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Karr888

New member
Joined
Apr 16, 2016
Messages
5
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
05/2010
Country
US
State
CA
Well I've had fibromyalgia for the past 6 years 1 month 10 days. I only feel getting worst and everything I try I have to say has only helped my drastic swelling. I would swell up to 20lb in one day to another but know it's about 5lb to 8lb. I feel this is a great accomplishment and I hope my body keeps responding this way.

My complaint is about my husband requesting sex everyday. Since we where a very sexual couple, I will always give in. I do let him know I don't enjoy it because the pain is to overwhelming but he tells me he will be quick (he is). I have showed him videos, interviews of people with fibromyalgia, my primary Doctor talked to him, my pain Doctor explain to him how much pain I'm in and I even had a spiritualist explain to him I might develop anger and resentment and a whole other of negative feelings. However, he simply tells me he rather me not cook or deep clean the house and in exchange for sex. So as you see I've tried everything I can think of to get him to understand it's not good to have me "just do it." Like he tells me but it seems he rather take the risk of me resenting him than go a few days without sex. I'm to the point where I am taking anxiety medication half an hour before we have sex. We are not newlyweds, we have been married 8 years going on 9 years. I have turned him down for sex a few times but I think I can count those times with my fingers.

Does anyone have this problem with their spouses and if so how do handle it. I love my husband and we have never thought or spoken of divorce, so that's not an option for me. I think I give him the sex so he won't go looking for it somewhere else. I know I have the last say but I feel guilty and I give in.

I hope I didn't offend anyone but I really need to hear some feed back about this issue. I'm sure I'm not the only one going through this. Thank you ahead of time for whoever takes the time to respond to my nagging.
 

Forgetmenot

Legendary member
Joined
Oct 6, 2014
Messages
1,549
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
70/2010
Country
UK
State
Hertfordshire
Re: No more sex, please!!!!!!

My other half kept on taking and taking and taking.in the end it was me who had to man up and say enough is enough.if he truly loves u he will back off. But u must make it clear u love him but your body can't take it ,and this is a form of bulling in my eyes.
I've always loved sex and I miss it . But what's the point if I don't enjoy it as well .what does he think u are a blowup doll he can use when he wants.
It's so wrong on every level. But it's your relationship and u have to deal with it your own way. But i think u already no the answer yourself.sending gental hugs your way xxxx
 

Eyesup

Senior member
Joined
Dec 11, 2015
Messages
376
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
12/2015
Country
US
State
FL
Re: No more sex, please!!!!!!

Hmm, no your not alone on this I'm sure. Fortunately I'm not in a severe pain cycle right now, but when I was in severe pain I was in udder shock that my husband could even think I was capable of sex but like you I gave in to quickies! (Coconut oil really helps) We are older now and as our youngest child started having his own life our life started picking back up nicely until a car wreck and the real pain began. I'm not sure what to tell you. I do not think you should HAVE to give him sex so you don't have to do a house hold chore that your probably not in any condition to do anyway. And worrirng he will go outside the marriage is a concern in itself. Sex is I think more of an emotional thing for women and a physical thing for men so wanting it everyday is normal. I know the more my husband gets it the more he wants it. Does your husband work 365 days a year? Everyone needs a day off! It's sad when sex is a chore. I doubt there is to many woman who haven't resented there hubbys at one time or another for feeling pressured to have sex. Mine has woke me up after I'ld spent two days up with a sick baby and finelly got to sleep and boom! Talk about resentment.

Most men are selfish by nature and seem to have a wifi connection from their penis to their brain. The only thing I can do is tell you what I did and I don't recommend it either way because I don't know your husband. I just said NO. I let go of the guilt. I gave him 3 times a week and no more.(I can't do that at the present time either)! If he wanted to trade sex it wasn't for me to not having to do something it was because he was a sweetheart and cleaned the whole house while I was asleep. And I yes I chose to say hey come here. I do have some suggestions that I will private message you. (What's that stuff they used to give prisoners? Lol jk) But bottom line everyone is right, you are already beginning to resent him and it's just going to get worse if you don't find some neutral ground.

As I posted this I saw forgetmenot a post. I have to agree with her, this is bullying. I know your not the first to bring this topic up. If you look under I think "chronic pain" there is a thread called "hands up" (started by forgetmenot) I think you'll enjoy reading it. I hope more people will respond to your post with better advice.
 
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Destiny3614

Active member
Joined
Apr 10, 2016
Messages
31
Reason
Caregiver
Diagnosis
00/0000
Country
US
State
OK
Maybe get him a toy? Have you talked about that. Just tell him no! Just get him a fleshlight. That's what I did.
 

Eyesup

Senior member
Joined
Dec 11, 2015
Messages
376
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
12/2015
Country
US
State
FL
Lol Destiny. I couldn't get a private message to pull up but you took words out of my mouth. Kar without getting to graphic there are many toys made for men other then those rediculious rubber dolls. Start by doing some online shopping by yourself and find what your comfortable bringing into your bedroom. The fleshlight is an exsalent start. You might find yourself having fun just finding ways he can be pleased and you can be spared the pain part!
 

diamond

Legendary member
Joined
Sep 18, 2015
Messages
1,548
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
01/2008
Country
UK
State
anywhere
I can't give in because i have interstitial cystitis and vulvodynia as well as fibro......but that probably why my relationship is not in great shape.

Everyday is a crazy demand after 9years.... love is more than sex and should respect your health and well being far above sex in my view.

I dont even know how a man can enjoy sex knowing it hurts his wife.....how do they get up and carry on their day or sleep knowing you are in more pain as a consequence....maybe my view is extreme as my lady bits hurt all the time.

I think non penetrative stuff that keeps you close and him happy would be a great solution...and the toys.
 

lisasian86

New member
Joined
Jun 1, 2016
Messages
6
Reason
Practioner
Diagnosis
00/0000
Country
UK
State
Shropshire
I'm actually a little astounded at reading this. You are not obliged to have sex, with anyone, at any time. The fact that your husband has had all of these people tell him the reasons why sex everyday isn't reasonable (your word alone should have been enough) and he is still demanding it I find worrying. I'm sorry if I'm sounding harsh but I believe you are not being respected and that isn't right. If your husband would stray after 8 years of marriage because you took a few days off from sex due to pain then he shouldn't be your husband.
 

zoey baxter

New member
Joined
Jun 2, 2016
Messages
2
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
00/0000
Country
CA
State
BC
Hi, I'm with lisasian86....the writing is on the wall. He's selfish and self centered. If that many doctor's and you have explained your pain issues to him and he still won't leave you alone, then you have to make a decision. You can allow it to continue until you resent him and the situation gets out of control. Or you can put yourself first and say no.....he obviously isn't doing that. There's toys and he has hands. Your health and you are far more important than him getting his rocks off.
 
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