feel I was like that for months I put it down to losing my job due to my illness then when I was diagnosed last year I felt my world was crashing down.It was very difficult to cope with what was going on because I did not have any good days it was just one thing after another ,I was hiding a lot what I was feeling from my family crying everyday even to the point of isolating myself in my head I thought it would pass,but it just got worse I was paranoid,angry,tearfull with everyone.I finally went and told my doctor who said I had depression which is very common in fibro patients apparently your serotoin levels drop with fibro this chemical helps you to cope with everyday stress so if that is low this is why depression sets in i am feeling a lot better since being on these and coping a bit better.I hope this helps you a bit more to understand :smile:
 

BombayMum

Active member
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Jul 23, 2014
Messages
57
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Other
Diagnosis
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Country
IN
State
Bombay
Dear Molly, Lana, cmetryme and Loftpat,

Thank you so much for listening to me and giving me your wise comments. i'm feeling much stronger today. Went out at night for an icecream and then again today for awhile. I think I have kept myself locked up and that could be a cause of my depression. earlier my phone used to ring constantly, my emails used to be forever full and people used to surround. guess it is time to embrace the change and move on... positively. God is giving me strength through you and I wish you all the best... positive vibes towards all of you... I'll seriously reconsider the advice above and tell my family to read about the ailment and also look for a new doctor.Guess for depression I have to go to a psychiatrist and not my rheumatologist.
luv
BombayMum
 

Jayenut

New member
Joined
Feb 15, 2015
Messages
4
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
06/2012
Country
CA
State
AB
BombayMum, I am one of those people who suffer from Mental Illness and Fibro. Making an effort to move forward us difficult but necessary, depression can be a scary place. A psychiatrist is always good to have for both.
I've been a fighter of depression since I was young. Lana, I understand how you feel about winter, I'm a Canadian too. Its difficult to manage both.
I'm learning to keep fighting everyday. Someone gave me the udea of a mood busting box. I fill it with ideas which make me happy, things to bust my blue mood, jokes, smiles, anything to change how I feel.
I love the idea of going for ice cream, even though its winter here. The biggest thing I have learned, don't go through it alone. Talk about it. That's what we are here for.
Take care. Big hugs!
You are not alone.
 

Loftpat

Senior member
Joined
Aug 12, 2013
Messages
374
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
08/2013
Country
US
State
ME
BombayMom, I am so glad to hear you are feeling better. Hang in there and take each moment as it arrives. Hugs.
 

BombayMum

Active member
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Messages
57
Reason
Other
Diagnosis
00/0000
Country
IN
State
Bombay
Hello friends,
I just wanted to update everyone who has been so helpful here with how I am doing.
I took up that part time job I spoke about to keep the cash flowing in. I was tempted to take the entire full time package, but looking back I think I made a sensible decision. In the first week, maybe due to weather change I got a lot of discomfort pain in the wrists and legs, but surprisingly, if I start moving rather than enjoying the pain, it seems to get better. My body has now become like a barometer for weather changes. When the weather changed from winter to spring, I go the aches and pains. When It turned humid a few days back, I had to take a lot of coffee. And today I simply slept for three hours extra in the morning, with my mind "whirring" as if it was a machine. I don't know why that happens, it has happened more often now.
But What I really wanted to share is that I am happy. I have a wonderful team of intelligent people around me and some of them as actually caring too. I haven't broken to them about my condition yet as I mentioned in another thread, it is not well known in India, but may do in time to come.
thanks everyone here on this forum for giving me support. Living each day, one day at a time.
luv.
BombayMum
 

cmetryme

Extremely helpful member
Joined
Nov 3, 2013
Messages
1,030
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
03/2008
Country
US
State
TX
im very proud of you for taking the steps for the part time job. you can do it. one step at a time.
you have support here anytime you need it. congrats on the courage to take a job.
 

BombayMum

Active member
Joined
Jul 23, 2014
Messages
57
Reason
Other
Diagnosis
00/0000
Country
IN
State
Bombay
Thank you cmetryme! You guys keep me going!
 

moe1959

Very helpful member
Joined
Sep 13, 2014
Messages
708
Reason
Undiagnosed
Diagnosis
09/2014
Country
US
State
wa.
Hello Sorry your having a bad go of things. I'm sure everyone here understands. Mind fog is a curse, and part of this crap, unfortunately. I have an Idea. When you have a good day take that time to write down a list of things for your cleaning lady to do. Mark them each on a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being the most important.
Are you somewhat close to her? Would it be unusual to ask her to drive you somewhere? Even if it's just for an hour, get out of the house. If your dog tired throw on some comfy cloths and a hat and go.
I'm usually so careful I have very hair in place.
Not any more, I don't have the energy, but.....I can take care of my own well being.
Hope things inprove, don't apologize for being negative it's all part of it.
 

Kreol

Member
Joined
Mar 25, 2015
Messages
14
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
05/2014
Country
AU
State
Victoria
Hi BombayMum, I completely understand where you are coming from as I suffer from major depression. What I have learnt in my two years is to take things each day and to not push yourself too hard. We are our own worst critic and guilt can be quite unhealthy.
As suggested above it would be good to speak with a psychologist/ psychiatrist, I found this helped immensely. I was actually quite suprised that I was so open to speaking to a stranger because from a cultural perspective, I am mauritian, we don't do 'shrinks' and we wouldn't dare disclose our personal dirty laundry! But the good thing was that he was able to peel the layers of the onion, so to speak, and find out exactly the reason for my depression.
You will get back to meditating and yoga eventually. Unfortunately depression is like a roller coaster ride, and there will be days where you can not be bothered doing anything. I find mindful meditation useful, when you decide to go back to meditating, there are heaps of free downloads available on line.
Take care and I'm glad to hear that you are progressing :)
 

Cory M

New member
Joined
Mar 30, 2015
Messages
1
Reason
Other
Diagnosis
02/2007
Country
US
State
CA
Hi BombayMum, I so understand what you are going through, I have suffered for 10+years and really felt hopeless and discouraged for a long time until recently.. What has happened for me in the last few months has able me to get my
free from most of my fibro symptoms and I am still getting better everyday, So what I want to say to you is there is hope, and most doctors have no idea on how to treat Fibro. The Doctors that I have found that are actually helping me are really hard to find, and what I can tell you is that following their advice has changed everything for me, pain levels are down, mental clarity is better, no headache, no more stomach problems, for real.. It is now my mission to help other people like you. I want you to know if the changes are helping me, it can help you too. Most people think that Fibromyalgia is incurable, and its a false statement. The truth is when a doctor says that he just do not know how to help you. That is it, plain and simple. I hope that you get the help you need to get better. See you next time, here is the link to the Doctors that are helping me and 1000's of others dealing with chronic conditions.

Link Not Allowed!
 
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