Nothing

[TipBill]

So as most of you know I have a hearing before the ALJ on November 10th. My problem is I am making myself physically sick worrying about it. I am constantly nauseated for which the doctor has given me medication for. I have convinced myself that I am dying. I have been experiencing severe panic/anxiety attacks. I think that is what probably is causing my chest to hurt. I am afraid all of the time. I never want to get out of bed. I stay up until 1:00 or 2:00 am because I am afraid to go to sleep for fear I will die. Then I sleep all day long. I am up today because my granddaughter wants to go to the movies with me (she is 7 and I hate to tell her no) but I would really rather be in bed. The point is I don't know what to do about anything or how to stop feeling this way. As I may have mentioned in an earlier post my attorney called me last week wanting the names of all the doctors I have seen since I filed for disability in May of 2014. Hell I can't remember what I had for lunch yesterday let alone what doctors I have seen in the last two years. I know the attorney needs those names to help present my case but I have been putting off getting the records together because I figure what's the point, I'm going to lose anyway. It's not even about the money. We are living comfortably off my husband's pension and Social Security. My husband feels and I agree that if I lose I will see it as just another rejection in my life. You see I was adopted at the age of eight and have no recollection of my life before then, rejection number one. After about two years of living with my adoptive parents my mom left my dad to raise me and my siblings alone, rejection number two. I got married at the age of nineteen and one year after getting married my whole family moved to Michigan and left me behind, rejection number three. Then over the past forty years there have been people that I truly cared about that left and it felt like another rejection. I know these things are a part of life but to my mind they are personal rejections. So to have a judge sit up there and tell me no, I don't qualify for SSD would feel like another rejection. I mean all he looks at is what's on paper. He has no way of knowing the personal day to day struggles I go through both physically and mentally. I think they should have to live a day or two in our bodies before they judge us as not being disabled.

Sorry I have rambled on so long. I just needed to vent. If anyone has any suggestions on how to calm myself self down and better live with this it would be much appreciated.

 

[blue paradise]

Sorry I have rambled on so long. I just needed to vent. If anyone has any suggestions on how to calm myself self down and better live with this it would be much appreciated.

Hi Krista,
Gosh! You really have gone though and survived so much in your life. I'm sorry that life has dealt you some real challenges and that you are having difficulty in coping. Your recent posts tell me that you are troubled with anxiety, depression, and feelings of rejection.

I think folks here on this board can sympathize with you, but most of us aren't health professionals. I hope you don't take offense, but have you seen a mental health professional? A good psychiatrist will be able to provide "talk therapy", and if necessary, medication to help you.

Wishing you peace.

 

[diamond]

I am surprised your attorney has left it this late to ask for all the doctors you have seen I would have thought all that information should have been the starting point for your case and each appointment and the outcome logged as extra evidence.

You have been understandably living under the cloud of this case for as long as I have been on the forum so if at all possible wouldnt it be worth trying to get the information needed if at all possible. Doesnt your PCP keep records of all referalls and the feedback from any specialists seen in your notes?

I am not familiar with the US system so apologies if thats a silly suggestion.

Im sure you have tried to tell yourself not to worry and I know logic doesn't come into play with anxiety and depression.

If nothing else at least you know you are not desperate for the money....from an outsiders point of view even if you lost your case it is not a perrsonal rejection...its just one particular judges opinion based on written evidence...like you say he does not know your day to day struggles.

If at all possible can't a personal letter from you be included in the file explaining your day to day struggles so that there is more than just doctors opinions of your condition that goes before the judge.

I wish you good luck for the hearing in Novemeber and am still hopeful you will be successful.

 

[TipBill]

Blue paradise, no offense taken. I see both a psychologist and a psychiatrist and have been seeing them for over a year. I am on several medications for depression. They seem to help when I don't have major stressers going on in my life but this disability thing is a doozy.

 

[TipBill]

Willow, I was obtaining my medical records on my own for awhile but my attorney told me to stop, that that was his job and what he was getting paid for. I think he knows most of my doctors because he has sent me letters throughout this whole process asking me for updates on the doctors I have seen, what tests I have had, what the doctors are saying about my condition and so forth. I think he just wants to make sure he has a complete list of every doctor that I have seen so he can best present my case.

 

[diamond]

Not too much of a problem hopefully then.