Overwhelmed by the pain

[Hurting in Philly]

Hi all,
I really just need to vent/complain today. But, first I would just like to say that I am pretty new to the forum. Although I don't get to respond much because I normally check the forum through my phone, I see all of the wonderfully supportive comments by everyone. Anyway, I am so overwhelmed by the pain recent ( I have fibromyalgia and arthritis).

I just started a new job after being unemployed for over a year. At my last job I made my own schedule so it was usually pretty manageable dealing with really bad flares. This new job is nothing like that. I am still in training which is 8 hours per day obviously sitting most of the time. Although I get up and walk around during breaks the pain is still tremendous. I also live in Philadelphia, but commute to Delaware. On a good day the commute is an hour each way, but every Friday so far it has taken me 2 hours and fifteen minutes to get home. That car ride is SO PAINFUL and exhausting. By the time I get home I am in no condition to cook, clean, or do anything else.

Because I don't want to let my family down I have been pushing myself, which it really feels like is all catching up with me over the last three or four days. My daughter who is 14 doesn't really understand the severity of my illness. My husband is somewhat understanding, but still expects certain things to get done. Besides which we have only been married for almost two years, so I want to remain a companion to him and not be a burden. I am really concerned that this will begin to take a toll on my marriage. I can't keep acting like I don't hurt constantly, but I still want to be sexy to my husband, not all broken down.

I really need to work, so I guess there is no option there. Comments, advice are welcome. But if no one wants to that's ok too. I just really needed to let off some steam. Thanks for listening/reading. :smile:

 

[1sweed]

You might have to let things go a bit at home and ask your daughter to help pick up the slack. Sometimes children must be sat down and explained about how bad our illness really is and that without help you could end up very ill. I am sure your daughter wants to be treated like a young adult, not a child, and so maybe a quiet meeting between the two of you is necessary.

Have you tried any of the suggestions listed in the forum in regards to items to help you sleep better or ways to relax when at home? I know you want to do the best you can by your husband but pushing yourself is only going to make your condition worse not better. Maybe you could pamper yourself on weekdays and get your daughter and husband to pitch in and help on the weekends.

Try coming home and relaxing by watch a movie or taking a short nap. Order out for dinner now and then. Take a relaxing epson salt bath if you have a tub, or just a gentle warm shower. Take you mind off your work when away from work. And do not push and push yourself, just take a long break. In the long run the most important part of your life is your family. Enjoy them and ask for help. Life will become easier than trying to do everything yourself. I know this from experience.

 

[mariposa]

My heart broke when I read about that long car ride and realized how terribly painful it must be for you. :-( I'm glad you were able to talk about it here and I hope you'll find a lot of support.

I think it's hard for a young teen to grasp the level of pain you're dealing with. If they've had nothing to compare it to, there's no way they could know. I really would try to share it with her, though... and I'd probably let her know that I need her support and will depend on her. Maybe you could find a few websites and sit down with her showing her the facts on what this pain is like.

Husband... well I know you haven't been married long, but I'll assume that the love is strong enough that he's not the type of guy that will not stick around or not support you because a health issue has done this terrible thing to you. In sickness and in health means just that to many people and I hope that's the kind of relationship you have.

I like 1sweed's ideas about naps, movies, and a warm bath or shower. Read through the forum and there will be more ideas that may help you (like that "magic" mattress topper someone mentioned. Gotta be nice to yourself first and foremost.

 

[Hurting in Philly]

You might have to let things go a bit at home and ask your daughter to help pick up the slack. Sometimes children must be sat down and explained about how bad our illness really is and that without help you could end up very ill. I am sure your daughter wants to be treated like a young adult, not a child, and so maybe a quiet meeting between the two of you is necessary.

Have you tried any of the suggestions listed in the forum in regards to items to help you sleep better or ways to relax when at home? I know you want to do the best you can by your husband but pushing yourself is only going to make your condition worse not better. Maybe you could pamper yourself on weekdays and get your daughter and husband to pitch in and help on the weekends.

Try coming home and relaxing by watch a movie or taking a short nap. Order out for dinner now and then. Take a relaxing epson salt bath if you have a tub, or just a gentle warm shower. Take you mind off your work when away from work. And do not push and push yourself, just take a long break. In the long run the most important part of your life is your family. Enjoy them and ask for help. Life will become easier than trying to do everything yourself. I know this from experience.

Hi 1sweed, thanks for your response. I actually have tried some methods that I have seen in the forum. Also, prior to that I already used epsom salt and lavender oil. I have found that certain fragrances calm me and help me sleep. Unfortunately for the past two weeks I haven't been able to relax when I get home because with the new job we are studying for certain insurance licenses so I have to study when I come home (which I'm sure is contributing to my flare). Thankfully, I take the test tomorrow so that part of training will at least be over and I won't have to study so much. My daughter does help, I mean more so with the understanding and moral support. Also, she has a pretty bad case of scoliosis so she is often in pain too.

 

[Hurting in Philly]

My heart broke when I read about that long car ride and realized how terribly painful it must be for you. :-( I'm glad you were able to talk about it here and I hope you'll find a lot of support.

I think it's hard for a young teen to grasp the level of pain you're dealing with. If they've had nothing to compare it to, there's no way they could know. I really would try to share it with her, though... and I'd probably let her know that I need her support and will depend on her. Maybe you could find a few websites and sit down with her showing her the facts on what this pain is like.

Husband... well I know you haven't been married long, but I'll assume that the love is strong enough that he's not the type of guy that will not stick around or not support you because a health issue has done this terrible thing to you. In sickness and in health means just that to many people and I hope that's the kind of relationship you have.

I like 1sweed's ideas about naps, movies, and a warm bath or shower. Read through the forum and there will be more ideas that may help you (like that "magic" mattress topper someone mentioned. Gotta be nice to yourself first and foremost.

Thanks Mariposa. My daughter has scoliosis so a lot of times when I say I need her to do something, she'll say "well I'm in pain too". I have given her info to read, but I just think like every other teen she's just not that concerned about anything that doesn't have to do with her. Of course I don't think my hubby will leave me and he definitely does step up when I need him to and even pampers me sometime. He cooks dinner when his shift allows and helps with errands (picking up heavy stuff from BJ's etc) I just meant more so that even though he's "supposed" to overlook all of the pain, illness, weakness etc. He's human and I am afraid that eventually it will take a toll.

 

[MercyL]

Have you considered asking your doctor for a list of work restrictions? I ask because most companies must accommodate disabilities, or doctor's orders that affect your work. The workplace might be able to supply you with an ergonomically designed chair. Since you just started the job, hold off as long as you can before asking for restrictions, if possible.

I have also found that having a "bed desk" help immensely. I use mine when I'm having a flare because having my legs up, properly supported and on the same level with my hips, eases some of my pain. It prevent my having to hold what I am reading, taking the stress off my shoulders.

I am sure you are ready for a slower pace but, sometimes, having special tools makes all the difference, and might ease your fatigue long enough for you to reach your goals of passing your insurance exams, if there are any.

 

[Hurting in Philly]

Passed my test!

 

[1sweed]

Hurting in Philly,
I am so happy for you that you passed your test, now maybe you can relax a bit more now that that extra preasure is off. Also happy to hear that you are scouting around the forum, for ideas on things that can help you relax. I hope you can just set back a bit and relax in order for the pain to ease up and make life easier to bear. Keep us informed on how you are doing.

 

[Hurting in Philly]

Have you considered asking your doctor for a list of work restrictions? I ask because most companies must accommodate disabilities, or doctor's orders that affect your work. The workplace might be able to supply you with an ergonomically designed chair. Since you just started the job, hold off as long as you can before asking for restrictions, if possible.

I have also found that having a "bed desk" help immensely. I use mine when I'm having a flare because having my legs up, properly supported and on the same level with my hips, eases some of my pain. It prevent my having to hold what I am reading, taking the stress off my shoulders.

I am sure you are ready for a slower pace but, sometimes, having special tools makes all the difference, and might ease your fatigue long enough for you to reach your goals of passing your insurance exams, if there are any.

Hi MercyL, I was actually thinking along the same lines, but yes I'm trying to wait as long as I can to bring any of that up. I am not even out of my probationary period yet. The subject of my fibro has come up because I can't hide the limping, and stiffness when I get up to go to the bathroom and with me being so young people naturally ask. But as far as Human Resources or anyone I definitely plan to once I am in like flynn lol. We did pass our tests yesterday so now I am licensed for car and home insurance. Now it's the technical training of our computer and phone systems for seven weeks. ugh. oh, but I do have a back support that my dr prescribed from an actual medical supply store. I have it on my chair at work so that helps some. Also, the chairs in the training room suck, but the chairs at our actual stations and the computers are ergonomically made so hopefully it'll be a lot better.

 

[Hurting in Philly]

Hurting in Philly,
I am so happy for you that you passed your test, now maybe you can relax a bit more now that that extra preasure is off. Also happy to hear that you are scouting around the forum, for ideas on things that can help you relax. I hope you can just set back a bit and relax in order for the pain to ease up and make life easier to bear. Keep us informed on how you are doing.

Thanks so much. And I wanted to report that last night when I came home I did have a long talk with my daughter and had her go on the internet to really carefully read about the symptoms and problems people with fibro face. She says she's gonna do better and take it more seriously. She made me a slide show to let me know that she understands it. Today when I came home there was a post it note on the microwave that said surprise. My hubby had made my favorite foods before he went to work and made me up a plate and put it in there for me.

 

[1sweed]

Very happy things are working out for you. I hope the family good will continues.

 

[Hurting in Philly]

Very happy things are working out for you. I hope the family good will continues.

So ironic. Last night I was at my cousin's house for his stepdaughter's bday party. He is my closest cousin, we are actually more like brother and sister. His mother was asking about my illness and how things are working out since I'm working and he blurts out that its a made up disease! I was mortified. I was so angry and hurt all at the same time. I would have never expected that from him. He said it was psychosomatic. I am so devastated. Later he tried to change up what he said and act like he wasn't really saying that, but it was too late. I don't know what to do. I don't know whether I should confront him or just leave it alone. I'm afraid that if I leave it alone my resentment will fester and our relationship will deteriorate. He was at my house when I came home from the rheumatologist and I gave him the info to read that she had given me. That means that he understands it and he was just being mean. I don't know what to do.

 

[1sweed]

Maybe you should let your anger cool down a bit so you don't yourself say something you might regret and then go and talk with him. If your relationship is as close as you say he may have just been teasing you or trying to look important in front of the family. In otherwords we all say things at times that are a bit harsh and cruel, then think better of it later, but some people don't know how to say there are sorry, so they say nothing. And sometimes they don't realize what they have said hurt someone.

I am always one who calls and says "I am sorry," even if it was not my fault. But I have made blunders in the way I say things as well. I think if you try to explain your feelings to him he may understand how hurt you were and make amends. If not then stay away from him for a while as negative people can pull you down fast. Maybe then he will miss you and come around of his own accord.

Sometimes prayer is the best answer to easying a aching heart. I hope you feel better soon.