BombayMum
Active member
- Joined
- Jul 23, 2014
- Messages
- 63
- Reason
- Other
- Diagnosis
- 00/0000
- Country
- IN
- State
- Bombay
At the outset, I inform you that I am about to write may have negative thoughts,so if you want to avoid reading it you can. If some of you remember, some months back I wrote about how yoga and deep breathing was treating me and I recommended it to you. well what is happening when I stop it is below.
Last month has been a disaster for me. I have completely lost myself. there are rarely moments when I get positive.. I stopped meditating and yoga and even my daily walk. I blamed the weather. I blamed my family. I blamed my maids and servants and I even blamed the government.
For many days my head was spinning. I got some days of vertigo and I stopped driving. I was unable to cook. I was unable to eat. I was even unable to tell the maid what to cook. even now my mind is bursting bad and one point of it is hurting me. tears are forming in my eyes and before this sentence would have completed, they would have fallen down. Its difficult to show to my kid this state of me. I don't know whether to blame my doctor husband's indifference. I dont know whether it is fibro or just me blaming everyone else. he says my doctor is no good. but its so difficult to even get me up from my state and call up a new doctor or look for one..even that is so much effort.
On the new years, I bought myself a dress for a first time, an expensive one which I wouldn't have otherwise. Its one of those new ones which make you one size smaller and we went to the new year party with me wearing that. but I couldn't take the lights, nor the music...so we got back... with everyone blaming me for my attitude.
I've stopped meeting anyone.. avoiding everyone. I have a job offer waiting for reply which I needed to start, but haven't. I know it would help me, but I just am unable to. they have even agreed to partime and flexi work, but deep down I'm unprepared. Is this fibro? Or is it just me having a terrible time with my personal life, with a husband whom i'm not sure I should be able to depend upon in my old age. this is the worst time of my life.
Last month has been a disaster for me. I have completely lost myself. there are rarely moments when I get positive.. I stopped meditating and yoga and even my daily walk. I blamed the weather. I blamed my family. I blamed my maids and servants and I even blamed the government.
For many days my head was spinning. I got some days of vertigo and I stopped driving. I was unable to cook. I was unable to eat. I was even unable to tell the maid what to cook. even now my mind is bursting bad and one point of it is hurting me. tears are forming in my eyes and before this sentence would have completed, they would have fallen down. Its difficult to show to my kid this state of me. I don't know whether to blame my doctor husband's indifference. I dont know whether it is fibro or just me blaming everyone else. he says my doctor is no good. but its so difficult to even get me up from my state and call up a new doctor or look for one..even that is so much effort.
On the new years, I bought myself a dress for a first time, an expensive one which I wouldn't have otherwise. Its one of those new ones which make you one size smaller and we went to the new year party with me wearing that. but I couldn't take the lights, nor the music...so we got back... with everyone blaming me for my attitude.
I've stopped meeting anyone.. avoiding everyone. I have a job offer waiting for reply which I needed to start, but haven't. I know it would help me, but I just am unable to. they have even agreed to partime and flexi work, but deep down I'm unprepared. Is this fibro? Or is it just me having a terrible time with my personal life, with a husband whom i'm not sure I should be able to depend upon in my old age. this is the worst time of my life.