How do you deal with guilt for not being able to carry an equal load in your marriage?
Expanding on the good ideas given...:
Guilt... vs. guilty feelings....
isn't easy to sort out. It's an unreliable feeling - we often feel it in the wrong places. As we are human, we do do things wrong. That's what makes it hard to "know" if we are guilty in a certain respect or not. But our judgement about that is usually wonky. That applies to both sides, the partner too. Even if it appears they are carrying more of "the load". That isn't necessarily true.
So best first to clarify if/where there is "guilt" and where there are "guilty feelings". That's best done by talking to someone less partial, like a counsellor. Altho we ourselves (am I being fair to myself - the child in me - by judging myself), partners and friends can help quite a bit too, if they are understanding plus impartial.
And what is this "load"?
It's something we develop with our partners, so is open to debate with them & others.
And what is "equal"?
No one is equal, we're all different, and what we manage to do depends on condition, again something open to debate - in the case of fibro possibly education is necessary to help us determine what our condition actually is. Because it is invisible (like other conditions too), we and others overestimate how equal we are.
And: If the 'guilt' is seeming to appear because someone is
making us feel guilty:
Making someone
feel guilty is generally not constructive, because it robs that someone of the power to see and change if necessary. So it's much more helpful to ask for and be asked for things that we are able to do in a nice way. And give us the power to be able to do it by developing baby steps, helping us discover the resources we have.
Not all contributions to a partnership are physical.
Yep - that sentence opens up 100s of personal possibilities.....
These will need to be discovered and developed. Personally I believe in my partnership and in all partnerships, learning to be happy, content, at peace with myself and others, despite all trials and tribulations is the biggest contribution possible, from which all others can flow. And to get this positive mindset we may need help of various kinds - talking & reading.